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Frank Adrian Istad

"Bridge of America" by Frank Adrian Istad

SF&F Picture 1 out of 3 by Frank Adrian Istad
 
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This was my Easter exam, made it up in 10 minutes or so, got 5 on it, so I'm kinda proud:) This is also a little more soft version than the original which i submitted at school (That means: less bad words:P) sorry for the rushed ending, had to spellcheck before submitting:P
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Bridge of America



A sound broke the silence of the empty room, or nearly empty, an arm reached towards the watch on the table next to the bed. The sound stopped. A drowsy man raised up from his bed, yawned, and started to get dressed. The man took a sleepy look towards the watch, it read 05:30. He sighed, soon I'll have to wake up the boys he thought, while taking on his shirt. He then walked towards a desk. There was a plastic bag with some compressed food in it. He ate it. He took another glare towards the watch, 05:39. Still some time left, he thought and started to do some sit-ups and push-ups. He took one final stare towards the watch, 05:59. He smiled, my moment to shine.


He stepped out of his room, there was a big hall with twenty beds. He said quietly:  "Boys, you'd better wake up now, or else I'll have to shout" No response. He smiled again. "NOW GET UP, YOU WORTHLESS MEN!!!". Suddenly twenty people were lined up next to their beds and had their hand placed on their forehead, like a salute. He barely managed to not smile. That was his Squad, and he would lead them to battle, if the war reached America. Cause he was Jack Morrison, Sergeant of Delta Squad, which were a part of the ABD, the American Bridge Defence, that guarded the bridge to Europe.


The year was 2111. it was the ten year anniversary of the Great Euro-American Bridge. But also the two year anniversary of the Islam War. In 2098 many Islamic leaders overthrew several African governments and took over the countries. Both the US and the EU nations were tired of fighting the Arabs, and didn't interfere. The new Islamic nations and the old ones made a coalition, COA, Coalition Of Allah. The COA blocked all communications between lands that weren't in the Coalition and themselves. Only Muslims could get in, none could get out. The people were to either convert to Islam, or die, no one escaped. Then, in 2109, after eleven years of brainwashing the people, the COA assaulted Europe. Neither USA or the Asian countries helped, Asia wanted to see Europe burn, and USA was to exhausted to help. The war has lasted for two years, Europe is slowly losing.


The bridge was constructed a couple of kilometres from New York City. The bridge itself had a 20-lane span and had several stops and hotels on it. It led into a highway of the same size, which broke into smaller sections later. The military had always had a great presence there, but now its stronger than ever. The Americans fear that the COA will cross the bridge and assault USA. There has been no words from any of the hotels or people from the other side of the bridge. USA is preparing for war on familiar soil.


Jack had gun practice. He shouted to his men. "PUT YOUR GUN ON ONE SHOT!" Twenty guns clicked as they followed his command. "AIM!" They pointed their guns at the shooting disk. "FIRE!" They shot at the disks. "DOWN!" They aimed the gun at the ground. They repeated the drill a couple of times, before Jack gave them a couple of minutes free. He took up a gun himself. Aimed it at the shooting disk, fired and hit it in the middle. He grinned, the gun was reliable as always. It was a GP 372 I, an automatic rifle. 50 bullets a clip and the accuracy of a sniper rifle. He loved the gun, and he would wage many battles with it, if he don't die first, that is.


Later that day, a Lieutenant arrived at the barrack. Jack met him outside. "What's the reason for this "pleasant" visit?" Jack asked sarcastic. "Shut up Morrison, your squad is to meet up at the bridge in 20 minutes, we have got a report that someone is coming over". "What? How?" "We got a radio transmission from over the bridge, the guy sounded Arabic, so we don't take any chances. So you'd better get your ass over there quickly, got it?" "Aye, sir" Jack saluted, and the Lieutenant left. He went back into the barrack. Then he ordered his men "Get your gear men, we're going to the Bridge"


Some twenty minutes later the squad arrived at the bridge, loaded with weapons. All the other squads were there already. Tanks dotted the landscape, the bridge was ready for war. Jack met up with the Lieutenant again. "You are late" " I know, it took some time to round up these meat heads." The lieutenant looked at Jack's ear. "Be sure to be connected with the ComLink, so we don't need to shout after your sorry ass." Jack was tired. "ComLink is connected. All systems in the suit are functional, I'm no longer a recruit, you remember?" The Lieutenant smiled. "Guess we'll find out, huh?" Jack didn't bother to answer. A mist covered the bridge.


