"Jump" by D. Villanueva

Jump

            It didn’t look so far down. I could still make out the blades of grass that lined the concrete walkway beneath me. My composure surprised me, considering the tips of my sneakers hovered over six floors of air. I thought I would more nervous. I guess it must mean that it’s the right time; everything made it seem like the right time: my job, my old job; my girlfriend, my old girlfriend; and my friends, what friends?

It was before midday, but the sun had already begun to shine brightly. I could see the halo of the sun’s reflection off the tops of people’s heads as they passed on the walkway beneath me. I was expecting someone to eventually look up, and imagined the expression on their face when they found someone perched precariously on the ledge like some deranged giant pigeon.

As that thought passed through my mind, the sound of heavy flapping startled me. I could feel the blood rush through my extremities, making my toes feel like they had already begun their journey to the ground. The sound of wings and cooing drew my attention to my right, where a real pigeon had just perched itself a couple of meters away. The ledge was wide enough to provide a comfortable walkway for the pigeon as it went about its business pecking at objects on the ledge too tiny for me to see. The pigeon bobbed its head as it made its way closer to me, cooing and pecking every so often. When the pigeon got to within a few feet of me it froze, and silently turned its head to peer at me with one eye. I could almost feel it thinking how unusual it was for a creature such as my self to be out here.

Look at me. I thought. Look at that stupid bird. That bird doesn’t give a **** that it’s broke, hell, it’s buck naked; it’s gotta sleep outside, eat crap off the street to survive, no one gives a **** about it. And look: it’s not about to jump off a building…well, it can’t really do that…maybe fly in front of a car, or something.

It seemed like we had locked gazes for an eternity before I realized a full minute or two must had passed with me and the pigeon pondering each other’s existence. I almost completely forgot where I was standing when an updraft snapped me back into the present. I looked down again, this time with a newfound sense of regard for the deadly earth that stood silently beneath me. I had started to think that maybe this was a bad idea, maybe Molly wasn’t worth it, maybe my stupid job wasn’t worth it; after all, it was a stupid job, and Molly was stupid too.

And that’s when the Pigeon, who had been so peaceful, decided to take off with a stark titter. The bird had been in repose for so long it had completely caught me off guard. I raised my hands reflexively to my face; I felt my feet slip, and the subsequent sensation of weightlessness. I knew what had happened, but I could not bring myself to open my eyes, so I just waited.

And waited

            And waited

I felt like I waited for a good while for the impact to shatter all the bones in my legs, and had begun to grow curious as to why it had not happened. I decided to peek, even though I was afraid of witnessing the moment of impact. I opened my eyes so that I could only perceive a sliver of the world. I could see the green blur of grass, but something was wrong. I wasn’t feeling the rush of the wind. Just realizing this, I tried to snap my eyes open, wanting to gain full scope of the situation.

My eyes crept open. I was sure I had ordered myself to open them quickly; however they continued to dilate sluggishly, like doors to an observatory. I didn’t understand. I could see the grass, the sidewalk, and my feet dangling above nothingness, but I was motionless in midair.

Maybe my belt loop caught something I thought hopefully, only to shove the idea from my mind as I realized that I would have surely felt the tug. I tried to look behind me to see if somehow that scenario did occur, and that’s when I realized it.

I couldn’t move.

Am I paralyzed? I thought. I tried to take a breath, wiggle my toes, flex my hand, nothing. How is this happening? Is time standing still? If so, how did I open my eyes? And then I noticed that time wasn’t still. I could feel my lungs fill ever so slightly, the hairs on my scalp whip like the tentacles of sea anemone, and the rush of the passing wind was only a crawl of ants on my skin. Maybe this is what they mean when they say “your life passes before your eyes” I thought.

·         

I have thought about every event in my life more times than I can remember, and I am still falling. I am bored. I am bored of my life and I just want to die. I can’t wait. I am so close. Just a few inches away now, I can see it. I can feel it. It’s almost there. I can’t wait. I feel like it has been 500 years.

·         

My toes are almost there. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to feel again. I bet it’s going to hurt, but I don’t care; it’s better than nothing. Nothing at all.

·         

I think I felt it! The tips of my sneakers! I’m sure of it. Any moment now, and my toes will touch down!

·         

I can’t believe how much it hurts. It feels like my toes are being crushed. The feeling goes all the way up my legs. I want to scream, but I can’t…well…I can, but it will take too long to do any good. I can feel it. The bones in my legs splintering, the joints ripping out the connective tissues, and the tops of my legs crushing their sockets. It hurts so much I can hardly think, and I know it’s going to hurt for a very,

very,

      very long time.

·         

The pigeon alighted back onto the ledge, unfazed by the sudden departure of her recent companion. She continued to go about her business pecking away at tiny insects and bits of food. Occasionally, she would walk over to the edge and peek down before bringing her attention back to her meal, and if you looked close enough, and if pigeons could smile, she would. In fact, it was the best feeling she had ever had.