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Laura Skylie Engler

"Becoming" by Laura Skylie Engler

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 13 by Laura Skylie Engler.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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This poem was a real stretch, a challenge to write. Psuedo song lyrics on what it's like to become a vampire.
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←- The Audience | Among Chaos -→
Fading...falling...coming undone
Twisting...turning...isn't this fun?
Blurring...blending...slowly become
Strange...and empty...fright'ning one

Pain will seem unbearable
Moans come out as mis'rable
Tears gush out unstoppable
Survival seems debatable

It...will soon...pass

Gaping wounds make perfect flaws
Blood flows down like waterfalls
Dripping down for opened jaws
Taste it now to feel it all.

Sweet...and sour...it's succulent
Bright...and white...and radiant
Taste...is truly...magnificent
Odd...one dares...not to lament

For it...will soon...pass

Quietly...quickly...a heart beats
Empty...eerie...no mortal feat
Blood...and blood...when they meet
Changing...crawling...it's now complete

Hear me now with brand new ears
Shed away your mortal fears
With ethereal eyes may you peer
Eternity of darkness awaits you here

Because it...has now...passed.

←- The Audience | Among Chaos -→

DateNameComment 
26 Dec 200245 Michael W. Darveaux
Beautiful. Not much else I can say.
13 Jan 2003:-) James Lara
I had some typo's in previous comment, please don't hold it against me. I was so shocked by your work, that I forgot to check spelling 2

:-) Laura Skylie Engler replies: "Spelling mistakes are a-okay. YOu'll probably note that I make a ton of them myself. Everyone else does. ^_~"
13 Jan 2003:-) James Lara
Unbelievably, stirring, my God. I dabbled in poetry (almost as many moons as our ancient knight), and I have to say that rhtymic flow in how you wrote this is very evident. Slowly building to a pinnacle, and you're there. I also didn't read the title, to get the sense of the writing without the author's steering. I would have to say that you definitely have an unbelievable ability to lend words to feeling. I felt as if I were becoming as well. This would go nicely in companion with one of Anne Rice's characters going through their own becoming... I am in the shadows of one is who much more powerful with their sabre of voice, than I armed with my weapon of ink. Whoever said that a picture is worth a thousand words has never read one of your works. I think that your writing is much better suited to conveying emotion than my amateur art portraying the same.

:-) Laura Skylie Engler replies: "Indeed, this was actually written with the way Mrs. Rice describes what it's like to become a vampire. I've always liked how she's done it, and she's so vivid with it. And for someone who doesn't seem to think he's very apt in the art of the word, you write a rather overwhelming compliment!"
3 Mar 200345 Lindsey Butler
I am intrigued by this because of the great beat to it. As I read I had the crazy impulse to drum my fingers on my desk. I think that this is truly good. The imagery is effective, and the ending is satisfying. Great job!

:-) Laura Skylie Engler replies: "it was done with a specific beat in mind, for song purposes, so it's very nice to know that the rhythem is evident in the poetic format."
4 Mar 2003:-) Carla K. Anderson
Yes, it does have good rhythm, and is also a little scary... *will now go have nightmares*
--Mirime
7 Mar 2003:-) Sarah Hudson
heh, i could hear the song in my head as i was reading this 2 i could also see a kinda surreal picture of a nightmare with this as the soundtrack... all in black and white except for some splashes of red that might or might not be blood. you did a really good job of creating both the sound and the picture with this. But i'd have to say this would be so much more effective if spoken aloud, cause i read/sang it aloud to myself and it's even better when heard. to bad you can't submit audio clips to elfwood 12

:-) Laura Skylie Engler replies: "yes, definately an obvious recited piece and not a written one..."
9 Mar 200345 Pelv13
Umm... good concept... once more nice flow and diction... could work as a gothic or industrial song.... as a poem it is to forced out, and some of the rhymes seem to be there because they rhyme... over all a good work though not overly "heartfelt"

*whacks self upside head* "you were mean again" i mumble to myself

:-) Laura Skylie Engler replies: "How was that mean? I completely agree that it doesn't work as nicely as a poem as it does the song I have in my head when I think of this piece."
13 Mar 2003:-) Emilie Aurora Finn
I enjoyed the rhythm and meter in this one very much. It sounded maybe a bit contrived, but definitely not forced. It would make an excellent song. Lots of writers don't seem to pay attention to rhyme or meter in poetry, and I'm glad to see you do. I didn't read your intro until after I read the poem, but I certainly got the image of someone becoming a vampire. It was frightening and beautiful all at once. I could feel the pain, and taste the blood. Awesome.
21 Mar 200345 Samael
Ah, a nice rhythm. Perhaps we should forward this to my namesake band, and see what they make of it, hm? ~_^
8 Sep 2003:-) Brianna C. Kennedy
OHHHHH Could I use this on my Life Issues poster? I'll have your name as the author, Doy, but still could I?
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'Becoming':
 • Created by: :-) Laura Skylie Engler
 • Copyright: ©Laura Skylie Engler. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Becoming, Lyrics, Song, Vampire
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 338

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