Elfwood is the worlds largest SciFi & Fantasy community.
  - 152369 members, 5 online now.
  - 12510 site visitors the last 24 hours.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Amandah ´Gnome´ Giarratano

"The Dying of Jessica" by Amandah ´Gnome´ Giarratano

SciFi/Fantasy text 1 out of 3 by Amandah ´Gnome´ Giarratano.      ←Previous - Next→
 
Tag As Favorite
 
'The Dying of Jessica' is about a mysterious young woman, who is actually a siren, luring entire villages to death to keep her immortality alive. With the help of a young bard, who lures people with his music, they do just that...until the gods send a tidal wave over the entire country, burying it beneath the sea. A sort of twist to the Atlantis story. Its almost done. Go me! I actually have something almost finished something!
Add Bookmark
Tag As FavoriteComment
←- Lilith's Rising-Chapter 2 | Lilith's Rising -→
The villagers all agreed that Jessica Collins was peculiar. Her hair was a strange shade of blonde, and her eyes were such a strange shade of blue-silver. She always wore the same simple gown with the silver medallion of Queen Isis around her neck and serving as the clasp to hold her gown up. She had a blue disk flanked by two half moons burned on her forehead, and intricate markings of an old Druid design along her arms and right side of her face. She never spoke a word to anyone, except to the old apothecary owner, but none of the villagers ever went into that apothecary so her voice was never heard from by them.
She came into town everyday with a basket over her arm to visit the apothecary. It was rumoured that she had been a Druid priestess, a child of Avalon, a follower of the great Queen of Darkness. But many people passed that off as foolishness; she regularly attended prayers and functions at the Temple Of Isis. However strange Jessica seemed, how could they fault with her when she came to temple so regularly.

The seasons came and went, and Jessica came everyday to the village, helping with the temple festivals and attending prayer. During the harsh winter, she helped make many warm blankets for the orphanage. As summer approached, the villagers started coming out more often; speaking happily of the warm weather. On one hot day, a man came into the village; stopping at the well in the center of town, he bowed deeply to the group of school-age children standing around it.

"Good afternoon. Might I trouble thy studies and ask if I may take a drink from thou's well? I have traveled far this day and seek a cold draught of water to sooth my parched throat." He spoke in a deep Scottish brogue, but was not dressed as a Scotsman. This man was a bard, made plain by the make of his robes; although an instrument was not seen. The kids exchanged mystified glances, having never heard someone talk like that, but gave their consent. He took a long drink from the cool water; by then a small crowd of people hung around as discreetly as they could, which was not very discreet at all and watched him. When he had taken his fill he turned to the oldest looking school child. She was a full figured lass with glossy hair, a wide showy smile and obviously thought very much of herself; he bowed to her.

"Might I trouble thou, lass, and ask if thee know of someone by the name of Jessica Collins?" He glanced at her; his eyes were like fathomless pools of indigo; such a strange dark colour. His hair was long and full; a dark gold colour that was strange also. Upon closer look, there was a blue disk flanked by two half moons burned onto his forehead, but no signs of old Druid markings on his face or arms. He did bear a striking resemblence to Jessica.

"Yea, t'ere be a girl 'ere by t'e name o' Jessica Co-lins." A different voice broke in; the full figured lass pouted as the young bard's attention was drawn from her to the dressmaker. He bowed deeply to the dressmaker. "W'at ye be wantin' wit'a queer girl like Jessica?"

"My good dame," the bard said respectfully, bowing to her again. "Would thou please tell me where I could find her?"

He pointedly ignored the dressmaker's question, who sent him a strange, but admiring glance and pointed out of the village in the direction of west, shrugging her shoulders.

