"Princess Sapphire and the Dragon" by Rachel ´Saya´ Lamine

Princess Sapphire and the Dragon
A tale in which the author may twist the facts in any way possible to make the main character look as good as possible

 More commonly titled as:
Princess Sapphire Outwits a Stupid Man
A tale for feminists

Princess Sapphire Aliadora Cassandra Emmaline Josoavitz the Beautiful was the beautiful and only daughter of King Emerald Franklin Edward Joseph Josoavitz the 3^rd.  Of course, for this epic tale we shall shorten her royal name to just Sapphire, for typing the whole thing out, and not to mention remembering it, is murder on my poor overused brain.

Anyway, Sapphire was the most beautiful girl in the land, with long golden curls and brilliant blue eyes.  Every prince around was madly in love with her.  Sapphire was not as delicate a creature as she appeared, however.  True, she knew how to cook and sew and embroider and dance and curtsy just right, but she also knew how to wield a sword, and had beaten every Knight in the land.  This also may have had something to do with the fact that she was Princess and if anything happened to the King’s beloved daughter the Knight who had inflicted the damage would inevitably end up in far worse condition than had been done to poor Sapphire.  But, since I am telling you the epic tale of our dear Princess Sapphire, we shall ignore that minute detail.

“I am the most beautiful girl in the whole land and I can beat every Knight in the realm in a fair battle!” Sapphire shouted with boorish confidence as she sauntered out of the Palace in a beautiful pale blue dress that matched the color of her eyes, a sword detained in her right hand.

“Yes, Princess, we are aware of that,” A tall, handsome Knight drawled, flashing his rows of perfect, gleaming teeth in Sapphire’s direction.  How he managed to keep them so perfectly straight and clean before the invention of braces the world shall never know.

“Good, beause I am the best!” Sapphire screamed again.

“Yes, princess, we are aware of that,” The tall, handsome Knight repeated.  This Knight, of course, was the second best Knight in the realm next to Sapphire—Sir Rodney of Calamar.  She had beaten him once a few years back and never let him forget it.

“Good, because I am the—wait!” The Princess screamed, “I already said that.  Hey!”  She turned to glare at Sir Rodney before whacking him on the head with a mallet that had suddenly appeared in her hand out of thin air.

“Ow…” The tall Knight complained, rubbing his head with his hand, “That hurt Princess.”

“You made me repeat myself!” Sapphire screamed indignantly, making the author wonder if she ever said anything without yelling.

“You made yourself repeat your statement, not I,” Sir Rodney pointed out.

“So!” Sapphire screamed, “How could you do that to me, the royal Princess of your realm?  I beat you in a duel, remember!”

“Yes, I do remember,” Sir Rodney said calmly, “Now, please stop screaming and make that mallet vanish before I have to call your father down here.”

“Idiot!  I hate you!” Sapphire screamed, but the mallet vanished anyway and Sapphire had to content herself with glaring daggers at the Knight.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere a dreadful roar filled the air.

“Sir Knight!  What was that?” Sapphire screamed, this time in terror.

Before Rodney had any time to respond, the hideous bulk of a Dragon came into view from over the palace walls.  It was huge, almost as tall as the Palace, it’s scales a blood red, and its eyes fearsome and cat like.  Razor sharp claws adorned its giant legs, and rows of deadly teeth filled its mouth—a mouth that had the power to breathe fire.

“Ahh!” Sapphire screamed.  She was scared, shaking in terror.  “Save me Sir Rodney!  Slay this fearsome beast and I will marry you!”

“Marry you?” The knight almost choked, “Why the heck would anyone want to marry you?”

“Because I’m beautiful?” Sapphire offered hopefully.  The author died and went to heaven.  Sapphire?  Not screaming?  It was a miracle!

Sir Rodney shook his head, “Not enough incentive there.”

“Beacause I’m Princess and I could give you wealth beyond anything you could ever imagine?”

"Nope.”

“Because you would be King of the Realm when my father dies?”

