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Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth

"The Doctor´s Orders" by Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth

SF&F Picture 2 out of 5 by Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth
 
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This is the first time I've written in such a straightforward voice. Congratulate me. I used to write purple prose.

This is only my first draft. I actually finished its tweaks on December 30th, 2004.

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For those of you who viewed the source to find out how I made indents, I did it by creating characters called no-break spaces. If you're using Windows, make sure the num lock is on, then hold Alt and hit 0160 on the number pad. I don't know if it works the same way for other OSes. (I tried CSS first, but it was read very inconsistently.)
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“Honey, wake up.”

“Huh?” Joe opened his eyes. There was his wife, still beautiful in the darkness. When he heard the rain he realized why she had awakened him.

“What time is it?” he asked her, sitting up.

“About four o’clock.” She saw him frown. “I didn’t want to wake you earlier. You need your sleep to work, y’know, and…”

“How’s your headache?”

“It’s alright, honey. I tried one of those pills you had sent in and it worked.”

“That only covers up the symptoms.”

He got up, dressed, and left the room for his office. He knew she could see through him, but that had never stopped him from acting like he was too busy in his work to be afraid for her.

    He turned on the lamp in the office. It was a typical doctor’s office. There was a small couch with sheets on it that were changed between patients. There were posters stuck to the wall, with pictures of healthy digestive systems and diagrams of a skeleton. On the desk was a titanium briefcase filled with syringes, most carrying honeydew, a few with maple sap. In another briefcase he carefully stored a set of puffers filled with carbon dioxide. In a smaller bag he placed several bottles of corn leaf extract, both in liquid and capsule form. Everything had to be loaded into a shopping cart for him to carry it. When this was done, he donned his raincoat and walked out the office door.
“Honey!” he heard his wife calling behind him, “Don’t’ forget your breakfast.” She had a bowl of jelly with a spoon. He noted the wrinkles in the light of the streetlamps – her sickness had caused her to age early.
“Thanks, dear.” Joe took the breakfast and kissed her goodbye. He then headed down the street.
He always passed the same streets on his house call days: Oak Line, his home street, then Pine Road, onto Cedar lane, and past Elm Street to Maple Crescent. Elm Street was the duty of another doctor whom he hadn’t met.

    When he reached Maple Crescent, he gaped. The place looked like a war zone. Most of the people were out of their houses; usually he only had the emergencies of children on his hands, but today there was a crowd of eager wounded ready for his services. The houses themselves were disheveled. Their pantries had been raided and the food turned worthless. Their top floor windows were broken, their ventilation systems ripped out. Shards were still falling as the rain poured down on them like fire.
He raced for the first child he could see. She was gasping for air, as her house’s ventilation system had been reduced to nothing by the acid rain.

“Here, sweetie,” he coaxed as he held a puffer to her lips, “Breathe in, c’mon.” She did, to his relief, and squeezed his hand. Her bony fingers were like pliers. He knew this girl for appearing more malnourished every time he saw her. Even her parents were ill.

Glancing up for a moment, Joe spotted an unusually healthy looking teenage boy.

“Hey, you!” he called, “C’mere.” The kid ran up to him. “Go to Elm Street and get the doctor there. Tell him I need carbon tanks and birch bandages. Then find a crow and tell him to call for several ambulances. Hurry!”

    There was no time to watch the kid leave as the doctor moved on to another patient. Through the day, he found it hard moving between those with the most urgent needs. Those who could still walk were selfishly crowding around him, crying like willows to be the next helped. The acid rain continued to fall. The smell of burning leaves and acidic soil was around him as he pushed his way through hordes of adults to the most needy children. He was grateful for his coat of resistant beeswax, knowing that he, too, would suffer if he were to give it to his burning patients.

    The sky grew brighter and still there was no carbon tank, no Elm Street doctor, no ambulance. It wasn’t until the rain stopped that he actually began counting on them, though. ‘Why would they get a few leaves burnt off their heads to save a whole neighborhood from dying outright?’ he thought, ‘Everyone in this damn town is selfish.’ Finally an ambulance came, though he knew many more were needed, escorted by two police cars, which were not. Joe was unable to ask them where they’d been all this time. He was assessing the length of a pantry’s repair time after the acid rain had finished seeping in. A strange man approached him from one of the police cars.

“Mr. Crystal. My name is Pollen.” He spoke what should have been Quebecois French in an American accent. Joe Crystal straightened up.

The man spoke softly. “These dryads are going to die, Mr. Crystal.”

“What the…”

“Please come with me.”

