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Samuel V. R. Joseph

"The Last Trumpet chapter 1" by Samuel V. R. Joseph

SciFi/Fantasy text 11 out of 22 by Samuel V. R. Joseph
 
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A totally different style from 'The Prophecy'; I was trying for a darker feel, focusing more on atmosphere. The story is about Garth, a tavernmaster in the town of Riverside...
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←- The Dragonlords | The Last Trumpet chapter 2 -→

"The sun is just setting. Blood fills the sky, a cresting wave across the heavens, casting its crimson tendrils across the world. There is a hushed silence over the land; the wind holds its breath, the birds are silent, waiting. The angel glides over the field, the tall grass parting silently before him, his robes fluttering gently as he moves, delicate, like a butterfly's wings. His face is pale, like marble, his expression serene and unruffled, the lidless orbs of his eyes glistening with an amber hue. In his hand he holds a trumpet, made of gold and finely crafted; in the light from the sun it seems to glow red, warning of danger. The tall stalks of grass seem to shrink back from it, as if they are afraid to touch it, repelled by the pulsing red glare.

The angel stops in the middle of the field, in a circle of bent grass, and, staring into the sun, he weeps, watching, waiting for the sign. His tears float soundlessly to the ground, shrinking into the soil even as more stream down his porcelain cheeks, and yet for all his tears his expression remains fixed, unmoving. He continues in this manner until the sun has set, until the blood has drained from the sky and twilight claims the land, veiling it in a protective cloak of darkness, and then he turns and leaves. The wind breathes a sigh of relief, the night comes hesitantly to life, and without a sound the angel is gone. The sign has not come, not yet, but one day it will. One day it will appear above the setting sun, and the angel will see it, and blow his trumpet, and the world will end."

The old man finished his tale, and his drink, and set the wooden mug down on the grimy table with a flourish. Around him the children continued to stare, wide-eyed. He clapped his hands, breaking the spell.

"All right, then, children, it's getting late. It's time you were getting to bed. Go on, now." Reluctantly, the children got up, and headed towards the tavernmaster, who stood in the doorway. He patted their heads as they passed, wishing them goodnight as they trudged up the stairs. The old man, too, raised himself from his seat. In the flickering light of the torches, his face painted with shifting shadows, he looked almost forbidding. But then he stepped towards the tavernmaster, closer to the fireplace, and the moment passed.

"Many thanks for the ale, Garth," he said as he shuffled passed the tavernmaster.

"No trouble, old man, no trouble at all... I should be thanking you for keeping the children occupied while Lori and I clean up the place." Garth hesitated, then asked, "By the by, what is the sign that the angel is looking for?"

The old man regarded him in silence for a second, then chuckled. "So you have been listening in. It is only a story, Garth. A harmless old tale. Nothing more." He shuffled to the door and opened it, letting in a gust of the cool night air, then closed it behind him. The tavern was silent save for the gentle crackling of the fireplace. Garth wondered at the old man's words. There had been something in his voice, in his stance, something that indicated his story was not just a harmless tale, but Garth could not quite put his finger on it, and so he shrugged, attributing his momentary discomfiture to an overactive imagination. He turned back to the tables, giving each a cursory wipe with a cloth, placing the mugs back on the counter, and before long he had forgotten the brief encounter, lost in his nightly routine.

*

The tavern was quite full the next day, and Garth and Lori were kept busy most of the morning tending to their customers. Garth was a large man, not fat, but not quite muscular either. He stood all of seven feet tall, and his broad shoulders and thick legs had led some of his more regular patrons to call him "Girth" when they thought he wasn't listening. Garth never minded, though, he was a amiable sort of person, with a ready smile and a deep, rumbling laugh. Lori, on the other hand, kept to herself as far as possible. She rarely smiled, but she had a kind heart and she was an able, dedicated worker. She might have been beautiful, once, but for the shadow that lurked constantly beneath her features. Her parents had been killed a year previously, an attempted robbery gone sour, or so it was rumoured. Garth had taken her in, given her food and lodging, and employed her as a barmaid. He thought her grief had mellowed somewhat over the course of the year, but sometimes she looked so sad he longed to hold her. His own wife had been dead for many years, leaving him with three children: Kieran, aged twelve, Ellera, aged fourteen, and Dex, the eldest at fifteen years of age. They were quite a handful, always getting into trouble, and Garth was so busy maintaining the tavern he hardly had time for them. But he loved them fiercely, and he worked hard, trying to save up enough coin to perhaps send them to the city to study in the Academy.

