"Carefully Placed Thoughts On A Template Of Emotion" by Diana ´Artemis´ Moon´ Schmuckal

            I watched It very carefully

I felt that if I didn’t watch It, somehow It would disappear

            Or worst

I would lose It…again

It was my Heart

            It sat there

                        Like a flower that was wilting

            Pieces of it flaking and falling to the ground

                        Falling flower petals

The petals were a deep red, the color of blood

            The petals were memories

          The petals were thoughts

And most important

        The petals were feelings

They fell so softly and silently

            Only God knows that I didn’t

            Acquire them silently

The ground was black, like charcoal

      I touched my hand to the dirty blackness

            The ground was not made of charcoal

It was made of ashes

My Heart’s petals turned black at the touch

                                    The touch of the burning ashes

            I always thought ashes were red

                                                  When hot

            But those ashes were different

They were empty……filled with emptiness

A hand reached down and touched my Heart

            White porcelain, clean and pure

                 “Who are you?”

                        A question with an answer I already knew

The Figure looked at me with pale eyes

            Eyes that stared right through me and into a universe

                                                                        That I don’t belong to

“I am an echoing room. I am a soundless field. I am a still breath,”

                        I am Nothing

            It wasn’t said, but I knew it anyway.

I just like the sound of that voice

            Smooth and rich,

                                        Filling in broken cracks

                        And falling heavily to the floor

      But yet,

            Wispy and flimsy,

                                          Tickling your ears

                        And laying silently in your hands

“Ah, Nothing,” I said

            To fill in the extra gaps

“It has not been long since I saw you last,” My voice had a laugh

                    But the laugh bounced away as Nothing looked away from me

And the Nothing picked up my Heart

                                    And gathered the broken pieces

“I’ve tried fixing It, but It can’t heal enough before It is broken anyway,”

                                    So…

            “I finally just put It down and now I am watching it die,”

It was a morbid statement, but experiencing such a numbing feeling

                                                                                    Was wonderful

            Nothing scrutinized my Heart

                        “Such a waste…,” The voice was thick and coated my ears and throat

I coughed to relieve myself, but the sticky substance remained

            The drifting eyes turned towards me

But always looked past

            “Does It hurt that bad?” The voice was now thin and wiry

It made my hands and the back of my neck itch and tingle

            I rubbed my skin unconsciously

“Yes,” I think it was more of the buildup that any particular incident

                        All I know is that the pain grew too unbearable

            I would grasp at my Heart, trying to coax warmth

                                                                                    And love

But It cut me and made my fingers bleed.

                        But never with blood

            Nothing doesn’t speak, but instead made a moaning

                                                And rolling noise

It drifted over me in waves

                        And even in my numbed state

            I could feel the pain

                        The sadness

                                    The loss

                                                            That I had now given up

            Nothing made another noise

                                    Screeching and starchy

It cut me continuously

            I could feel the happiness

                        The content

                                    The love

                                                            That I had now given up

“Please!” I screamed, “Stop!”

            My voice to Nothing

                        I made a mistake, but what could I do?

How can something so broken

                                                Be fixed?

Nothing tried to hand me the remains of my Heart

                        But I wouldn’t take it

            I couldn’t take it

                                                “The first step

                                                                        Is to take what is yours”

            The broken Heart cut my hands

The pain relieved no blood

                                    Or feeling

            Nothing held my hands around my Heart

Like solid air            Like floating drops of water           Like Nothing

                                                “The second step

                                                                            Is to feel what is yours”

The emotions fill me again

                        All so wonderful

            All so painful

                                    All of them mine

            Nothing leans forwards and whispers to my ear

Words curling around my head, before sinking into my thoughts

                                                “The third step

                                                                        Is to let go”

I felt it before I realized it

            My fingers loosened

                        My hands relaxed

                                    My wrists fell

   But My Heart didn’t move

                                              It hung in the air

            But with my hands no longer around It

                                                                          No longer holding It

My Heart went through a transformation

            The pieces meshed together

                                                            In random order

                        They hardened into something much stronger

                                                                                    A perfect shield

            Nothing watched as my Heart hung itself correctly on my chest

                        The armor uncomfortable

                                                But it protected me

                                    From pain    From happiness    From loss

                                                From content    From sadness    From love

No one would be able to enter it ever again

                        Except Nothing