"Storm Dragon* (old writing stuff from a few years ago)" by Thieme Jan Hollaar

*dun dun dun*!!! Great job here!!!! You have real talent... I like how you switched the rhyming scheme halfway through... Adds to the chaos! ^_~

Thieme Jan Hollaar replies: "Thanx!!! Want a cookie?"

*eats first comment and sighs happily*
Whoa... Somehow this is darker in my mind than the others... You created a wonderful sense of chaos. I don't know if this was intended or not, but your first stanza, with its a, b, b, a, rhyme scheme, differs from the other stanzas which have an a, b, a, b scheme. This adds to the chaos, and if you wanted to, you could have a different rhyme pattern for each stanza and make the entire poem unpredictable and surprising... Just a thought. My only nitpick, is that this is very much about the effects caused by the dragon, rather than the dragon itself... But then you probably intended it that way. It does lend a sense of mystery and remoteness to the title. good job! of, and you misspelled jealous in your intro...

Thieme Jan Hollaar replies: "Thanx for mentioning those small errors..I will work on that..and I will keep your tips in mind, you might have a point about that chaotic idea."

Wow... *shudders* I could feel the thunder. asome!

Thieme Jan Hollaar replies: "Thunder is good;-)"

Yes and this one is also very cool, i can just agree with Emely - the way of switching the ryhme scheme is a perfect symbole to represent the chaos in the poem. And opposite to the more darker dragons a more proud form. Flying high above in the sky, while thunder and lighting are strucking down to earth.

Thieme Jan Hollaar replies: "yep!the storm dragon is different from the others..and in a direct way more powerfull."

I controll this storm!!! Hajhaq!!!I am the stormdragon!

Cool poem. I like the way you capture the chaos via the imagery, descriptions, and the style f the poem. Good job!

Thieme Jan Hollaar replies: "Thanx! at the moment my mind seems to be set on more poems instead of stories...don,t know why but that means there is more to come soon..already waiting for some to be published right now so stay tuned?! "

i love the theme of power and powerlessness
and how you express it
your use of phrase and words is very original too
evocative and imaginitive ..
i like being transported like that ,
and how the dragon is revealed
... i have a couple of stormy poems too if you wish to read ..
’she the wind ’ and er .. oh dear cant remember ..
the pixies done messed with my head again ..
but thats ok too

Thieme Jan Hollaar replies: "thanx for the feedback! Glad you liked it, I have some more uploading and waiting to be moderated right now. About your poems, on my way to check them right now "