The town runner arrived at noon with the news. The customers clustered around as he relayed to them all he had heard in the previous towns he had visited. All except the old man, Jeremy, who sat almost resolutely in his corner. "Jem the Tale", he was called, on account of the numerous stories he told. The children all loved him, but most of the adults were mildly suspicious of him. No one knew where he came from, he had just appeared one day. He stayed in the tavern most of the day, leaving only late at night when all the other customers had long since returned to their homes. Garth had often toyed with the idea of following him one night, just to see where he lived, but he had too much respect for the privacy of others to actually do so. Casting a thoughtful glance at Jeremy, Garth drifted over to the runner and his crowd of listeners.

"... found in an alley in Woodbridge," he was saying. A collective gasp ran through the listeners. "A woman, you say?" one of them asked. The runner nodded. "Yes. She had been strangled, but all her blood had been drained out of her."

"And yet, you say, there was no wound? None at all?"

"Not as far as I'd heard. She was naked. They examined every inch of her body, they said, and there was no wound at all."

"So how was her blood drained?" Someone else queried. The runner shrugged. The questioning continued, but Garth wasn't listening. Across the room, a curious expression had asserted itself on Jeremy's normally stony features, and in that instant Garth knew the old man had been listening, and was deeply disturbed by what he had heard. He knows something, Garth thought. But what? Jeremy noticed his stare, and quickly lowered his head, his thick mane of silvery hair hiding his face. Garth debated confronting him. If he had information about the murder, he should --

There was a sudden, piercing scream from the kitchen. Garth snapped around. "Lori...?" He rushed towards the sound. Lori stood in the kitchen, facing the back door of the tavern. She was whimpering, her hands wrapped around her body. In front of her, covering the floor, was a thick coating of red fluid -- it looked like blood, Garth thought, and he immediately thought of the woman in Woodbridge whose blood had been drained from her, and suddenly his knees were shaking, and he reached out to Lori. "Don't look," he whispered, turning her away from the grisly scene. "Don't look..."

By now the other customers had arrived, led, surprisingly, by Jeremy, but Garth was too preoccupied to wonder how the old man had moved so fast. "It's starting," the old man whispered, and he turned and shuffled back into the tavern, winding through the crowd. His next words were so soft no one would have heard them, even if anyone had been listening.

"They're coming for me..."

←- The Dragonlords | The Last Trumpet chapter 2 -→

DateNameComment 
17 Nov 2005:-) Sarah J Kinder
Ahh I really like this first chapter - the story within a story bit made a good attention grabber from the start. The description was generally excellent and you've already piqued my curiosity. (like the "family" nature of the bar too)

I came across on only one nitpick.

She rarely smiled, but she had a kind heart and she was an able, dedicated worker.<--Just seems like a lot of she's for one sentence! The next sentence started with one too . . .

Guess I'll have to read on to find out more . . . (I have some guesses already though . . .)

-S

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thanks for pointing that out! Yes, do read on... heh =P Anyways, thanks for the comment! I'm glad you enjoyed it."
22 Nov 200545 Brian Rich
Hey Samuel. I'm kind of new to elfwood as you know. One thing I notice is it appears some people read with the only intent to seek out errors. That's not me. I'm just here to enjoy a good story and you've got one here. I really didn't see much that jumped out at me that should be corrected. But then again I wasn't searching for errors. I agree with the reviewer that you've found the right balance of description. Just enough to paint a picture in our minds and keep the story moving. You've got the suspense factor as well and I'm a big fan of suspense. The Old Man knows something so I must immediately proceed to chapter two to find out who these killers are, what there agenda is and what the old man knows. Great stuff!

