"The Song of Princess Profa" by Sally Catlin

The Song of Princess Profa
A Fable

Annat was a coastal town, it nestled on the shore,
And it was the capital of the kingdom of Loor-on-Lor.
There lived Queen Terstella and her husband, Meilt the Mild,
Along with Princess Profa, their last, much younger child.
Now, this princess was everything a princess ought to be,
So pretty, kind and charming, graced and meek was she.
Not conceited or bossy, cruel, stubborn or dull,
But beautiful and kind, and all in all the pinnacle
Of princesses. But for one unfortunate flaw--
But start at the beginning, when her troubles none foresaw.
Annat was a coastal town as surely you recall,
And Nurse would take Profa for walks when she was very small.
They would walk all 'round town, but mainly on the harbor side,
And the princess would listen, blue eyes open wide,
To the seamen who spoke their unmaidenly speech,
And it was they who the princess to talk did teach.
So once when at night the queen her covers tucked,
Profa spoke her first three words: ----,----,and------.
The queen was quite appalled, and her ears turned cherry red;
Nearly as flushed was the king's shiny head.
The nurse quickly fainted right dead straight away,
Good thing, or she'd have been beheaded that day.
Soon the princess did learn to speak more refined things,
But as Meilt said, "When excited, her language still sings."
Once at a banquet, honored guests, they asked if she would speak-
Boy were they surprised when she swore a big blue streak!
At meetings and at conferences she could not attend,
For fear that by her language a king she would offend.
She did not mingle, like her parents, with the upper classes,
For fear in an unguarded moment she would call them -----.
She did not ever get to meet any of her betters,
Because too many of her words were those that had four letters.
Already she had caused a war with the state of Omplit,
When in a dancing lesson, she told its prince "Oh, ----!"
So, because of her queenly mother's well-justified fears,
She was no longer 'lowed to speak with any noble peers.
Soon came the time when she should have been gone at princess-school,
But was sent home because she had broken the swearing rule.
And so, cause of her knowledge of so many terms profane,
She did not learn the queenly arts that she would need to reign.
But her mother, Queen Terstella, mostly hid her secret shame,
So when she was put up for marriage, many suitors came.
Profa was matched with Prince Sohandsome, could not believe her luck
And so she whispered in his ear, "It's you I want to ----."
He backed away, insulted, and he broke their engagement;
The very same thing happened with all other suitors sent.
Since she was upset and angry all the more the princess swore,
Her language was the bane of all the land of Loor-on-Lor.
At last they took poor Profa to the home of a great mage,
In hopes that he could cure her of her dreadful language.
The mage was glad to do it, he wanted to please the crown,
For oft on his profession the royalty did frown.
He found the spell and mixed and poured arcane ingredients;
Then he chanted singsong words, the atmosphere grew tense,
"Wrong Spell! Wrong Spell!" the wizard cried as King Mielt grabbed his throat,
For the royal Princess Profa was a small and warty toad.
The wizard made apologies, the wizard was contrite;
He set about immediately making Profa right.
But he was out of dragon's breath, instead used lizard snorts,
And though Profa got her body back, she still retained the warts.
Queen Terstella would not let the mage try another spell,
Or as Princess Profa put it, "He can go to ----."
But Profa had to marry, cause that's what princesses do,
'Cept who would want to marry her with skin that looked like goo?
Her family was worried, they consulted for a week,
But found no one who would accept her skin and her speak.
They were getting desperate, they consulted all the lore,
For as she said, "If don't wed, I'll have to be a -----!"
Then Queen Terstella had a thought, she might have found a man,
"Mielt, my dear, that goblin king who says he owns that land!"
"Oh my, you're right, the goblin king, who lives down to the south!
He won't care if she has toad skin, or has a foul mouth!
And with a wed alliance, we won't have any wars
About that land he simply won't admit is rightly ours!
Yes, it's settled. Profa dear, you will wed the goblin king."
And like the true princess she was, she didn't say a thing.
She met the goblin king next week, when their vows they read,
And he was just as disgusting as her serving-maids had said.
He thought that she was beautiful and her speech refined,
For next to his other wives, she truly was divine.
But o'er the years, as, wearily, she raised the goblin prince,
Midst smells that made her sick and sights that made her wince,
She often thought of Prince Sohandsome and her fortune's switch,
And how she really wished she'd never called her mom a -----.