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Stephanie Laguan

"The Stars" by Stephanie Laguan

SF&F Picture 8 out of 11 by Stephanie Laguan
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An old story from way back when. It's about elves and how stars were made. I think it was a story I had to write for school in like grade 4. *heehee* oops...
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Myth

 

Long, long ago, in the time of the elders, there were the elves. There were the elves of the wood, the elves of the sea, the elves of light but the most important of them all, were the High-Elves. They were of noble and worthy stature. These elves were the wisest, more learned and beautiful of all the elves. King Mithrandir was the oldest and wisest of the Elven-kings. He had two sons and one daughter. His daughter’s name was Elanor the fair. She was the most beautiful elf-maiden in the entire world. The King Mithrandir loved her very much and wanted for everyone to remember her when the elves left the earth. He asked the people of his kingdom if they could think of a way to commemorate her beauty. Every elf loved her with all their hearts, but try as they might, none of them could think of anything beautiful enough. They made necklaces made out of gold and silver, jeweled cups, fountains and mirrors of fortune. But nothing was worthy enough of Elanor’s great beauty. So the king sent for the wizard Rauros. Everyone was so excited of the wizard coming, including Elanor’s brothers, that they were preparing a huge feast. Elanor was very proud that the great wizard Rauros was coming to her kingdom just because of her. Everyone knew that Rauros had great powers, but that he still could not match the powers of the High-Elves.

When the wizard arrived, the whole kingdom rejoiced. That night there were great fireworks in the sky. Then the King heard the wizard whisper in his ear. He said, "Why not blanket the sky with something that reminds you of Elanor’s great beauty. Something to remind you of her eyes."

The king understood what Rauros was saying, since Elanor’s eyes were bright with intelligence and seamed to glow ever so faintly in the moonlight. The king agreed. He said that it should remind all types of elves of the sea, the sun, the moon, but most of all, his daughter. King Mithrandir and Rauros the wizard talked late into the night on the top reaches of the tower. The magic of king Mithrandir was strong, but combined with the power of Rauros, it was emense.

 

That same night, Rauros told the king of a place far into the forest of the Dunedain. He said it was a place of great beauty. He told the king that it was so grand that he was sure there would be something wonderful for Elanor. That very night, they both went of into the forest of the Dunedain to see what they could find.

The next day, Elanor could not find the king or the wizard. She sent her brothers to look out in the forest while she looked inside of their palace. They could not be found anywhere near the castle, so they planned a large search for the morning. Elanor was so worried over her father. She was right to do so. Her father wasn’t with the real wizard Rauros, he was with Sindarin, the black wizard. The real wizard Rauros was being held prisoner in the mountaintops of the Zolti. Sindarin was going to capture Mithrandir’s daughter for his wife, and to steal king Mithrandir’s kingdom. King Mithrandir didn’t know the full extent of Sindarin’s plans, but he was already sure that Sindarin wasn’t who he said he was. Mithrandir could see through the trees ahead, and he could see a beautiful stream crossing their path. Mithrandir could talk to the animals and so he saw a beautiful white deer hiding in the bushes. He told Sindarin, " I cannot walk any further. We must stay here and rest for a little while." Sindarin agreed, but he told Mithrandir to hurry up. While Mithrandir was resting, Sindarin went ahead to see how they were going to cross the stream. While he was gone, the king called to the deer and whispered to him all that he knew about Sindarin. He told the deer to make haste and bring his message to his sons. "They will know what to do," he said. When the black wizard came back, they resumed walking towards the place Sindarin had spoken of. But while the king was talking to the deer, Sindarin was sending his evil pet dragons to the king’s palace. There they would destroy the buildings defenses, kill the warriors and carry of the king’s daughter. Then Sindarin would murder the king and take his kingdom for his own with the elves as slaves. In an hour they had arrived at the beautiful place. King Mithrandir thought to himself, "Well at least he didn’t lie about this place."

