SciFi & Fantasy Fiction and Stories by R. Todd Podzemny

Uh, excuse moi? I've been told there was a mime infestation... and you see, my Xenomorph, Jonesy, is rather hungry. [Jonesy: Keecchhht!]

Can Jonesy hang around for a minute and take care of those mimes? I'll clean up the mess, I swear. (He drools a lot... and probably leaves lots of blood... and nasty little bits... of stuff... ew.)

Oh, and, thanks for telling us about the mimes Cecily. Jonesy thanks you in his own way. [Jonesy: Meow.]

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "And speaking of madness...Yeah, sure, Jonesy. Have at. Mind the carpet."

Greetings, todd/disembodied jar head! This is julie from film/fiction workshop. I find it terribly thrilling to be posting in your guestbook (though i've tried it a couple of times and it hasn't worked, so this is getting pretty repetitive)! your writing is fabulousness in a box. I enjoyed your story for fiction class, and it should be interesting for everyone to "dialogue" about it. Professor haley is big on that dialoguing business.

Have a great rest of the semester!

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "Wow. It's actually a little strange to have somebody I know from "real life" commenting here. Considering all the gratuitous madness that goes on around here, I feel like warning you to get away while you still can.
More to the point, though, if I ever DID get anything published, I'd give up the movie rights just so I could include the phrase "fabulousness in a box" in the critical reviews.
Thanks for dropping by, and I'll see you in class. Hooray for dialogue."

[Jonesy immediately chases after the unsuspecting mimes with open jaws.] Jonesy, he said mind the ca- [*splat*] Eww... that was a good one...

[Kreeecchhht! *splat* *crunch* *gurgle*] Um... I'll go get a mop...

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "Aww, lookit the lickle xenomorph...whosa pretty boy, den? Whosa...oh. Oh, no. That's--that's disgusting."

[Jonesy feeds hungrily on a torn-apart mime. *hiss*] Well... he seems happy. ::mopping up heavy mixture of xeno-slime and blood:: I wish he wasn't so messy about it though -.-

:okes dead mime with mop:: Heh heh, no more silent impressions for you.

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "Um...good Jonesy?"

Aah, he liiiives!!! College didn't kill you yet?

There is no spoon! There is no spoon! It took me... 2 days to realize from which Matrix is that, and another two minutes to realize that I've seen that Matrix and should be ashamed of self for not remembering the quote, since it is a most spectacular quote. As good, in fact, as:

Henry Jones: *after they'd fallen from a zeppelin, been shot at from a plane, tied to a chair in a burning house with no means of escape, chased around by Nazis with machine guns and Nazis on bikes* (shocked) I think they're trying to kill us!
Indiana Jones: (fed up) I KNOW, DAD!!!

Heh. "Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade". Anyway. I know that this is spam. I can't do anything BUT spam.

R. Todd Podzemny replies: ""What's the difference between your mother and a duck, Trebec? Well, I forget the punchline, but your mother's a whore." Heh. Long live Sir Connery."

Henry Jones: We named the DOG Indiana.

Heh heh. Thanks for lunch! Jonesy's happy.

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "Er...any time?"

I love Mods. They got my latest ticket through in about 4 days. The only thing on it is a much better version of the Pacificus Prologue, that I actually rewrote for a class. There should be another update in about a week with Thief's Magic Prologue as well.

Happy Holidays!

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "And the greatest part? Thanks to the Elfwood crash, it is now THE FUTURE, and you probably have more stuff up! Keen!"

Happy day of us. No, not the U.S, us. Its australia day, and to celebrate we're having a battle on Beth's page. if you're still a Kag you can come to get massacred/fight alongside your fellow chums in vain.

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "Sorry I missed the fight, but you will be pleased to know that we had an Australia day party at my apartment. Deep in the heart of Texas. Cooking damper and lamingtons, passing out exotic Australian candy, tricking people into eating musk-flavoured Life Savers...good times."

Well randal todd podzemny I see that by query of name i chance upon the incohesive rambling of a mental unstable sage. Or maybe a man who has not from jody? ive been searching for hime for the better part of a month. and since unable to find him i fear that jail or drugs may seem to be the order of the day. He and his lady friends split ways and to eddies he frollicked since then dusty nor I have heard from him, and sherrell is as much help as a wooden post. so if information has so much as floated your direction dont be afraid to drop a line.

R. Todd Podzemny replies: "Heard from him a few days ago, in fact. I don't think he's coming to Amarillo. Perhaps he was intimidated by the sheer potent masculinity of you and Dusty in the same house. Or, you know, the stench of that pizza you dropped behind the couch. Tell Vannah I said "squeedely-splorch.""

Just thought I'd catch up with you and tell you HI! Hope things are going good for you. You better email me sometime.