"Out yonder, bard, past t'e 'ollowed grove o' trees. But I'd mind yeself, Jessica is a queer one. T'at 'e is." There were murmured assent from the crowd that had gathered, but the bard only bowed deeply. Thanking her, he started into the direction indicated.
At the local tavern that night, there was much speculation as to who that man was and what he wanted with the strange Jessica. Many speculations were flung around, but none taken into consideration. Though they were all thinking about the bard's way of speaking; there was something about it that seemed to not let them take their minds off of him. As the moon approached its midnight peak, strange haunting music was heard, followed by the screeching of a song. The villagers all hurried into nightdresses and overcoats and shoes and ran outside. Following the sounds into the hollowed grove of trees, they encountered a sight strange to their eyes.

A large bonfire shooting blue flames had been started; a legion or more of ghosts, and spirits and doppelgangers posing themselves as the copy of the villagers were dancing around the bonfire. They were led in that crazy dance by a wild haired Jessica who was dressed in rough fur and shoeless, screeching that melodic song. The bard was hovering over the ground, playing an instrument similar to a flute. His strange coloured hair was flying about, playing that haunting music which such passion that several of the villagers were drawn into the curious group around the bonfire. But soon, all the villagers were drawn in; the music wouldn't let them stay in one place, or leave. It forced them gently to join the fray, luring them in with its haunting melody. And the doppelgangers were such charming copies of themselves. The men couldn't refuse the sweet music of Jessica, or the enticing copies of some of the female villagers; and the women couldn't refuse the haunting sounds of the bard's flute-like instrument, letting the male doppelgangers pull them. It was all so lovely.

Come die with me, my lovelies
Come join me in everlasting sorrow
Don't fight the pain
Let it engulf you in an
Ocean of Death.

They didn't understand what she was singing; the words sounded garbled to their minds, but to them, the music sounded lovely. They continued dancing; their life force draining from them as it went on. No one noticed. All they wanted was to keep dancing, to hear the beautiful music of the bard and listen to the lovely words of the song.

My lovelies,
Don't fight it
Join me in everlasting sorrow
Know the joy of my death
Taste the suffering of
Sweet blood.
Bring to us
Our everlasting life
Our immortality.

The song was luring them down, weighing their souls with so much pain that was lovely to them. Jessica and the bard exchanged smiling glances as the villagers laid themselves down upon the ground. Soon, everything stopped and went silent. Complete silence; no owls hooted, no crickets sounded; just the crackling of the fire. The bard lowered himself back to the ground, tucking his instrument away. Jessica held out her arms, twirling herself around and laughing with delight. Her laugh broke the stillness; the bard grinned as he watched her and nodded to the spirits, who immediantly began descending into the soulless bodies of the villagers. The bard placed his hand on Jessica's shoulder.

"Soon," he said in his deep Scottish brogue. "Soon we will have enough of power to become gods."

She grinned at him and he grinned back.

"It feels nice to have a voice," Jessica murmured; closing her eyes and smiling up at the sky. "So very good."

He nodded. "Just one more village and we shall have the power, my little siren."

"When we overthrow the gods; I want Atlantis for myself...I want to be the queen." She smiled as she watched the bodies of the villagers stand up, wonderment on their faces as the spirits tested out their new homes.

"My dear, you all ready have Atlantis," he said, smiling at her like an older brother would do to his favourite sibling.

She smiled at him, resuming her dance. But I want all of Atlantis, my Taskur. All of it.

* * * * * *

←- Lilith's Rising-Chapter 2 | Lilith's Rising -→

DateNameComment 
22 Dec 2003:-) Toni A. Nadeau
Lovely tale, ma cherie! I'm dying to know the next chapter!

2 Amandah 'Gnome' Giarratano replies: "Thank you! I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I find it. - -o"
29 Dec 200345 Zalastra
Howdy there. Was checking out my friends "neighbors' " stories. I thought this one was very well done. Your character development was nicely done. A few points were left vague, but that leaves room for additions. Dont leave this one as a stand alone.

