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Karen Stevens

"Dancer" by Karen Stevens

SF&F Picture 2 out of 4 by Karen Stevens
 
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Another short piece. This is supposed to be set in a gritty, fantasy-cyberpunk world: the traditional fantasy elements of different races/magic and so on, but the world's technology has evolved to cyperpunk level and has the same 'life is cheap' feel to it. Any comments (including suggestions for a decent title!) gratefukky received!
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She knew something was wrong a moment after she turned into the alley; she could sense an air of vague menace, the scent of predators, even before she spotted the figures crowded around a small fire, hunched half in the shadow of an empty doorway. She briefly considered retreating, but they'd noticed her now, and the surest way to draw predators was to run, she knew.

Bracing herself, she continued walking, staring fixedly at the far end of the alley as the faint drizzle continued to fall. She could see them out of the corner of her eye – four young men – no, five, to judge from the stealthy noises behind her, soles scuffing on cobbles, clothing rasping on bricks. Does the idiot think I'm deaf? She wondered.

Well, well; take a look at this, boys.” He had to be the leader, wiry and pockmarked, dressed in worn, scuffed leathers. Light winked dully on metal rings and studs as he strolled forward to block her way, thumbs hooked in his belt. “Where ya going to, silverhair?”

She ignored his words, stopping in front of him as the other members of his little band sauntered forward, spreading out in a loose semi-circular line behind him. “Can you move out of my way, please?” Her voice was low, with a faint rough edge.

No need to rush off, babe. You can spend some time with us.”

She scowled at him. “I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm not in a good mood. Do yourself a favour and get out of my way. Now.”

A couple of the men sniggered, but she ignored them, gaze locked with the leader's. He flushed and raised a hand, metal claws sliding out from underneath his nails and locking in place with a tiny scnick. “You'll give us your time and whatever else we fancy, bitch.”

She snorted with contempt, flicking back a loose strand of hair from her cheek. “Am I supposed to be scared or something?”

His colour deepened to purple. “You're dead, you whore!” He spat.

Not yet.” She let her cloak drop to the ground, drawing a pair of short, slender swords from her belt. She spun in a quick circle, blades flashing to take the one behind her in throat and stomach, the impossibly sharp edges cutting through skin, muscle and cartilage with ease. And then she was facing the others again, so quickly she not have moved at all, save for the body cooling behind her and the crimson sheen on her blades.

She gave a tiny, feral smile at the thugs, who stared at her in disbelief. “My name's dancer,” she said calmly, a snarl under her words. “Let me show you boys how I earned it.”


***


Ten minutes later she crouched to wipe her blades clean on the remains of the leader's shirt. Sheathing her swords, she grimaced when she caught sight of his claws, blunted and chipped. “If you're going to have those things fitted you really should take care of them,” she remarked to his corpse.

With a faint shrug she picked up her cloak, cursing softly at the filthy damp stains on it and continued on her way.

←- A Night In The Life Of | The Hunter; prologue -→

DateNameComment 
23 Nov 2007:-) Douglas Eckhart
I really liked this story. Well, as much as one can say they like a story about punks being slaughtered in an alleyway. If I raved too much about how much I liked it, people might think I had an excessive blood-lust!

All that aside, I thought the story was very well done. It wasn't drawn out any longer than it needed to be and the style was great. I don't know if I've seen any other cyberpunk stories on Elfwood, actually. It was nice to see something different.

There were one or two minor things that you might want to correct. I found it a bit confusing that the gang spread out in a semi-circle behind the leader, yet one was behind the girl. It just seemed a bit of odd positioning. Also, there were some very minor spelling type things that I noticed, "so quickly she not have moved at all," seems to be missing a word after 'she'. And when she says that her name is Dancer, it should most likely be capitalized, if it's her name.

I don't know if I'd change the title from, "Dancer" to anything else. Single word titles seem to be in style lately, and it describes this one well, since it's something of a character piece about the Dancer character.

1 Karen Stevens replies: "Thanks - I'm glad you liked it! I'd like to develop the 'fantasy-cyberpunk' style a bit more in the future; I'll have to see how it goes. And thanks for pointing out the mistakes: sometimes the story comes out faster than my hands can keep up with; I should have proof-read this more carefully!"
30 Nov 2007:-) Richard Aaron Bruns
I'm not sure who the gang members were. Were they a semi-human race, or just plain humans? Also, is this meant to be set in the same world as the other story?