“They’re not going to die if somebody would treat them, Mr. Pollen.”

The stranger looked sheepishly at the ground as Joe again bent over. After a sigh, he continued.

“Ms. Pollution herself showed up in Town Hall before coming here last night.”

“… the hell…”

“Her legion was more organised than usual.”

Joe got up and scowled.

The stranger offered his hand. “The police are willing to drive you home.”

“The pollution elemental came to a freakin’… dryad sugar bush!?” he blurted.

“Please come with me.”

“Don’t stop me from helping people.” Joe was in the man’s face now.

Arms suddenly grabbed his from behind. He was wrestled to the ground, his nose held, and one of his own carbon dioxide puffers placed on his lips. After a fruitless struggle, he finally had to breathe in…

    Joe Crystal awoke in his own bed. Naomi was there, her face showing as light filtered through the window.

“What do you remember?” she asked.

“Was I drugged?”

“The paramedics brought you in looking like you’d been smoked.”

As Joe sat up, he realized he was still dressed.

“Mr. Pollen from Chicago is here to talk to you,” said Naomi.

Joe tried not to look embarrassed.

“What is a honey sprite doing in Chicago?”

“What is a honey sprite doing in an acidic wood?” she replied.

“You win.” Joe got up. “Let’s hear him out.”

    The man who had tried to speak to Joe peacefully was in the living room enjoying a glass of sugar water. At the sight of his hosts he stood up.

“Ah, Mr. Crystal.”

Joe shook hands with Mr. Pollen. “Good afternoon, Mr. Pollen. I apologize for…”

“No worries, no lawsuits. And call me Liam.”

Naomi handed Joe a glass. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk it over.”

“What?” said Joe as she left for the kitchen.

The two men sat down on opposing couches around the coffee table.

“She’s a great gal, Naomi,” said Liam with humour, “How’d you find that among oaks?”

“I didn’t. She threw an acorn at me.” The two men laughed, Liam with spirit, Joe with relief.

“So,” said Joe, “What can I do for you?”

“Mr. Crystal,” began Liam, “I’ve come to offer you a job in the military.”

“No.”

“Please, hear me out. As you know, the Acid Legions in the area begin as militia on Lake Ontario and gain further training and numbers south of the lake before riding the wind here.”

“Yes,” said Joe.

“Have you been watching the news? We managed to free a hybrid between the African Killer Bee and a Brazilian Honey Bee. It’s made it north of Mexico. We don’t think they can get too far north, but in case they can, we need a team of people like you to find out whether we can teach them to shut up long enough to hibernate every year. If they go north, teams will be helping them build hives in parks near the lake. Then, there will be factories.”

Joe sat back on his chair. “You’ve told Naomi about this already, haven’t you?”

Liam nodded.

“Naomi?” Joe called towards the kitchen.

Naomi came and sat close to Joe. As he was about to speak, she interrupted.

“I don’t mind if you move away to work, Joe.”

“What about you?”

“They need you over there and you might help me get better if you go.”

“It’s true,” said Liam. “That’s why I started by mentioning the Legion’s air route.”

“Naomi,” said Joe, “I don’t want to leave you…”

“I’ll be fine,” said Naomi. “And there’s no work left for you here.”

“There are the cedars.”

“They have doctors.”

“There’s you.”

“I’ll be alright.”

Liam interjected. “The best you can do to stop this pollution is to come to Mexico with me.”

“Told any human ambassadors yet?” asked Joe.

“Yes, as far north as Suzuki” said Liam, “They’re not happy, but they were expecting this to happen with or without our assistance.”

Joe put his arm around his wife and gave a long sigh. He looked her over. The oak leaves that made her hair were cascading over her. Today she seemed to glow with beauty, and the lines on her face were blurred. He glanced over at Mr. Pollen, smiling from across the table.

“Well, I guess I’ll go,” he said.

“Good,” said Mr. Pollen. “I hope you are successful when you get there.”

“What about transportation?” asked Joe.

“Tomorrow, a shipment between beekeepers is leaving for Texas. From there, we can take a swarm.”

Joe was lost for a moment with the transition at hand. Finally, he said, “Alright.”

He stood up and the party followed him to the front door. Opening it, he said, “I hope you have a good night, Mr. Pollen.”

Mr. Pollen shook his hand and winked. “You have one. And thanks for the sugar water.”

Naomi smiled. “Of course.”

“I’ll be seeing you on the shipment to Texas.”

←- Glaze | Alchemical Haiku -→

DateNameComment 
19 Jan 2005:-) Moir10e
Wow... this is a very freaky story! this makes me shiver. I love your writing style, it's clear, but also very detailed. I'm wondering how you came up with this idea...

