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Samuel V. R. Joseph

"Crimson (chapter 3) - The Battle" by Samuel V. R. Joseph

SF&F Picture 4 out of 22 by Samuel V. R. Joseph
 
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This is the third part of Crimson. Together, the first three parts round off the 'prologue' to the story (yes, that's right, looks like this is going to be a long one...) I quite like the fight scene here. Let me know what you think!
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The Tower is clearly visible once we have passed the Wall. Constructed entirely of obsidian, it rises from the ground like a hooked finger. Behind it lies the Easterwood, full of old, gnarled trees and twisted shadows. Some say that is where the Warlocks practice their alchymical arts. Between the Tower and the Wall, however, is nothing but a flat plain, and it is here that we make first contact with the enemy.

The ground starts to shake. Ahead of us a small hillock starts to sprout from the grass, as if something is burrowing up from underneath - suddenly it bursts in a shower of soil. In front of us rears a gigantic worm-like creature. It stretches out of the ground, fully twelve feet high. For a moment there is time to think that this must be one of the Warlocks' alchymical abominations; for a moment I notice the details of it: the slick wetness covering its scaly skin, its lack of eyes or ears or any other features except a mouth -

Then it opens that mouth. A shrill screaming noise fills the air. Though I cannot hear it directly, the vibrations themselves are enough to make my head ache. The effect on the Hunters, with their keen senses, is devastating. They shriek in agony, falling to the ground and covering their ears. In one swift stroke the Warlocks have incapacitated nearly half our army.

The Red King whirls to face us. "Kill the creature!" he shouts. "Quickly!"

The air around it begins to glow as we focus our energy, but something is wrong. That substance on its skin must somehow be protecting it from our fire!

The screaming continues. The Hunters have stopped moving. They lie motionless on the ground, blood streaming from their ravaged ears. I turn my attention back to the creature, calling on all my anger to destroy it. I can barely see it through the pulsating, shimmering heat haze. Still it resists us. The Warlocks have learnt well from their loss, but we, the arrogant victors, now stand on the verge of defeat.

Finally the noise stops, and the creature slumps to the ground with a loud thud. Faint wisps of steam rise from it, evidence that it was eventually cooked from the inside. The remainder of our army stands, shaken, around the fallen creature.

"Regroup!" the Red King orders. "We cannot turn back now. Be on your guard for any further surprises."

No sooner have the words left his mouth than a sudden blackness descends. What new sorcery is this? First they attack with sound, to destroy the Hunters. Is this how they plan to defeat us?

I create a small flame in my hand, to banish the darkness, but it barely makes an impact on the choking gloom. Close to me I can see the faint flickers of other Crimson attempting to do the same, but beyond that I can discern nothing.

Suddenly I hear a faint thumping sound, distant at first but growing steadily louder. A sudden rush of air breezes past me. I hear shouts all around, and flares of flame flicker in the shadows, but still, frustratingly, I can see nothing. What is happening?

A loud thud echoes from behind me, and I turn. Three dull blue eyes pierce the darkness, a vague suggestion of wings and a thick, scaly hide... Skyvians. Born in the Sky Caves of the north, where for months on end the sun does not shine, the Skyvians have no doubt adapted well to such low-light conditions. They have the distinct advantage here. This entire battle has been planned meticulously from the start! We don't stand a chance.

The creature lunges forward, but it is abruptly shoved to the side. A Crimson pins it to the ground. The Skyvian roars in pain as its flesh begins to boil, but another shape flits out of the gloom. The Crimson is lifted away, struggling vainly. The downed Skyvian continues to twitch for a moment, then lies still.

All around the battle rages, but it is a queer battle. I hear shouts and roars, the gush of flame and the flap of wings, but all I see are shadowy shapes wrestling in the darkness. I stumble forward, utterly disoriented. A sudden, sharp pain lances through my shoulder. I feel myself lifted off the ground. Below me there is a sudden flare of brilliance, so bright it seems to tear away the crushing blackness, but after a moment it fades. The Red King. He is dead. What little shred of hope I had is now gone. With the Red King defeated it is only a matter of time before the battle is over. Everything feels almost surreal now, as I am borne through the darkness. I barely feel anything as the claws tear through my flesh, ripping out of my shoulder, and I fall.

I fall forever, unable to see the ground...

←- Crimson (chapter 2) - The Council | First Flight -→

DateNameComment 
11 Jan 2006:-) Anne M. Leath
Alright! First comment!! More Crimson! Could this day get better?!

Ahem. Well things are getting darker still--I don't want him to die! You have to finish telling us first! You description of the battle is quite vivid, I like that we see/hear about the Red King. And whats going on with the whole Hunters being slaughtered WITH the Crimson? More questions...Very neat creautures created though.

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thanks, Anne! I'm working on the rest of the story now... I think it's going to be a long one. Hopefully I'll have more up before too long! =)"
12 Jan 200645 Brian Rich
Yes, this is coming along nicely. I too could get good visual imagery of the battle. I like the description of how the worm screamed so loud that the unheard vibrations were painful. Nice description. It looks like our narrator is in a world of trouble. I'm liking this. Drop me a note when you have more of the story up.

