"Reaching in" by Andrijana Ignjatovic

Reaching in

Touch me; I know that you want to. I can feel the urge burning hot in you. Your thoughts wander like restless ghosts in the dark. Submit to me and I will grant you eternal peace. Your resistance is futile, Raphael. It is your destiny. I know about you; I can name your fear. Touch me and put your soul at ease. You and I belong together. Touch me!

Raphael groaned in his sleep. Touch me! With a start he opened his eyes. The sheets were wrapped around his body like chains and his heart was pounding like a hammer. Raphael got out of the bed and started pacing back and forth. His bare feet embraced the icy cold of the stone floor but he welcomed the sensation. Raphael breathed in and out, managed to reign in his galloping heart and glanced towards his desk. He cursed himself for doing that; as soon as his green eyes found the object of his desire he was already heading in that direction. Raphael’s hands trembled as he touched the painting’s frame. It was a plain wooden frame, smooth to the touch, like silk to his fingers. The painting depicted a man’s face as he tore asunder the paper that was his prison. Raphael’s jaw hurt, and he could feel his muscles tense. He envisioned himself tearing the picture asunder, but when he finally managed to touch the picture, he did so with caressing fingers. Something between a sigh and a moan escaped his mouth. Raphael staggered back to his bed, asleep even before his head touched the pillow.

* * *

Doctor Blake looked thoughtfully at his patient. The man sitting across the table was a mystery. His deeds spoke of madness, yet the larger mystery was how and why a man of his respected stature could have done such a vile act. Absentmindedly Doctor Blake looked through Raphael White’s dossier. No recorded history of mental illness in the family, no drug abuse, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, no bad childhood, molestation, multiple personality disorder, no nothing. What fascinated doctor Blake even more was the elaborate world that his patient had created to apparently rid himself of the guilt that had come with his deed. Raphael White was a mystery indeed, but the mystery had been cracked.

“How are we feeling today, Raphael?” The man opened his brown eyes with a start. Confusion was written on his face.

“What am I doing here? We don’t have any time to waste; we must stop him before it is too late. This is not right.” Raphael’s agitation could clearly be heard in his voice. He rose from the steel chair and paced back and forth. Doctor Blake looked at his patient all the while scribbling down notes on a sheet of paper in front of him. Raphael suddenly turned towards the doctor. His eyes narrowed in anger.

“God be damned, why do you refuse to listen?!” The doctor looked evenly at his patient.

“I am listening to you, Raphael. You were to continue your story about Gabriel. Do you remember; you spoke of the painting and then you mentioned Gabriel.” Raphael slowly sat down and began to speak. He could not stop the eagerness from showing in his voice, he spoke fast to get the story out so they could take action more quickly.

“Gabriel? You know about him. Then you must understand why he must be stopped. My parents made a mistake, they thought that their actions where enough to stop him. They should know that there is only one way to stop such a monster.” Raphael moaned. “God will understand; I know He will! Him coming back a second time, that was fault entirely. I couldn’t understand his fall, I couldn’t. I was young…well, younger anyway and I longed for him. He had forsaken his divinity a long time ago, now I see it. I loved my brother, and I had this urge to see his room. Time passes by you know, and memories fade. I wanted a memory! He did such horrible things I was told, yet I wanted something, a piece of him. You see, in my heart I loved him and I doubted my parents. I sneaked up to his room, it was forbidden, yet I did it. I wanted to know! Eight years I had carried my burden, for eight years, so I had to know. The door was looked, under some strange spell I guess. You can imagine my happiness when I found the picture, you know about the picture. There it was; a picture of my brother. My heart pounded. You must think it strange, and so did I. To leave a picture in the naked corridor where no one had wandered in those halls and corridors for so long, that was indeed odd. When I held the picture in my hands I felt a strange comfort. It was as if I could finally breathe again.” The doctor interrupted Raphael.

“What did the picture look like?” Raphael arched an eyebrow in disbelief.

“You know how it looks like, I gave it to you! He held out his hands in a pleading manner.

“For Gods sake, we are wasting our time! Fine, I will tell you again,” he spat. “If you imagine a huge paper in front of you, see it as a wall. I saw my brother ripping the paper, his hands raised, like when someone is peering through curtains, but this was a paper! You could see his eyes, they where blank, absentminded. His nails were black and long, and I got the feeling that he was trying to escape through the painting.” Raphael suddenly rose again.

“We have to go. You have the damned paper! You know all this, about Gabriel and me. Do you really want to die; we will all die, if we don’t go now!” The doctor made a gesture, pleading Raphael to sit down. Raphael was sweating and his voice was coarse, as if even talking was hard. His mind was set on confronting his brother, not sitting down again to chat some more with Doctor Blake.

“What about your sister, Linda? Don’t you think it is time to talk about her, Raphael?” Raphael sat down again, and his voice trembled with fear and terror.

