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Richard Lorenz

"Raider 02: Accusations" by Richard Lorenz

SF&F Picture 2 out of 16 by Richard Lorenz
 
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The accusations made against the hero.
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Accusations

What are the crimes of which I am accused? They are many, and they are varied. The lightest sentence for the least crime of which I stand accused would be the loss of both hands. Theft would lose me one hand, but I was accused of worse. The deliberate and systematic fleecing of an entire village. The villagers were left with very little food, after giving what they has for a fictitious army coming to their defense against the mountain goblins. It was supposedly encamped in the next valley, as a barricade against encroaching predators. The poor people were promised gold to buy more, but ended up with useless script instead. Cut off by winter storms, no food and no money, only a few people survived. And that was because they lowered themselves to cannibalism.

Cannibalism, of course, carries a much stiffer penalty. The tormented remains of a family were found on a little farm several days from the capital. Evidence indicated that someone had tied them to their kitchen chairs, had a nice meal at their expense, and left them to starve. In their own kitchen, surrounded by the remains of meal.

“Something Evil was done to these people.” Scryers can be very perceptive people. They were called in by their neighbors. (I must apologize for my lack of details, such as names and places. I heard most of this second- and third-hand. After all, I am innocent of these crimes.)

Back to the Scryers. They came in with their mirrored bowls filled with water, wine, urine, or whatever their gods required, burned the right herbs and spices, and saw their visions. And that is where they saw an image of me.

They saw the father subdued first, and the mother raped. Then their little girl was killed, prepared, cooked on their hearth, and eaten in front of them. The girls eyes sat on the table until the end. Presumably so she could watch her body being consumed. This was the meal found on the table.

Even this wasn’t the worst. There were more atrocities, many more. Rivers of blood and mountains of bones. Wells poisoned and plagues spread. Slaughtered animals left to rot for the pleasure of destruction.

And then there was the unicorn. To even attempt to harm one is punishable. To actually succeed in harming one, although very rare, was a Great Crime. And Great Crimes were the domain of the Temples, which made things, potentially, a whole lot worse for me.

Curious side effect though. Church and State were fighting over the right to kill me, so I wasn‘t executed on sight. The Duke’s Men were discussing hangings, unpleasant archery contests, and other such nonsense. The Priests and Mages talked more of burning, preceded by a lengthy stay in the Temple dungeons entertaining the Inquisitors. Small men trying to entertain themselves by scaring me.

It didn’t work.

←- Raider 01: Manhunt | Raider 03: Arrest -→

DateNameComment 
27 May 200445 Lindsey M. Butler
So here is the cynnical hero again. They've captured him then... I wonder what exactly is going on. He seems a little indifferent which makes me wonder how innocent he is. I want to know what he's going to do too. Is he going to go after the real killer? This seems a little psychological to me. I like it, but I'm not sure what to think about the character I am pressumably supposed to identify with. One suggestion, if this is to be an ongoing story I would do something to let your readers know that. Just so that they don't get confused and quick before finishing the story. Really great so far!

:-) Richard Lorenz replies: "Thanks for the interest you show in my character. But I have one problem with letting people know its one continuous story ... *whispers* I don't have a title yet.I'm really bad at picking titles. A little help would be nice."
28 May 200445 Lindsey M. Butler
Oh! LOL I have trouble too. I tend to put Untitle Ch 1 until I can find something I like better. 12 I suppose that if you intend to use your charas name you could just call it that for a while too.
29 May 2004:-) Mitch Wold
Hey, I like what you've started with these stories, plenty of questions to be answered... The narrator's tone is great, reminds me a little of the world-weary Sam Spade/Philip Marlowe kind of character.

One idea, until you come up with a title, maybe you can use 'Chapter 1 - Manhunt', 'Chapter 2 - Accusations', etc. As you continue to add to this, I think your readers will want to follow the proper sequence.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

:-) Richard Lorenz replies: "Thanks for the tip. I'll use it from now on."
1 Jun 2004:-) Suzannah Carrick
I like the tone and voice, it is more obvious in this piece. Agree with the above commenters it does bring up a lot of questions that hold the reader's interest. You may want to stop writing questions as a question? though as it interrupts the flow of the narrative, also the reader already has these questions in their mind.

20 Richard Lorenz replies: "Thanks for the tip. I'm hoping to get better, and the I relish helpful tips on my writing style. I'll try to limit my questions."
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About 'Raider 02: Accusations':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Richard Lorenz
 • Copyright: ©Richard Lorenz. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Paladin, Accusations, Arrest, Torture, Inquisition, Priests, Duke, Knights, Hanging, Burning, Dungeons, Murder, Blood, Rape, Cannibalism, Theft, Mutilation, Fleecing, Innocence, Innocent, Deceit, Goblins, Starvation
 • Categories: Angels, Religious, Spiritual, Holy, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins, Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers...
 • Views: 245


More by 'Richard Lorenz':
Wyvern Project 3: A Tale of Madness and Pride
Wyvern Project 4: Johnny Walker
Green Land 05: Signs of Life
Green Land 01: The Beginning of the End
Raider 06: Discovery
Raider 03: Arrest
Raider 01: Manhunt
Green Land 03: White Oak
Green Land 06: Blue Pines

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