Ha, I really liked this. Really humorous So true indeed

Few grammar problems though: Excessive use of the quote on quote. When you have the same person talking, and it moves to a new paragraph, verse, or whatever, you leave out the closing quote and just have a beginning.
Example:
He said, “What? Do you think that your the only one”

“To ever come in here complaining that he wasn't completely done?”

“Many have gone before you convinced that it wasn't their turn”

“But we tagged their toes and don't you know, eventually they learned.”

“It wasn't me who brought you here and I won't make you stay.”

“You are free to leave if you like and if you can walk away.”

And this is how it ought to be:

He said, “What? Do you think that your the only one?

“To ever come in here complaining that he wasn't completely done?

“Many have gone before you convinced that it wasn't their turn

“But we tagged their toes and don't you know, eventually they learned.

“It wasn't me who brought you here and I won't make you stay.

“You are free to leave if you like and if you can walk away.”
I don't know why it's like that, but it just tells the reader mentally that the dude is still talking depsite the change in space ^_^


Another nit-pick is this: He said, “What? Do you think that your the only one”
"Your" should be "You're" 'cause of "you" "are" and you know the drill

Other than those little things, this was very well done

Steve Doyle replies: "Thanks, I've submitted an update to fix those things..."

This is really great! I like it. *smiles*

Emily already covered a bunch of what I might have said, but I do have one thing to add--since this is a poem you might just think about only putting quotation marks at the beginning and end of whoever's speaking (does that make sense?) I feel that in poem-form the new quotations each line are rather unnecessary and slightly distracting. ^_^

Steve Doyle replies: "Ok, I've taken out a lot of the quotes and added italics to make it clearer that someone is talking through several lines of text."

hahaha! man, that was funny!
Stupid 'S,' didn't do the first comment dance. oh well, it can't be helped. here.
::does the sixth comment dance and goes after 'S' with an axe::

hehehe. I just love all your stuff. It's short and to the point, and it easily holds my attention. This is no exception to you great style. *cupcakes*

*LOL* It reminds me of Resident Evil for some reason . . . except that the corpse isn't a zombie that's out to destroy the living . . . and he isn't carrying around some kind of weapon, because he's, well . . . dead.

Okay, so maybe it doesn't remind me of Resident Evil XD

Very nice.

lol.. i'm sry, but i find that hilarious. yes, i have a morbid sense of humor. GET OVER IT. lol... and obviously you do too, which is totally cool. FANTABULOUS!!!

~*~*~*KYRIE*~*~*~

Lovely funny, but in a macabre sort of way.

o.0 *is all nicely confuzzled* hmmmm they were both nutso! interesting.... kinda scary really... heh, i LOVED the openning line, that was brilliant. kudos and keep em coming!
Peace and rainbow toe socks,
~*Elenwyn*~

I loved this! My father is friends with the Medical Examiner here in town and he says that he talks to the corpses to keep himself awake. I'm going to have to tell him to check this out. Too funny!

Much better. ^_^ Just thought I'd stop by and read some more things, so off I go!