“What has the bastard done to my sister?” he whispered.

* * *

Wake up! Raphael opened his eyes. His body felt battered and his mind heavy with thoughts. Sleep had long gone ceased to be of any refuge to him. Even in his sleep the thoughts came to him, the burning urge, the need to touch the painting.

You are beautiful, but you suffer. Let go willingly and the pain will cease. It fills me with great sorrow to see such a being of beauty suffer as you do. We are meant to be as one. How is it that you, who can see mankind’s destiny in the stars, so stubbornly refuse to see your own? Relent! Mindlessly Raphael put on his robe and combed his long brown hair. It was a daily ritual, something to keep his thoughts from wandering. His fingers ached and suddenly Raphael realized he was clutching the comb, hard. His eyes kept wandering to the mirror, to the pale apparition starring back at him, gray eyes murky and sad. His fingers touched something, gripped it hard. A sigh escaped from his lips. Horror suddenly filled him when he realized that he had taken the picture out of his frame. Once again Raphael looked himself in the mirror. His mouth was smiling. He didn´t know why he was smiling. That should have scared him; it didn´t. Raphael folded the picture neatly and put in the robe’s pocket. Now and then his hand went to that pocket, stroking the picture, as if asking for reassurance. He walked out into the empty corridors. His mother and father were not there, they had moved on to the next plane. It had been their time. Raphael understood the reason, and he felt no bitterness. He would also make the journey when he was ready. Cowards! Moving on to the next plane they called it. I know the truth, and so do you. They were afraid, terrified of the truth, so they fled from it. And the truth shall set you free. Amen!

He saw Linda, dressed in a red robe. She saw him and her eyes lit up. “Raphael!” she laughed as she run towards him and hugged him. Raphael wrapped his white wings around her and smelled her hair. She smelled like Linda. Her head reached only to his chest; she was so small in his arms. He loved his little sister to death.

“What joy have you been blessed with today?” Linda flapped her wings, like she always did when her eagerness threatened to consume her. Her eyes sparkled.

“I have a charge! His name is Damien, and he is two years old. Such a divine soul he is! His hair is golden, and his eyes are so blue; like the very oceans are in them, Raphael. I swear by God’s holy name, that he can sense my presence. I whisper to him in his dreams, and his thoughts are so wonderful, and his soul! He is the most fantastic human being ever to be born, and I am his angel.” Raphael could not help but to laugh. His sister always talked too much and too fast when she was excited. Linda suddenly looked at him strangely. “You should really sleep some more, Raphael. I sense your aura is dimmed and your eyes look so weary.”

“I am older than you. I don’t need as much sleep.” Raphael laughed and touched Linda’s cheek. “I am glad that you have been given your first charge, Linda.” Linda smiled at Raphael.

“Don’t laugh at me brother. Mother has told me how you acted when you got your first charge. You scared her half to death, showing yourself to her like that in physical form.” Raphael grinned.

“I was young and eager.” Linda backed away from Raphael’s embrace.

“I have to go now. My divine little Damien is calling for me.” She has become so beautiful, so…ripe. Time really is a matter of perspective. Look how she walks, her hips swaying back and forth. Her smell is so innocent…so pure. The words stunned Raphael. His hand went to the robe, he was content with just stroking the pocket, and its presence filled him with a sense of relief.

“My sweet gorgeous sister Linda, she is truly beautiful.” Raphael closed his mouth, afraid of what else was on his lips. He clenched his left fist, and walked briskly back to his chambers. The right hand was in his pocket, eagerly stroking the picture. As Raphael entered his room his heart began thundering and he breathed hard. He let out a moan as his vision turned black.

“What is happening to me?” Time is a matter of perspective, dear brother. If you ask a child time is forever, never ending, if you ask an old man, time withers away as quickly as memories. In one reality weeks may pass, while in others years have gone by. The lace of time is intricate. You know when you found the picture, brother. Magic does seem to grow stronger in time, and time does pass quickly for me. As I said before your resistance is futile. Raphael’s mouth was dry and fear coursed through his body. A blinding pain forced him down on his knees and he felt like gagging. He tried to speak but all he could do was mumble.

“Gabriel, you son of a b…” Hush, brother. What would that make our mother?  Your journey ends here. I would love to break you down personally, but unfortunately I can’t. The voice laughed hard. Well, I guess that our sister will have to do. At least you are handsome, that’s always something. Raphael didn´t hear the last remark, he was lying motionless on the ground. In his right hand he held a picture that was now shredded to pieces.