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thank you! Well I guess one of the reasons I put stuff up here, apart from the fact that I enjoy sharing my passion for writing, is to get feedback, both good and bad... so every sincere comment is appreciated, whatever it's content =) That said, I'm glad you enjoyed this! And the Old Man *does* know something, as you will soon see... heh"
27 Nov 2005:-) Louise Hughes
I've come to return the extremely long comment you left on my story a short while back. You will be pleased to know, that I paid great heed to all comments and have produced a new version of the beginning of my story. Unfortunately, due to size of ticket queue and the fact that I've currently got a ticket block, it'll be a while. Word of advice, if you were thinking of continuing to read my story, don't until the new version is up.
Anyway, I'm not here to ramble about my story, I'm here to read yours...

The desciption at the beginning is very good and creates a wonderful atmosphere, but I'm not sure its how a storyteller would speak a tale to children. It seems a bit mature and complicated. Or maybe children in your world understand it, I don't know.

Seven feet tall! Wow! *attempts to picture how tall that actually is but fails*

Considering the ages of these children, I don't think getting into trouble is all that will be hard about bringing them up. If they're anything like teenagers in our world, won't they be demanding things, and being independent. I know the term 'teenager' is modern, but all the same.

Really good beginning. I found no spelling or grammer mistakes, so my comment is somewhat shorter than yours. I'm intrigued, so much as happened already.

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Well, he tells it not so much so that they understand it... it's more a way to convince or remind himself of... something, you'll find out what later on =P You're right about the teenagers, but they've been brought up pretty well, and I didn't want to focus too much on them at this point. Thanks for your comment, I'm very glad you liked this! Do please let me know when the new version of your story is up! =)"
14 Dec 2005:-) Anna M. Mortensen
Ah, well I see Joelle has already sunk her talons into this one. You won't find a better eye in the woods! It's a good thing to because I'm no good at technicalities...

A very intriguing start. Most of the things I spotted have already been mentioned, but I'll throw in a few opinions (so I can sound officious and all).

You have a wonderful knack with descriptions. I'm not the type to point out a lot of lines and suggest things, but I will use one:

"In the flickering light of the torches, his face painted with shifting shadows, he looked almost forbidding." great image, but:
1. Do you mean *foreboding*?
2. Commas are great, but not in certain sentences. Short sentences (even fragments) really get the point across (You should see all my green lines in Word).
Example (this is how I would write it):

The flickering light of the torches painted his face with shifting shadows. He looked almost *foreboding*.

Not that I'd expect you to write like me 2

The only other things I'd suggest is to try and find ways around using or just eliminating the word "and". You use it a lot, which isn't bad, but sometimes it make a sentence choppy. The greatest thing about writing fiction is that we can bend and even break certain rules (not with abandon, mind you).

Well, there is my disjointed comment for the day. Great work and I'll be sure to continue reading.

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thanks for the lovely comment! Actually, I'm pretty sure I *did* mean forbidding (as in stern, threatening) as opposed to foreboding (as in indicative of some trouble in the future, that kind of thing). You're probably right about long sentences and "and"'s; I do tend to be quite partial to those kinds of things. I dunno, it just appeals to me somehow... for example, your suggestion sounded a little too matter-of-fact for me. No offense or anything, that's just how I feel. But you're right in that I use it too often, so it lessens the impact. I shall try to use shorter sentences. From now on. =P Thanks again for the feedback and the comment (very nice and not at all disjointed, in my opinion). I do hope you enjoy the rest of the story!"
27 Dec 2005:-) Anne M. Leath
Just getting to read this now, can't wait to read the next chapters already. Few comments--I love Garth already, am hooked on the suspense (excellent job there as someone has already said), and only one thing that "snagged" my brain was the word "discomfiture". I think its *me* but I just don't like this word in a description of Garth, doesn't seem to fit. But then, you're not describing HIM, just his mood, so I think *I* need to adjust. Love it--write more!