2 Amandah 'Gnome' Giarratano replies: "Thank you! :6lushes:: If some things are left vague, it was either intentional, or else I did it and didn't notice it. And I'm glad you like my character development! I try so hard because for me, I like characters to appear as real as possible! ^.^ And I promise I won't leave it as a stand alone. I have the rest, but I wrote it on paper and now I can't find it. :16weatdrop:: I'm looking for it real hard though!"
5 Jan 200445 Andrea Diane Rubenstein
. Adn An interesting beginning, most definitely. I like your twist on things, and the way that you ended things, giving a hint that Jessica might try to take more than her 'fair' share of things.

There were some grammatical errors (let me know if you want me to point them out), and some spots where the POV got a bit confusing (again, let me know if you want me to point them out).

I was also left with a couple of questions (which, mind, isn't necessarily a bad thing):
Why did Jessica need to stay in the village in the fist place? Was there a reason that she and the bard couldn't just travel together and take the villagers as soon as they got there?

I might also like to see this part fleshed out a bit more; show a bit more of how long Jessica has been in the village (long enough for her to have an established pattern, but not long enough for her to be truly part of the community, it seems), and maybe elaborate on the arrival of the bard.

You do a lot of 'telling', which seems to be the style of the story, but adding some more 'showing' (perhaps by the interaction between the townspeople and the bard, or even just showing them gossiping among themselves) might be nice.

Overall, I see a lot of potential in the story. You have set up a plot that is engaging, and I'm curious to see how things develop. Good luck on your writing!

2 Amandah 'Gnome' Giarratano replies: "Thank you. I know, I always seem to make tons of grammatical errors no matter how many times I revise it. And please, point out anything you find wrong or confusing. I also thought that the POV was kind of confusing. I'm reworking on it. ^.^ And I'm glad that you seemed to enjoy it. It was just written up on a whim one day. ^.^"
7 Jan 2004:-) Vanessa Nunes
Well i agree, this certianly is an interesting piece and i will be looking forward to reading more. I also agree that maybe more interactions should be added. I also can never spot my own gramatical errors 8

2 Amandah 'Gnome' Giarratano replies: "I tried rewriting it, but it didn't work. I didn't like the way it sounded. So it's going to stay like this. lol "
12 Jan 2004:-) Rochelle Leya Watts
Personally I prefer alot less description. I think it is better used sparingly to highlight important items of interest rather than going on and on throughout a piece. This story I think has too much description and would be much better if edited some. Even if it is not your usual style, trying to almost not describe at all might be a good stretch for you. Perhaps on your next piece.

2 Amandah 'Gnome' Giarratano replies: "I took your advice, and Ms.Rune's also, and tried rewriting it to have more interaction and to have less description, but I didn't like how it sounded, so I left it alone. However, I greatly appericate your comment, and as soon as my world stops falling apart, I'm going to look at your gallery. ^.^"
Not signed in, Add an anonymous comment to this guestbook...    

Your Name:
Your Mail:
   Private message? (Info)



'The Dying of Jessica':
 • Created by: :-) Amandah ´Gnome´ Giarratano
 • Copyright: ©Amandah ´Gnome´ Giarratano. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Atlantis, Bard, Gods, Music, Siren
 • Categories: Ghosts, Ghouls, Aparitions, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers..., Celtic
 • Views: 390

Bookmark and Share



More by 'Amandah ´Gnome´ Giarratano':
Lilith's Rising
Lilith's Rising-Chapter 2

Related Tutorials:
  • 'Writing in English as a Foreign Language' by :-)Inger Marie Hognestad
  • 'Writing Lycanthropy' by :-)Jeff Burke
  • '10 Steps to Creating Realistic Fantasy Animals'
  • Art Education Finder...
  •  
     

    Elfwood™ is a site for Fantasy and Science Fiction art and stories. The site was founded by Thomas Abrahamsson and is maintained by helpful assistants and moderators, owned by the Elfwood AB corporation.

    [More...]