With that he began to look for things as beautiful as Elanor. But he couldn’t keep his mind on that. He kept on wondering if his message had reached his sons in time. They were lucky. The deer had arrived just a few minutes before the dragons. That gave them enough time to prepare the building’s defenses, and to put a protective spell over the kingdom. The warriors began to assemble in ranks. But at that moment the dragons came from the Zolti mountaintop. They sent whirling balls of fire that bit into the target. But the firebombs could not penetrate the shield around the elves. All the dragons were slain except one. He was the black wizard’s favorite. Somehow he managed to penetrate the shield. He began to burn the elves and their castle. There was only eight warriors left in the palace. Suddenly the dragon stopped his tremendous roaring and he ceased to throw fire. He fell to the ground with a single black tipped arrow in his throat just as he was swooping down to capture the king’s daughter. Elanor had slain the dragon with one shot. The kingdom was safe but the king wasn’t. Sindarin knew that his dragons were defeated but he was still alive and he still had king Mithrandir with him. While the king slept that night, he tied him up in the web of a huge spider. When he woke up, he was being wrapped up by a spider the size of a full-grown bear. He barely had space to move his hands. He quickly placed a spell to petrify the spider. He cast another spell to get out of the spider’s web. He then realized that it was all Sindarin’s doing. He began making a different spell. One that would attack Sindarin from the inside. This was the king’s own spell. He had created it, and he knew how it worked, and to what extent. This spell would eat away at his insides. But while he was doing that, something was rubbing against his legs. It was another of Sindarin’s vicious pet. This time he had sent out his pet Kilian, a large grey wolf. It quickly attacked Mithrandir, and tried to make him drop the spell that wasn’t quite finished yet. Instead he ended up throwing the half-finished spell at Sindarin, who was standing behind them and gloating at his success. Soon he would have the kingdom all for himself. The spell wrapped around Sindarin, and seeing that it was his only chance to beat him, Mithrandir spoke the words of the spell. The spell took Sindarin up into the air, and seeped into his skin. He swelled up and became transparent. Then there came a blinding light from inside of him and as it grew stronger, he grew even larger. Suddenly, he exploded. Pieces of him drifted about in the air, going higher, and higher, and higher until they were in the heavens. Try as he might, Mithrandir’s spells could not bring the pieces down. The pieces began to turn white instead of the black of the black wizard’s heart. That’s when Mithrandir noticed that the pieces of Sindarin that floated around in the sky were very beautiful. With that he lay down in the beautiful place to admire the wonderful ‘stars’ he had made to remind him of Elanor, with a little help from Sindarin.

 

 

 

 

 

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DateNameComment 
15 Nov 2001:-) Baz 'Jinx' Dwornik
This story has a very folktale sound to it, and there's only a couple instances which make it a little awkward: the king's thought when he gets into the forest (I'd say just take it out, it's not really necessary), and the ending, what really created the stars. Is there some particular reason this is what created the stars or something I didn't get that you could elaborate on? As for the names, I'm not familiar with Tolkien's work, but Mithrandir sounds like it's from Norse mythology to me. If a lot of the names are similar to copyrighted work, though, in this story just try to make up some interesting names on your own, or just rearrange the letters of ordinary words (i.e. a character in a story I'm working on is named Dapna - panda - there's a little plastic panda figurine over my computer. ^_-). Good work on this story and congrats on making writer of the day.

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "Thanks. I always have a bit of trouble with names, so I sometimes ask friends for their ideas. But I like your rearanging idea as well. Thanks again!"
15 Nov 200145 Marcius T Wolfe
Well I like your style and as to names try taking your friend names and changing one letter in their name like becki instead of becky it works well and sounds cool.
I hope to read your other story as well

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "Hmm...that's a good idea, I think I might use it. Thanks!"
15 Nov 200145 TwiNked
nice story and all, but there were some gammar errors and mixed tenses. also, do you think you could plagerize of of JRR Toilken's Lord of the Rings any more? Mithrindir? Rauros? Elanor? If there's one thing I can't stand it's people who steal names. honestly, girl, you have some talent here, so try to make up your own names.

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "Well, thank you for the good story part, but as i think i've already explained, at the time of the writing of this story, I hadn't read Lord of the Rings and seen the names.And, thank you very much, I will be editing this story in the future, so don't get all wound up over it.*gees* "
16 Nov 2001:-) Sarah R. Murphy
I like this one a lot! It is so folktale like, reminds me of some Aboriginal Dream Time Stories I have heard (I love that, 'Dream Time', it sounds so mystical, but that is what they called the times of creation ^.^)
It is such a nice story and well written '.' keep it up!
If you have problems with names (and believe me, I know what it is like. A lot of the time my chracters don't have names until later on in the story) then either do as Baz sugested, or Marcius, or even ask your friends if they can come up with names! If you are still really stuck, then see if ya can buy one of those 'What shall we name the baby?' books 'cause they can have some cool names, and also give u meanings behind the names if ya into that sorta thing. (eg. I have a psychic whose name means 'mind power'!)
I think I have rambled on enough, and hopefuly helped you, but don't let a small thing like names get in the way of your writing for it would be too sad to not see any more! ^.^