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "I've wanted to write a story speculating the effects of pollution on dryads (particularily maple dryads) for a long time, and though this is actually very different than my original idea (which may have to be a novella), I found it very entertaining to write. I'm trying to get into the habit of planning my stories before writing them, but this one would have ended up in the garbage if I'd done that.Firstly, I'll have to say that this story was intended for the "Alternative Elementals" project held by Bifrost Fantasy, but since something happened to my modem around their due date, I couldn't submit it. Originally, Joe was going to be a honey elemental married to Naomi, who was going to be a maple syrup elemental, but I soon realized that making Naomi work that way would merit a much longer story (or at least taken more time to plan 10) than I'd intended. So Naomi became slightly less affected by the pollution and Joe moved a hive in (now I'll have to explain how sprites and dryads can intermarry...). I'm not the greatest science student, and all of the chemistry I used to put this story together is actually based on the easiest chemistry class I could use to grab a high school credit (that class was my inspiration for this idea too), but at least I wasn't saying anything the reader may not understand.Anyways, that's a basic overview."
19 Jan 2005:-) Chelsa L. Dagley
Very unique, I applaud your imagination.
Some times I had trouble telling who was speaking, but it was only a couple of times.
Also, you might want to add a bit more description of the characters, just a little advice, I'm not trying to tell you how to write your story or anything, your the only person that should do that 2
I got a bit confused at the end, why did he have to leave? to fight a war? and what relationship do the dryads have with the humans? is it an alternate reality or the future?
All in all, it was very good. I'm a fantasy buff and I especially love fairies, sprites, dryads and etc. In fact I have a story that's all about fairies 2
Anyways, good luck with it and come visit my library anytime 2
chelsa

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Thanks. I'll work on this. And I'll be coming."
14 Apr 2005:-) Anne Lee Zimmerman
Very nice. The personification is such that you are rather shocked when you realize that this is supposed to be an appeal against pollution. Rather ingenious, in fact. I'd be very interested to see a description of what the doctor looks like. A honey elemental should be pretty interesting.

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Actually, the way I visualized him he looks just like a human. I guess he was just easier to write about that way.I feel like continuing his story and then I'll probably have to describe him. I can't use the element of surprise in all my stories."
8 Aug 2005:-) Crista Whyte
This is a really interesting concept. I love how you've combined humanity with dryads and intermingled them with ease. I also love the whole story situation, how it's set up in the middle of something that feels like it's looming over everyone. It adds to the sense of urgency and action.
One of the things that caught me was the lack of description for Joe and Naomi. You've given Naomi features near the end, but it's kind of like presenting the reader with hovering ghosts... the only thing I really knew about Joe was that he wore a beeswax coat. Even if it was your intent to hide Naomi's identity (i got the feeling, though it don't know if i'm right), maybe just a tidbit to solidify her?
Otherwise, your writing was solid. There was one line, "He noted the wrinkles in the light of the streetlamps" which I had to read over a few times to realize they were Naomi's wrinkles. I guess it seemed odd that you mentioned streetlamps while he was still in the house. Might be just me on this one.
I thought the ending was good, I liked the last bit of conversation. The only other thing I can critique is that you might want to consider presenting your facts more openly to the reader. For myself, I had a hard time deciphering where you were going until I realized what all the environmental stuff you were writing added up to. BUT... I've been known to read things out of context and make up my own answers, so you might want to disregard that last statement 14
At any rate, I really enjoyed reading your story, and I give it the well deserved two thumbs up!
Ps. I hope this wasn't too terribly long of a comment 2

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Actually, I like really long comments. Thanks so much. I appreciate it. (now if I could only get into the habit of returning the durned things faster...)"
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About 'The Doctor's Orders':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth
 • Copyright: ©Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Acid, Bee, Bees, Canada, David, Davidsuzuki, Death, Disease, Doctor, Doctors, Dr, Dryad, Dryads, Elemental, Elementals, Environment, Environmentalism, Environmentalist, Environmentalists, Genocide, Honey, Legion, Legions, Maple, Massacre, Massacres, Military, Modern, Parodies, Parody, Poison, Pollution, Quebec, Rain, Sprite, Sprites, Sugarbush, Sugarbushes, Suzuki, Syrup, Tree, Trees, War, Wars
 • Categories: Faery, Fay, Faeries, Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters, Romance, Emotion, Love, Urban Fantasy and/or Cyberpunk, Parody
 • Views: 310


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