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Sure thing! Glad you're liking it =)"
28 Jan 200645 Sara Caroline Emmins
I love the atmosphere you have captured in all three current parts of "Crimson". I am starting to get a feel for the world and sympathise with our Crimson despite his strangeness.
I would like to know a little more about the one who changed him and also how the memory loss works, does there ever come a point where a Crimson must use his power so often that he has no memory left? Is it only significant memories that go (first kiss, family - that kind of thing) or does the memory of last weeks shopping list count?
Just for the record I had no problem conceptualising the method of hearing, perhaps it's some of the stuff I actually learned in physics lessons resurfacing!

Anyway, I look forward to reading more and will definitely find time to explore the rest of your shelf.

Sara

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Hi Sara, I'm glad you liked Crimson! I'll be trying to flesh out more of the Crimson in later chapters, probably from a different perspective, so you can get a better idea of what they're like. You're right, though, it's usually the more significant memories that go... Crimson often lose much of their sense of individual identity -- hence the lack of names and stuff. (I'm still trying to work out all the details, though =P) Anyway, thanks for the comment, and you're welcome to return anytime!"
28 Jan 2006:-) Rachel A Pears
Hi Sam - thanks for leaving all the comments on Intrigue + Dark Master! Here I am to check out some of your new stuff. It was a really intense section, the pace was wonderfully fast and exciting. I liked how our crimson (does he have a name anymore or has he forgotten it?) faced challenge after challenge along with the rest of the army. Those worms reminded me of the dessert ones on Dune (a great film). It sounds like the warlocks have been planning this battle for quite a while. It might have been worth just recapping (even in the intro) why they are attacking and why they have decided to do this on enemy territory (i.e. putting themselves at a disadvantage). However, it was over too soon and you left it on a cliff hanger. Cruel, cruel male! I am now working out how our crimson will survive (for survive he must) does he work out how to fly using his fire powers, like firestar out of the marvel comics?..... R

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Hey there Rachel, no problem on the comments, I really liked Intrigue and Dark Master! I'm glad you liked this; these kind of battle scenes are generally hard (for me) to write, but I'm quite happy with this one. Our Crimson doesn't have a name; Crimson don't really use names as such. And yes, the Warlocks have been planning for quite a while. Good point about the need for a recap, I'll definitely take that into consideration. And as for the cliffhanger ending... well, you'll just have to wait, I'm afraid, like the rest of us (me included), to find out what's going on. Basically, I haven't quite figured it out yet. Don't worry, he survives of course -- I've got a few ideas for the continuation, but it will take a while to sort out. The next chapter will probably be from a different perspective (hope I'm not giving away too much here), and will put the whole story into an entirely different light! Phew! I can't wait... hehe. As always, thanks for the comment! (Hm... Firestar... there's a thought...)"
30 Jan 2006:-) Jessica Warner
Sorry it took me so long to get to this!

Now that was a battle. I loved it, I was spellbound all the way, no nitpicks. Fascinating creatures, the description of the hunters' deaths was unsettling, and with the arrival of the skyvians I was wondering how he was gonna get out of this one...and then he didn't.
All in all, I think this'll make an interesting prologue, even if it's huge and might need to be divided into sections within the prologue...perhaps you can call it Part One or something, whatever, this is a really good entry into a story. Especially this last battle, did I mention I really enjoyed that? 12

12 Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Wow, thanks =) Yeah, I really liked the battle scene too! This story was actually supposed to end at the first chapter, but I decided to continue it, and now I think it's going to grow into a pretty long story... I'm going to need a while to work out exactly what happens after the prologue though... but I'll be sure to let you know when the next chapter is up! Meanwhile... I hate to ask, but... how's Seventh Siren coming along? =D"
13 Feb 2006:-) Bloodhawk
I still adore your way with words Sam! It makes your work so fluent and compelling, just wonderful. For that alone, besides the rest of the content, your work's very much worth the read - especially with Crimson.

I like very much how the character is coming across, how dark and silent he is, yet intelligent and informative; qualities that worked really well for the previous parts and encouraged a mood especially in the very first. I think it might be an idea to develop him a little further now - don't change him! - perhaps by making his observations and personal feelings a little better known to the reader now and again, so that he doesn't simply slip into the role of narrator only.

Regarding pace...Might I suggest that you speed things up a little bit in the very climaxes of the battles here, so that the calm moments are even more so by notable contrast?

One typo: '"Kill the creature!" he shouts. "Quickly!"' - Capital letter needed for 'he' is all...

Ah, but still superbly written, never-the-less, very easy to picture, and like I said, your way with words...Keep on writing Sam!

1 Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thanks =) And thanks the suggestion! Problem is, I'm not sure if he's going to continue as the narrator. At this point I'm still working out the rest of the story, so it might take a while before the next part comes out... "
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About 'Crimson (chapter 3) - The Battle':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Samuel V. R. Joseph
 • Copyright: ©Samuel V. R. Joseph. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Crimson, Battle, Wizard, Fight, War
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins, Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers...
 • Views: 208


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