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Wow, thanks =) Yeah I guess "discomfiture" does sound a little weird. Heh. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! I will try to write more! Haha =P"
28 Jan 2006:-) Rachel A Pears
Hi Sam. I have finished the crimson series (please write more) so I've had to start something new. As I wanted to see your 'dark side' thought I'd start here. Yes - an intriguing beginning and one that draws the reader onto the next part. I am most interested in these blood drinking beasties - usually creatures that drink blood, like vampires, retain it internally. So the idea of a creature that leaves loads of stolen blood lying around is a bit different - is it like a blood beast where their skin is lubricated in it? hmmmm. cool. While I do tend to be on the critical side, I am rubbish at punctuation / gramma - so I'm not going there. Besides previous commenters have already done this. One thing which didn't 'ring true' was when you described Jem as being stony faced. As a story-teller I imagined him having a really animated and expressive face. You did also use a contraction (wasn't) - not sure of your feelings on this. Personally I think they are great in dialogue (when characters speak to each other) as it makes the speech more naturalistic. However, I personally don't think they have a place in the prose. I guess this is personal preference. Regards - R

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Oh no, I'm SO SORRY I must have missed this comment! I feel terrible now... sorry =P Anyway, thanks for reading! Hm, I'll have to think about Jem as stony-faced, I think you'll understand when you've read the rest of the story! Also, I must have missed that contraction, thanks for pointing it out. Once again, apologies for not replying sooner..."
16 Feb 2006:-) Beth Alice O´Leary
0.0 This is fantastic. Your descriptions were beautiful, and I really did want to read on. I will read the next part soon!
Only one nitpick - 'The tall stalks of grass seem to shrink back from it, as if they are afraid to touch it'.
The rest of that paragraph is so beautifully crafted that I felt this line stood out a little. Seems a bit clumsy. Maybe try "The tall stalks of grass seem to shrink back, as if afraid to touch it." I think it's the two 'it's that made me notice something wrong 2
Anyway, this was a great read! I will continue as soon as I can!

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Hey Beth! Thanks for dropping by. I'm very glad you liked it! Thanks also for pointing that out, I think your suggestion works better =)"
23 Feb 2006:-) Ryan 'Saint' Stringer
Great first chapter, Sam, it was fast-enough paced that my attention didn't waver (thankfully, as I get bored easily), and I thought you did a great job getting us right into the mind of the main character, without a lot of flitting about inside his head.

The one minor gripe that I had was just that the opening bit (Jeremy's story about the angel, etc) seemed a little bit off to me. I understand what the purpose was, but something about the flow or the language or maybe the vagueness of the whole thing just put me off a little bit, and I didn't really think it made sense in the context of an old man telling tales to children. But that's just me 2

The twist with the strange murder (blood drained without a wound??!) at first sounded vampirish to me, but the lack of 2 small puncture wounds would seem to indicate otherwise. I'm looking forward to reading more, definately!

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Hey Ryan! I'm glad you enjoyed this =) There's actually a purpose to the opening bit, which you'll have to read on to find out, haha. I should point out, however, that there are a few slight inconsistencies which I'll have to work out when I do my eventual re-write... but I don't think they'll spoil your enjoyment of the rest of the story in the least! So, till next time!"
24 May 200645 Han
Hmmm, I'm afraid I am hooked too. Just like with Fazad, I am going to have to read through the whole story so far and revision will just have to be pushed aside... another reason for blaming you for failing my exams!! I dont really blame you by the way, its just all you writers are way too good at hokking in the readers and then not allowing them to leave the computer until the whole story is read and comments have been left everywhere.

*sigh* Off to the next chapter..

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Haha... Well, that's the point, isn't it =) Anyway, I'm glad you're here, and liking it so far!"
18 Mar 2007:-) Désirée Dippenaar
Hello! I'm sorry I haven't been reading and commenting for ages... but I'm glad I came to read this today!! The beginning was already very interesting, and I'm really curious about Jem now. The murder of the woman really sounds frightening... and the blood in the kitchen... I wonder what will happen next!! I like the style of this story, even though it's quite different from the Prophecy. ^^

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Oh, don't worry... I should be the one apologising! I've been pretty busy, and haven't done much to my Elfwood shelf in ages. I'm glad you enjoyed this though; thanks for reading and commenting =)"
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About 'The Last Trumpet chapter 1':
 • Created by: :-) Samuel V. R. Joseph
 • Copyright: ©Samuel V. R. Joseph. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Trumpet, Tavern, Twist, Last, Garth, Riverside
 • Categories: Angels, Religious, Spiritual, Holy, Romance, Emotion, Love, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 278


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