"The Hubble Returns" by Steve Doyle

The Hubble Returns

Mars is closer than it's been in 60,000 years.

Pictures from the Hubble have been met with cheers.

We should soon learn more than we've ever known

About the red planet so close to our own.

Space enthusiasts have a great expectation

About making Mars our next destination.

There's even talk about colonization!

But wait---this news just in:

Scientists were baffled by the strange discovery

That the Hubble Telescope has returned unexpectedly.

But it didn't crash as they initially suspected

It was perfectly intact upon being inspected.

They were at a loss until they found a note

Hidden inside the telescope:

We happened to be in your neighborhood

And thought we'd stop by and do something good.

We found this telescope out among the stars.

We hope it's yours because it isn't ours.

And if it isn't yours it's you-know-who's

Those little green men that inhabit our moons!

They're always up to something those little guys.

Think they're coming down here to colonize.

They're nothing but trouble, those little green men.

You know the asteroid belt? That was them.

An accident they said, with one of their experiments.

Blasted that lovely planet into fragments.

Nuclear laser experiments; What could be stupider?

We're just lucky they didn't hit Jupiter!

At least they exercised some discretion

By not pointing the thing in your direction.

So if this telescope isn't yours

We'll go up and bang on their doors.

We'll do whatever it takes to keep them in line.

Who knows what they're up to this time?