* * *

The doctor sighed and closed the dossier. “I think it’s time to stop this little game of yours, Raphael. I’m going to be frank with you; I don’t believe this little charade of yours. You’re an intelligent man Raphael; you graduated with honour from Chamber University, made a successful career at Sandar Corp. Did you know that one out of eight high managers is a psychopath? I think that you raped and killed your sister, full aware of what you were doing. I don’t know for what reason, you maybe enjoyed the power, the control or wanted to punish her for some imaginary slight.” Raphael’s eyes went wide and he starred intently at the doctor. His voice was barely a whisper and a tear escaped his eye.

“What did you say?” The doctor frowned as he looked at his patient’s theatrical display.

“Please, we all know what you did to that poor girl. This mindless babble about angels and some imaginary brother named Gabriel turned bad and threatening Linda may have fooled the jury, but is sure does not fool me. I’ve looked through all the tests the previous psychologist ran on you and I have found several severe errors. Do you realize what I am saying to you? The truth will set you free, Raphael, so you better start talking if you wish to escape the death penalty.” The doctor smiled. “Oh, I forgot one thing. The court has decided to reopen your case again. The prosecutors have found an eyewitness that can turn this case on its head. They also asked me to be their expert witness in confirming that your supposedly disturbed personality is just a very good act. “Dr Blake leaned back on his chair. “I said yes.”

“Good God!” Doctor Blake raised an eyebrow.

”There is no need to get so dramatic, mister White, although I can understand that such a man as you, would have a great deal to fear from God.”

Raphael suddenly jumped out of his seat. “That bastard! This isn’t real, may God rip my eyes out. How could I be such a fool? Let me out of here! “Raphael lunged himself towards the door, pounding his fists on the heavy door. The door was as solid as ever.

“He is going to hurt her, why don’t you believe me? If Gabriel is free, we’re all doomed!“ He screamed. The doctor rose slowly from his seat and tried to speak reassuringly to Raphael. The guards had surely seen his outburst in the monitors and it was also captured by the surveillance camera. The guards where on their way as he was speaking.

“Calm down, Raphael. If we just talk about this matter I’m sure that your confusion…” Raphael’s head turned as the doctor spoke. His eyes showed no hint of panic, just a turmoil of fear and anger, making his eyes burn. He took a couple of steps towards Doctor Blake.

“Talk?! You don’t understand. I am an angel, and if Gabriel has found a way out…” He said nothing more, as if the very thought of this Gabriel was enough to silence him. A sharp sound echoed as the door swung open.  Raphael turned his head and his eyes widened as he felt an iron grip on his shoulders. He tried to spin around with his whole body, but strong arms held him in place and forced him brutally to the ground.

“Please, calm down, Raphael,” a deep voice spoke to him. Raphael paid no attention to the man, but his wriggling came to a stop when he felt a knee against his back. Another man gripped him by the neck, and Raphael gasped as he felt the sharp sting of a needle going through the skin of his neck. He turned his head as much as the guard’s hand allowed him to do and hissed between his teeth.

“Listen to me; you’ve got to believe me. Gabriel is after us all. For God’s sake, he’s been with me, in me, for several months. I know what that damned bastard is capable of!” The guards dragged him towards the door. Raphael’s vision began to blur and he felt that his mind began to wander, his thoughts escaped him.

“Just look at the picture,” was all he said before he became limp in the guards grip. Doctor Blake exhaled heavy and seated himself down again. Maybe he had misjudged mister White; maybe he was crazy after all. He took out the picture from his pocket and tossed it on the table on top of his notes. A handsome man with long brown hair starred back at him; his white wings towering over him like a crown.

* * *

Linda entered her brother’s chambers. “There you are, Raphael! You won’t believe it; I actually think that Damien has the gift of seeing. I watched him play in the garden and he raised his arms towards me, as if he wanted a hug. With such a soul it wouldn’t surprise me if he becomes a powerful medium.” Linda stopped talking and began adjusting the sash on her robe. She looked at her brother. “Have you finally gotten some sleep? You aura is at least shining as brightly as ever. I was getting worried, you know.” Gabriel absentmindedly touched his long brown hair. This would take a while to get used to, or maybe he would cut it. He took a step towards Linda and sighed. “There is no need to worry sister, I’m fine now. Please, let me help you with that.” He took away her hands and tightened the sash hard. He took another step towards the younger angel, and Linda found that her back was facing the wall. Gabriel took a lock of her hair in his hand and inhaled the scent. It smelled like her, young, innocent, ripe. Linda smiled at him, but he could see a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. Gabriel leaned closer to Linda and put an arm up against the wall near her head. He smiled, showing his white teeth. “I love you, you know that.” Linda’s smile washed away some of the uncertainty in her eyes. “I love you to, Raphael.” Gabriel glanced over his shoulder; near the door he saw the shredded remnants of the picture. He let his arm down and looked Linda straight in the eyes. Gabriel didn´t move. Linda’s hands went to her sash, and she brushed against Gabriel’s body as she went for the door. Linda left without a word.

Gabriel smirked as he watched her swaying hips. Soon you will be mine to touch.