2 Karen Stevens replies: "  Well, thank you for commenting on both stories! In answer to your questions, the gang members were just your average run-of-the-mill humans (not saying Dancer is, though...) who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. And no, the stories are set in two different worlds: Louise and Jorey live in an alternative earth - like out own world, but with vampires and weres lurking in the shadows whilst this story takes place in a cyberpunk-fantasy world."
14 Dec 2007:-) Stephanie Jane Major
This is cool. Is "Dancer" an elf? The fantasy-cyberpunk setting reminds me a bit of the Shadowrun world; I'd love to see more of this kind of stuff on here. I wrote a cyberpunk story myself about an underground world populated by dark-elves with humans as slaves; I had in mind a Bladerunner type atmosphere. Unfortunatly I wrote it about fifteen years ago and the writing style isn't all that great, so I'm too embarrassed to post it on here! 2

:-) Karen Stevens replies: "Oops! sorry for taking so long to reply! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad you liked the setting; I see it as a sort of 'reverse-Shadowrun' - rather than the earth getting magic and other races, the fantasy world developed technology.Please re-write and post your story, I would love to read it (Bladerunner is one of my favourite movies! I love the atmosphere in that film!)!"
10 Jan 200845 Amanda Kümmel Magalhćes
I love your writing style, it keeps up a great pace for the fabulously action-packed stories you write! I can actually imagine Milla Jovovich starring them, all the badass dialogue lines! =)
30 Mar 2008:-) Marianne Ųsterbų
I love her and this is really my kind of story!! You describe the action very well and I think the story is all over well-written!

:-) Karen Stevens replies: "Thanks! I like Dancer, even if she is a tad aggressive!"
19 May 200845 Yavin_base
Hi Karen. J here. Quite a nice little piece, and I recall reading it before. I agree with Douglas above, that when your heroine announces that her name is ’dancer’, that it should be capitalised. Are you able to edit stories after they have been posted?

I felt that like putting something in at the beginning, when she enters the alley, and detects that something is wrong, though for your writing style, it might be too flippant?

She knew something was wrong a moment after she turned into the alley; of course, there was a school of thought that said going into the alley in the first place was a mistake, but she had never gone to that school. Although, there was a vague chance she may have played them at hockey.

I was initially confused by Dancer hitting the punk behind her, but you did state that she spun in a quick circle. Perhaps half circle would be better, to put one of them behind her?

She snorted with contempt, flicking back a loose strand of hair from her cheek. “Am I supposed to be scared or something?”

Karen, I liked this description and phrase A LOT. Very natural, and embodies where the story was leading to.

Overall, very good.
9 Aug 2008:-) Norma Peters
Hehe, vigilante justice at its best. 12 Descriptive sections and dialogue are natural, and read with an easy, relaxed flow. Well done!

:-) Karen Stevens replies: "Thanks, I’m glad you liked it; it’s really best not to annoy Dancer (but I personally think they deserved what they got!)"
13 Oct 2008:-) James G. Jackson
I was thinking Shadowrun too. My favourite part is the last few lines. Clearly a professional with standards. (Also, like how the actual fight was so swift!) PS. "Ten minutes later..."? Two minutes tops, I’d say. ;-)

:-) Karen Stevens replies: "I think Dancer is one of these "If you’re going to do something, do it properly" types. And possibly ten minutes was too long; maybe she was giving them a fighting chance...or playing with them like a cat with a mouse."
25 Feb 2009:-) Katie Collishaw
This was fantastic... Very detailed for the shortness of it.. The leader of the pack reminds me of wolverine, with the claws. Awesome.

:-) Karen Stevens replies: "Comparing this guy with Wolverine is like comparing a kitten with a mountain lion...but I do like the claws :0)"
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About 'Dancer':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Karen Stevens
 • Copyright: ©Karen Stevens. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Fantasy, Cyberpunk, Sword, Woman, Gangs, Violence
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Techno, Cyber, Technological, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 357


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The Turning
A Night In The Life Of
The Hunter; prologue

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