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Stories / Stories / Shelby Kristen Irons / Text 2 of 16 / Away the World (poem)

"Away the World (poem)" by Shelby Kristen Irons

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 16 by Shelby Kristen Irons. ←Previous - Next→

Hmmm...check out the rhythm patterns in this one. Notice anything? ::wink wink::

←- Aftermath | Dueling Banjos -→

now

sleeping

blow softly

out the candles,

snuff away the world

enchanted gateway's near

with the coming of darkness

as the mind castles crumble down

layer by layer, the dreamer drifts

through gossamer webs of fancy delights

←- Aftermath | Dueling Banjos -→

Date	Name	Comment
2 Mar 2002	Katie Sweet	Loading... This is really lovely. One thing I would suggest: take out the periods and capitals except at the beginning and end. They're not necessary, and they distract the eye from the beautiful symmetry of the pyramid. Shelby Kristen Irons replies: " That's a really good idea! Thanks Katie! You're soooo sweet. I bet you dont hear that much! ::grins oh so sweetly:: I will change it. I appreciate your feedback!"
21 Mar 2002	Karl J. Boivin	Loading... I like this poetry because it kinda says whre this world of our is going to... The dreamer dreams while around him, in silence, the world is crashing down... I'll come back for more and thanks for commenting my texts. Shelby Kristen Irons replies: "Hiya Carl...thanks for el commento! And your welcome....I love your stuff. I vist your gallery often."
25 May 2002	Anastasia I-Morn-Gwathren	Loading... Wow, that's very interesting! YOu know, there's a branch of poetry where you write words in the form of what you're writing about. I saw one poet wrote a poem about a tie and it looked like a tie! It's hard to describe, but he put the words so it looked like a tie! Anyway, great job on this one!
27 May 2002	Navah Rosensweig	Loading... Ooh. Tres cool, m'lass. I like the poem, and I like the structure. Good job on all accounts.
5 Jul 2002	Andrea Leslie	Loading... I really like how this starts with one word and slowly spreads out, I can just imagine this poem expanding into dreams. Very creative!
27 Aug 2002	Zachary D. McCauley	Loading... to Katie Sweet's comment Periods often help in poetry to show articulation in speech of the poem. If Shelby wanted to pause she could place a comma or a semi-colon, and if she wanted to end the phrasing with a certain tone, for effect, she could use a period. (That stuff's for you to consider, Shelby ^.^) No bitterness intended, Katie! ^_^
6 Sep 2002	Navah Rosensweig	Loading... Heya, Shelby! I stumbled across this poem again via the random button, and I still really like it, and thought I'd tell you so again! Oh - and I've updated!
14 Dec 2002	Timothy Walsh	Loading... This is interesting, I've seen work like this before, but its usually pretty trite; this is not. You seem to have excellent control of the English language and all of its nuances (I agree with the commenter above, gossamer is one of the best words ever). You certainly are a wonderful writer and poet. Keep up the good work.
1 Dec 2003	Amber Silver	Loading... This is gorgeous. I love the form and I love the last line, /through gossamer webs of fancy delights/. Gossamer. Gossamer. Gossamer. Must... commit gossamer to ... memory. That's a beautiful word. Very effective!
18 Dec 2004	Kim (Deb Smiths daughter)	Loading... I really liked your poem. I was surprised at how short it was but Im still a virgin Elfwood explorer. But the imagery was beautiful. It just seemed so peaceful.
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