HOL has a very good plotline and you demonstrate a good writing style. However, your characters seem to have things solved for them a bit easily. They seem a bit unprepared (going into a desert without supplies) and perhaps a bit naive (accepting help from suspicious characters).

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Thankyou for your comment. I agree with the "help from suspicious strangers" part, and i'm going to be changing that as soon as possible. I plan on making the stranger's a bit friendlier and less suspicious. But the dessert part... that was my idea. They go in unprepared. Again, thx for the comment!"

That they seem somewhat unprepared when they enter the desert is perfectly clear to me... And they do seem to get things solved as a normal person would most of the time. By being at the right place at the right time..

And since I'm defending the story you can see that I love it this far!

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Thx Tom. It is good to know i have a fan somewhere out there. "

You are such a great writer and very creative!!!you should go pro with this stuff. This is well...exelent!!

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Thank you very much!! I love getting new comments complimenting me! 8^) As to going pro... i would love to get my work published... but that will have to wait till i'm a bit older and more experienced. I find one of the hardest things about writing for me, is i'm not knowledgable about the world enough. Well, thx again, and ill be visiting ur gallery soon!"

Ive only read the first chapter of your story, but tis great!! You should complete the story soon, ne? cuz Im not used to read such long stories ^_^;;;
Im myself a fanfic writer (PG13) ^_^ keep up the good work!

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Ok i'll try too. =) Well, even if you've only read the first chapter, i'm glad you like it. I know it can be a bit daunting to click on a story and see how long it is... then see there are another 7 chapters you have to read! "

p.s.s.- I didn't read your description of yourself until after I wrote my last comment. I have to admit, you are infinitely cool. I can't wait for the revision of the seventh or whatever or the eighth chapter.
description of myself- I recently turned thirteen, I'm much too tall, I love to write, I love to read, I love to draw, Crystal is actually one of my six best friends' names, and Charlene is my actual one. Not much else to me except for my mom who is almost as cool as you. Key word 'almost.' No body else is even remotely as cool.

Ben S. Fraser replies: "You are very good with compliments. "

I have found your stories particularly intriguing. I love everything about them, except the sudden ending. I want more information. And he should have lasted longer. I can't help it; I love your stories.
Please write more! I'm running out of things this good to read. My local library has to keep getting books to satisfy me. Unfortunately, they don't get really good books like your's too often. You should publish these. Every other book lover needs to read them, too.

p.s.- I normally don't write this much in comments. Sorry about that.

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Thank you for your comment. I am extremely happy to here that you like my writing! I don't get that often, . I just got back from vacation and reading this has been a fabulous finish to it. I must say though, i'm not going to be finishing this for a long time.... Me and my brother, (brandon fraser), are going to be writing together for some time... I doubt we will be posting it on Elfwood or any other online fantasy writing site. But thx for the comment! "

Once again, a second comment on the same day. I reread my last one's and I still completely agree with them. My library has run out, so I took to the internet, where I find better books than at the library, but still not as good as yours. Hey! Whaddaya know? This comment's short!

Hey! It's me again. I check up on you for the final draft on Chap.7, but I never took a look at the comments, so I didn't see your reply 'til recently. In reply to your reply, I only give compliments to those I see fit and you have been deemed worthy.(Sorry, just had to put that in there.) Ano (Japanese for 'um')... I don't even remember what all I put down on my last reviews (not surprising, with my memory), but I will say I'm still waiting for that final draft, even with the hundreds (literally) other books I'm reading.

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Well, i've just checked up on this page, and i'd like to uh, thank you once again for your compliments =). I'm sorry i havn't got anything else up, uh, and sorry to disapoint you by telling you that i won't be getting anything up on HoL for a long, long time. I'm currently writing with my dear brother, Brandon L. Fraser, and we are working on a major piece. I probably won't be posting it up, since we are writing it to publish it... Well, if i do any other work or anything, i'll email or post it. Again, thx for the comment, and I hope your library will get some good books in soon =) (i'd recommend reading Robin Hobb or Raymond E. Feist, personally)."

I am 15 too.

I am planning on becoming a writer once i leave school.
my writing is to be based on adventure/fantasy, and i have read many books. I can tell you a few things which may help you to enhance your already good stories.

when you describe your characters the more description you use the more synthetic the character becomes in the eyes of the viewer. The less description allows the reader's mind to cheate a picture of the character with their own imagination. But you HAVE to use some description so the readers understand the characters form and personality.

When you write your stories try to increase the vocabulary and include many names, places and happenings. Also talk as if it were very old fasioned. eg. 'My wisdom tells me so, young Aldrid, though your arrogance tells you so.'the wizard said gazing at the high rugged blue mountain range.
- Sort of like that, though i could improve a phraze like that greatly.

You also may want to be very narrative when you tell your stories. Be a great story 'teller' for example:

+- They climbed the high mountains, scaled great cliffs, ferried along a ravaging ocean and passed the villages of Neumenor.

You may want to include poems in your story (though this is not my speciality) it improves the storey lines intensity and many readers like that kind of thing.

You may also want to talk about the character's thoughts in the storey eg a brief example:
It reminded of him when The humans romamed many plains, sought after the sword and then destroyed themselves under their foolish acts. Though those times have passed and the humans now once again control great civilizations, rule many places. But once again their corruption is inevitable by their greed and will surpass them and their valour will fail them.

I could write much more but i beleive i will leave you to find out about that. I appreciate your work and like your style and in the near future i can say that you make comparison with Tim Winton

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Well, i am greatful for the advice, truly i am. Too many ppl just say, 'Your writing is good! keep it up!' you know? They just want to put something so you'll go comment on theirs Well, I havn't had anything to update on this site.... so, the story, is from 2 years ago. I am 17 currently, and am working on other things... I understand where you are coming from with your advice, and will keep in it mind while i write =) Good luck with your writing when you get out of school!"

Umm... Yeah. It's me again. This has got to be getting annoying to you, but I wanted to mention that it would seem really silly for me, who is younger and probably more immature than you, to try and correct anything in your story. Oh, and your email address is freaking out every computer I get on, so I have no other way to contact you.
Good luck with the big project!

Ben S. Fraser replies: "Well, you know I just love hearing from you charlene! i'm sorry i havn't responded earlier, but elfwood was down for a while and my days are mostly taken up with acting and music and such. If you read my new bio and w/e when the ticket gets through, you'll find a new story and a short poetry piece i wrote. *you have to have two stories to be in wyverns library so i wrote it hehe* Hope to hear from you!"