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "Baby name book, eh? That sounds like a good idea...Or even a dictionary of names...This could work. By the way, thanks for support! I feel so special. Now I think I'm babbling -_-'"
16 Nov 200145 Katie
Stephanie,

Congratulations on a job well done. Your skill and imagination are phenomenol. Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Katie

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "Gees, Thanks!"
16 Nov 200145 Ann 'Minsooky' Enberg
Oh goossssssssh...I'm 14 too (and in 9th grade 18) and you're more talented than me in writing! This lil' piece sounded very nice, and I actually read most of it too! Very pleased...*bows and runs off*

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "*blush* That is sooo odd! I feel so special! ^_^!"
24 Jun 2002:-) Elizabeth 'SpaZ' Avent
Awwww, I really like this!!!! *glares at the starts in awe* hehe, I'll always remember elves when I look up to the glowing lil dots in the night sky. *sigh*

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "  Awww...and whenever I hear the wind in the trees I'll always think "Elizabeth..." *sigh* I'm bored....I'll go work on my stories now...So I can get comments like this from incredibly cool ppl! Like her!! ^_^ "
28 Aug 2002:-) Lindsay A. Lovstrom
Well, there are enough comments here, that you've probably heard it all, but I like commenting! 2 I enjoyed this story very much. It was simple, but detailed, and brought pictures alive in my head. It reminded me strangely of Lord of the Rings.... Nice job!
9 Nov 200245 Alice 'Muffin Girl' Smith
*sighs deeply* Just so you know, I’ve been randomly vandalizing many, many sites tonight… you are not alone in the scope of my criticism, and don’t take it to heart… I'm just really REALLY bored just now.

With that out of the way…

Verbal Abuse From a Muffin (does it get any better than that?):
I can’t say I like this. I can’t say I dislike it, either. Truth to tell, it reminds my of a story my friend wrote for english class. Her story had me laughing my arse off, because her typos were so numerous that they actually turned an entirely pathetic story into the best running joke I’d ever seen. With the completely unintentional opening line of “Once upon a dime”, you can guess what the rest of it was like.

Can you guess how your story reminded me of hers? If you’re answer is a cringe and a sheepishly voiced “Yes”, then *Eeeee* WRONG. It’s the writing style that’s similar; choppy sentences, events popping out of nowhere, close to nil characterization, a proficiency of the words “suddenly” and “but”, and a giant spider to boot. Honestly, what’s with the giant spiders…? This makes at least five stories I’ve read this week that contain one… *has a feeling she’s missing a joke that the rest of the known world is in on*

Suggestions from a Muffin:
It might be a good idea to re-write this… and by re-write, I mean start an entirely new version, using this as the outline. Well-developed characters can pull off a plot line like this in a way characters that contain the amazing depth of “king” and “beautiful” can not. Also, avoid starting sentences with “but” and “suddenly” in such quick succession. It’s all well and good to say that the dragons attacked but couldn’t get through the elfin shield, but there’s something subtly wrong with saying “But at that moment the dragons came from the Zolti mountaintop. They sent whirling balls of fire that bit into the target. But the firebombs could not penetrate the shield around the elves.”

Okay, I'm done. *looks up and smiles* Ooo, I kept it “relatively” short, too.

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "yupyup...youre right...the writing still in this does suck...and i'm kinda surprised people still like it! But, in my defense, the reason this is still up here, is because it's one of the first real fantasy stories I ever wrote. And, as you can also tell, I had just finished reading Lord of the Rings, so that's where most of my influences came from. And also, I was in grade Four or Five when i wrote it, so, let's cut the kid self some slack. As for your suggestion of rewriting it, That's what I was gonna do. Eventually. Once I finish up my much better written stories with plots that, I'm happy to say, actually go somewhere. So, thanks for the comment, but it'll be a while before this comes down. If you takes something down, ya gotta replace it,no? ~_^"
14 Nov 200345 Danny
I love your work

:-) Stephanie Laguan replies: "Awww...Thank you. You're so sweet."
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About 'The Stars':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Stephanie Laguan
 • Copyright: ©Stephanie Laguan. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Myth, Elves, Stars, Lights, Past
 • Categories: Elf / Elves, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 120


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