“Hmm…” Sir Rodney’s musing was interrupted by a rather rude blast of fire that singed the ends of Sapphire’s perfectly curled, well, curls and burned the tips of his freshly dry-cleaned coat.  Sapphire screamed again and Rodney said, “I’ll think about it after I slay the dragon.”

“Good idea!”

The Knight turned around, drawing his big shiny sword from its sheath with a metallic shinging sound.  The Dragon roared again menacingly.  Sapphire screamed and grabbed on to Rodney’s sword arm.

“Let go of me, Princess.  I can’t fight if you hold onto my sword arm!”

“Save me!” Sapphire wailed again.

“Muwahahaha!” Laughed the Dragon who was spiky, “I am spiky!  Fear my wrath!”

The next thing the Knight and his Princess knew, the Dragon had opened its giant mouth, rows of terrible teeth leering out at them, and sucked in a giant breath to exhale a fiery ray of death.  The ray would be fiery and would burn them up in an inferno of warm energy that is moving around really quickly which also happens to be known as fire.  Sapphire did not particularly wish to be burned up by the fiery blast of doom from the Dragon so she did what all Princesses would do in the instance of almost certain death.

“Ahhh!” Sapphire screamed again at the top of her lungs, clutching her slender fingers to her porcelain face in terror, “Save me Sir Rodney!  Slay this fearsome beast!”

The world seemed to slow down as Sir Rodney faced the Dragon, his sword drawn, ready to do anything it took to save his Princess.  The truth was he really did not know what to do.  Anything seemed futile at this point.  Maybe it would be better to give up his life than try and fight.  But no!  Never, would he even dream of doing that!  His duty was to the country and to Princess Sapphire!  He had sworn to protect her no matter the circumstance!  Of course, the italicized print was really all just a big cover up, which wasn’t very good I must add, inserted by the author to try and make the Knight actually seem valiant, which he wasn’t.  Sir Rodney was truly thinking about what he should do to save himself and how he would be able to get his soy latte when this was all over.

With a shout almost as savage as that of the Dragon’s, our valiant hero thrust his sword into the Dragon’s gaping mouth, smashing it in up to the hilt.  Ironically, this cut off the stream of fiery death the Dragon had been about to let free.  The Dragon choked and reared back up onto its hind legs, attempting to roar, and finding that it couldn’t because the Sir Knight’s sword was stuck in its gut.  Panting, Sir Rodney stood back and watched as the Dragon writhed and snorted, before disintegrating into ashes from the pent up fire in its throat.

“Yay!” Sapphire cried in excitement, jumping up and down and throwing her arms around Rodney’s neck, “You saved me Sir Rodney!  You slayed the Dragon!  You will be made a hero in our land and my father will give me to you in marriage as thanks for saving me!  Yay!”

“Uh, right,” Rodney said, gently detaching the Princess from around his neck, “but I wouldn’t exactly call that a gift.”

“But you slayed the Dragon.”

“I know.”

“So you have to marry me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“N-oh forget it!” Rodney, shook his head and waved his hand in dismissal.

“So, you’ll marry me?” Saphhire asked hopefully.

“No!” The Knight exclaimed again, “I’d rather marry your maid!”

Three months later a great crowd of guests, some disgusted but most slightly amused, gathered at the Palace of the Realm to witness the marriage of Sir Rodney of Calamar, the savior of the Princess Sapphire Aliadora Cassandra Emmaline Josoavitz the Beautiful, Hero of the Land, Slayer of All Dragons to Karoline Cinders, former maid of Princess Sapphire Aliadora Cassandra Emmaline Josoavitz the Beautiful.  As the wedding vows were exchanged between a very unhappy Rodney and his pleasantly surprised bride Princess Sapphire sat in the front row of chairs and smirked. 

And that is the story of Princess Sapphire and how she used her superior (the author still believes this word to be a gross exaggeration but she was forced at sword point to add it in) mind powers to outwit a stupid (again, there was a sword at my throat) man who thought himself above her.  And it’s also about the Dragon too.

THE END