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Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren)

"The darkest black unicorn" by Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren)

SF&F Picture 2 out of 28 by Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren)
 
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A scary tale...
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The darkest black unicorn (a scary tale)

 

When mists rise high and claim the stars,

And moon is still unborn

In darkness stirs the hideous form

Of darkest black unicorn.

With malice glow the crimson eyes,

Blood drips from the shattered horn,

No brave can stood unafraid at the sight

Of darkest black unicorn

Tarnished silver of heavy hoofs

By endless wandering worn…

Grasses die wherever he steps,

The darkest black unicorn

His smile is a snarl of a rabid wolf,

Dark and devilish scorn,

He calls, and after him you will go,

The darkest black unicorn.

You’ll helplessly follow his mighty call,

Cursing the day you were born,

And on your soul will feast in the night

The darkest black unicorn!

←- Beware of the unicorn | By the fire -→

DateNameComment 
13 Feb 200345 Maia
its okay, pretty good. I, though, know first hand that poetry is not simple. Some of the syllables(?) don't exactly match up, but it is hard to fit it all in isnt it? good luck on ur poetry!

:-) Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren) replies: "Thank you for nice comment! Well, not all the rows here have rhyme, only second rhymes with forth. It's my favorite way to biuld poem2"
23 Feb 2003:-) Anastasia I-Morn-Gwathren
This is really cool. Scary!... and refreshing. I like it. The only problem is with this line: "No brave can stood unafraid at the sight" just exchange "stood" for "stand" and it's all good! 12

:-) Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren) replies: "Thank you!2 I'll fix it! I guess it's a leftover of previous version22"
5 May 200345 Bailey
What? why are people writing stuff about the syllables and the poetry , the point is that it's damn good, just sit back and appreciate it and don't pick up on every imperfection. Natalie- i like your poem.

:-) Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren) replies: "Thank you, Bailey! Well "picking" unperfectins is important too, it often helps to remove mistakes and to make the poem better."
28 May 200445 Plum
i loved it. it was really vivid in details, and now my fingers are itching to draw it outl. may i? (if you don't mind..)

Love;Plum

:-) Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren) replies: "Yes, it would be nice! 2"
4 Feb 200745 Kit
Shwa that's cool. Awsome wording in it too.
12 Jul 2007:-) Heidi Hecht
This is pretty good. Just a couple of things: "No brave can stood unafraid at the sight." "Brave" should be "brave man" and "stood" should be "stand." Also, where you have, "Of darkest black unicorn," it should be, "Of the darkest black unicorn." Otherwise, it's a good poem.
6 Feb 2008:-) Bliesje
Found you again,
I loved this poem, read it years ago. Gonna fav it now
8 Feb 200845 Ashley jarreau
Your poem was great
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About 'The darkest black unicorn':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren)
 • Copyright: ©Natalie Touretsky (Gerie Aren). All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Unicorn, Evil, Black
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 189


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