Delta Squad was first in line. They were the front, and also the first to be slaughtered if a massacre started. Jack was kinda nervous. Suddenly a shadow appeared in the fog. It walked slowly, but firmly, with stern determination. When the shadow came 20 metres from Jack, it stopped. It was a man, an Arabian. The Arabian cleared his throat an started to speak. "I am a messenger for Allah, the only true God. I come to say that His true people will not stand for the injustice you have brought to His world, neither will He. We will cleanse you unholy beasts from His world, and paint your streets with your own blood. A new age will begin, the Age of Allah!"


Then the Messenger opened his shirt. There was a dynamite belt. He raised his hand, it was a detonator in it. "DEATH TO A..." Jack shot him in the head. No bomb exploded, it was safe. The soldiers started to clap their hands. The lieutenant patted him on the left shoulder and said "Way to go, kid" Yeah, thanks a lot, you demeaning son of a bitch, he thought to himself. Everybody was relaxed and thought the treat was over. Then they heard an explosion.


A skyscraper in New York came crushing down, killing thousands. Another one was hit, by a missile that came from the mist. Then, huge battle ships came and attacked the city. Large tanks and a horde of infantry was deployed into the city, it was too fast, it will be overrun. Jack looked at the bridge again, just to see the pleasant view of ten tanks mowing side by side on the bridge, coming to kill them. Jack screamed "TANKS ON THE BRIDGE, GET COVER!!" While he run towards the side of the bridge. And as he jumped of the bridge, he could hear the roar of ten tank shells being shot towards his fellow squad mates.


He was under the bridge. The cold water was the least of pain, compared to what the pain he got from the horrors that was happening on the bridge. He swam ashore. He looked towards New York City, all he could see was explosions. The city will go down in an inferno of death and destruction. He managed to hide the tears in his eyes. He started to climb the hill up to the bridge. The fighting on the bridge ensued. Most of Jack's squad mates were dead. The only one that remained was Frank Donahue. He was sniper and managed to get some of the of the Soldiers that came pouring out from the bridge.


He saw Jack come up from the hill. "You made it? Its good to see you Sarge, I think I'm the only one left." Jack got down beside him, saw a GOA coming from the bridge, and killed him. A message was heard trough the ComLink. "Sergeants, are there anyone out there?" Jack answered "This is Jack Morrison, Sergeant of Delta Squad. I've only got one man left, please advise." "Is that man close to you now? Are you close to the bridges pillars?" Jack looked down. "yes, why?" Jack heard sigh. "That's great, you got the order to retreat, but before that, we have to cut the sons of bitches line of transportation" "And?" Jack heard an angry sigh. "Shoot the god-dam bridge pillars with RPG's and let those bastards drown. Got it?" "yes sir" Jack looked at Frank, he had already found an RPG. Frank smiled and said "Lets roll"


They both aimed their RPG's, found a weak spot, and fired at it. A large hole appeared at the pillar. The RPG's reloaded themselves and they fired again. The pillar broke. Under the weight of the tanks, the part of the bridge near land, collapsed and came crushing down with the screams of the doomed soldiers on it. They both ran, back to base, found a Jeep, and drove like the fastest it could. Jack was at the wheel. They sat in silence, until Frank finally something "I knew that bridge wouldn't last long, just knew it" Then Jack answered "Kinda ironic that you brought it down then, huh?" "Yeah, do you have any idea of what we are doing tomorrow?" "No, Frank, not a clue"

 

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DateNameComment 
30 Jul 2008:-) David Michael
Hello! I can tell English isn’t your first language, so I’ll be gentle with my crits. However, for the first sentence to be grammatically correct, it should be like this (with changes in brackets): "A sound broke the silence of the empty[, or nearly empty,] room [as] an arm reached towards the watch on the table next to the bed."

"A drowsy man [rose]..." Not "raised." Even native English speakers mess this up all the time. Also, whenever you have him look at the clock and see the clock’s time, the comma should be replaced with a colon. And the phrase "took a sleepy look" is too awkward. Also, you never "take a glare" or anything other than a look, in such a context. Let the sentence read, "The man looked sleepily towards the watch: it read 05: 30."

