| 29 Oct 2005 |  Keith D. Brooks Jr. |  Loading...Hello and welcome to the woods! I'm off to read your work ... Oh, and first comment dance!   Steven P. Love replies: "Thank's for visiting. I've been a member of Elfwood for over a year in the art dept, but this is the first story I've submitted. I've been working on it for 5 years and I have the complete trilogy written down on paper. But it'll take time for me to transcribe them into HTML." | |
| 9 Dec 2006 |  Shelz Keast | Loading... Okay read chapters 1 and 2 so far (I'll print of the others later, can't tolerate reading of a computor screen). Her's my review: You're story got an interesting plot line so far (ancient extinct or near extict races are good, though at times a little cliche). However I feel that some of the descriptions are a little too direct eg. at one point an enerygy orb is described as the size of sofball. True it does give a pricice size but it leaves little room for the readers imagination to make alterations. Mind you, being too vauge in downright anoying. I realize that in such a short space descriptions can't be allowed to ramble on and it is hard to keep them sicint but not too rushed. Also as you obviulsy inteend to have a decent length novel (i.e 80-300pages) it may be an idea to drop parts of the the prophicy and other information that the Vyan already know at a slower rate. As the Vyan already know about the porphecy etc. they're not likely to recite it's full length in a conversation. If two people are talking about a film they both know they are rarely going to recite it's length, just the pieces that are relevent, such as the love scene or action scene. I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh (and is ridduled with spelling errors) but I'm trying to put some constructive critism. I do think there is potential within the story and am interested in if or how Eckra and Jonathan meet up. Feel free to disregard anything written above if you choose. I'm not an editor or English teacher of anykind, nor do I write myself. Steven P. Love replies: "Thanks for the critique. First off, it is not too harsh. I welcome constructive criticism. I would be irritated if someone just said it sucked without telling me why. As far as some parts seeming to be cliche, that is deliberate. Cliches do play a part in many literary works and movies. They can be fun and sometimes work as allusion. This is an edited version. The original was way more detailed than what you've read here. But I'm afraid my editing skills for the first couple of chapters was a little clumsy. As you read further you'll see that I refined my editing in succeeding chapters. But some aspects won't change. My attention to detail is one. I don't like stories that leave too much to my imagination. I like certain precise descriptions because it helps me better imagine the scene and how it was intended to be. I tend to write my own story the same way. The length of my original draft was over 600 hand written pages. So you can see how much of a challenge it'll be for me to edit that so that it'll fit in Wyvern as 50 chapters. Thanks again for commenting. I hope you like the other chapters." | |
Steven P. Love / Writings