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Stories / Stories / Kate "Silverfish" Jennings / Text 3 of 9 / Songs of the Downtrodden 3 (poem)

"Songs of the Downtrodden 3 (poem)" by Kate "Silverfish" Jennings

SF&F Picture 3 out of 9 by Kate "Silverfish" Jennings

A subversive lullaby, sung by the mothers of an oppressed but never hopeless people, waiting to work out their own liberation (see Song of the Downtrodden 1 and 2 for more details). The 'garland of leaves' is the tsedek-bush crown with which the king-in-exile is remembered and honoured.

SONGS OF THE DOWNTRODDEN 3: Lullaby

Hush now, hush now
Hear the white bird
On its wings the blood of a thousand men and women.
Lie still, lie easy
Oh my heart's one.

Hush now, hush now
Hear the fine horses
Each hoofbeat a brand on the hearts of your fathers.
Lie still, lie easy
Oh my heart's one.

Hush now, hush now
Each night has brought morning.
Dream of a cold crown shattered and sundered.
Dream of a soft voice speaking the words of the people.
Dream of proud hearts and a garland of leaves.
Lie still, lie easy
Oh my heart's one.

←- Songs of the Downtrodden 2 (poem) | Songs of the Downtrodden 4 (poem) -→

Date	Name	Comment
21 Mar 2003	Charles Mills Trowbridge	Loading... You may want to check out this pair of lines again. "Hear the white bird On its wings the blood of a thousand men and women." it's missing somthing. Just a little somthing that links the two togather, I think. Perhaps the objectification of the bird (it's, rather than who's) doesnt serve your purpuse as well as it might, or maybe changing the "the" after wings into "are" to turn it into a metaphor would flow better. I'm not shure, it's your peice, but I might think about that point, because it drew me up out of the transe-sleep-mood of the peice. Kate "Silverfish" Jennings replies: "I might change it to either: "see the white bird / on its wings..." or "hear the white bird. On its wings is the blood...". Thanks for pointing that out."
3 May 2003	Charles Mills Trowbridge	Loading... see the white bird / on its wings that's difinitly better. It leaves the flow of the poem intact while still leaving it open from too many clarifying adverbs.
22 Sep 2004	Michiel 'Blood Raven' van Lierop	Loading... It's a nice lullaby, though some sentences seem a bit difficult to sing. I tried singing the song inside my head (truely attempting to sing with my voice is a horror, especially now I have a cold) and had some difficulty fitting in "shattered and sundered" it seems too long or something, or maybe I just got the tune wrong. ANyway, I still like it Kate "Silverfish" Jennings replies: "Mm. You're probably right. They're uncomfortable-sounding words. This one was not written with a specific tune in mind, btw. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! And I hope your cold gets better."
22 Sep 2004	Piero d'Clown	Loading... This is appalling. I like it. Kate "Silverfish" Jennings replies: "Thankyou. I think."
23 Sep 2004	Dark Lady	Loading... I love it, it's great, youère very talented. Kate "Silverfish" Jennings replies: "Thankyou. It's nice when people enjoy something I've written!"
2 Apr 2008	Jacob Bowdin	Loading... Hmmm, a bit depressing for a lullabye, but fits perfectly with a song supposed to ready the next generation for a rebellion, nicely done.

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About 'Songs of the Downtrodden 3 (poem)':

• Status: OK
• Created by:

Kate "Silverfish" Jennings
• Copyright: ©Kate "Silverfish" Jennings. All rights reserved!

• Keywords: Lullaby, Oppressed, Freedom
• Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc, Celtic
• Views: 302

More by 'Kate "Silverfish" Jennings':

Evening, for Ella (poem)	Taking Wing (poem)	Fragment and Song
Songs of the Downtrodden 4 (poem)	Melaine (poem)	Songs of the Downtrodden 2 (poem)
Songs of the Downtrodden 1 (poem)	Dark Nursery Rhymes (poem)

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