"He sighed[.] [S]oon I’ll have to wake up the boys[,] he thought, while [pulling] on his shirt." It’s best to separate a character’s thoughts clearly from the narration, otherwise they get confused. I’d suggest you italicize all his thoughts throughout.

"He stepped out of his room [into] a big hall with twenty beds." Beware of using commas like periods. You do that frequently throughout this piece, so I’m not going to point out each instance. Just make sure you clean up the grammar and punctuation here.

(comment continued)
30 Jul 2008:-) David Michael
"The war has lasted for two years[.] Europe is slowly losing." This would be more effective as its own little paragraph.

"There has been no [communication]." Also, in narration, always refer to the U.S. as either the United States or America or the United States of America. Abbreviations like the USA and the U.S. should be used only in casual speech.

"Jack had gun practice." Are you saying Jack is leading the practice? That’s what happens in the paragraph, so just say it. To say he "had practice" implies someone else is leading it, with him practicing like a regular soldier.

"if he [didn’t] die first, that is" Unless this is his actual thoughts, use correct grammar.

"Jack asked sarcastic[ally]."

Also, when two people are talking, each speaker must have his own separate paragraph for dialogue. For example:

>Later that day, a Lieutenant arrived at the barrack. Jack met him outside
"What’s the reason for this "pleasant" visit?" Jack asked sarcastic[ally].
"Shut up[,] Morrison[.] [Y]our squad is to meet up at the bridge in 20 minutes[.] [W]e have got a report that someone is coming over[."]
"What? How?"
"We got a radio transmission from over the bridge[.] [T]he guy sounded Arabic, so we don’t take any chances. So you’d better get your ass over there quickly, got it?"
"Aye, sir" Jack saluted, and the Lieutenant left. He went back into the barrack[s]. Then he ordered[,] "Get your gear[,] men, we’re going to the Bridge[.]"<
30 Jul 2008:-) David Michael
"Tanks covered the landscape." What landscape? Has the enemy crossed the entire Atlantic bridge without any ship, plane, or SATELLITE spotting them? That seems a tad too unbelievable. But you said you came up with this in 10 minutes and rushed it a bit, so I’ll cut you some slack. Still, you could do to specify the landscape a bit. Are they on land a few kilometers from New York? Or are they on the massive highway/bridge? Give us some bearings.

"The Arabian cleared his throat an[d] started to speak." Also, "Arabian" as a noun refers to the horse breed, so either say "the Arabian man" or "the Arab."

Well, now that I’m done: Not bad for a 10-minute idea! Obviously there are tons of logistical holes and whatnot, the invasion being very easy and fast, and America showing no naval or air force. If you want to turn it into a serious short story, then you’ll need to think everything out a lot more. But I’m assuming this was just for fun, in which case I guess you succeeded. It’s a fun little bit. The idea of a bridge from America to Europe is so gargantuan and preposterous that I love it. It’s the kind of thing that would make an excellent sci-fi painting.

Well, I’m glad I stopped by. I visited you as a result of the forum "comment exchange" thing, so I’d love for you to check out some of my stuff! Feel welcome...
8 Aug 2008:-) Chris King
I think you have a good idea here for a short story, but as mentioned before you’ll need to fix some of the logic holes and flesh out some of the action and explanation a little more.

One thing I would recommend for future formatting is to separate out dialogue so different people aren’t speaking in the same paragraph. It would make it easier to follow who is speaking, and make it easier for you to edit.

That being said, I’d like to see what comes next for Jack and Frank!

:-) Frank Adrian Istad replies: "It might be good1"
28 Aug 2008:-) Vlad N. Dayvof
Ha ha, that last bit of it is funny. Again I don’t like reading, and I could read the whole thing. As far as grammar goes, you just need to improve on it, it’s not as big a deal as some people make it seem.

:-) Frank Adrian Istad replies: "Why, thank you, the others are just trying to help, and I’m glad for that1"
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About 'Bridge of America':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Frank Adrian Istad
 • Copyright: ©Frank Adrian Istad. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Usa, Allah, New, York, Islam, Muslim
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Urban Fantasy and/or Cyberpunk, History-based, Parallel or Alternate Reality/Universe
 • Views: 571


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The Frankie Chronicles Chapter I
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