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Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth

"Unicorn´s Origin" by Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth

SF&F Picture 5 out of 5 by Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth
 
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This has all the elements of a fable (for a race I haven't invented yet :P) except for one thing. In THAT world, it's a true story. I also must say that it is spawned from deeper thought than most things I've written. This story was inspired by CS Lewis and Christopher Fry, and if you know who both of them are, you'll see why.
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At one time, the world was made up of a beautiful, pure, freshwater ocean, a long, wide beach of smooth white sand, and, beyond the beach, a dark forest with thick bushes around the edges which made the beach very difficult to reach. There was no wind, no clouds, no rain, and no tide. In the ocean lived a great, white sperm whale, a young, white narwhal, and several small, colourful fish. In the forest lived a haughty draft horse, a sassy young doe, and a crafty hyena.

The draft horse claimed he knew the way to the beach, but rarely left the forest, where he ate the foxglove which grew under the shade of the trees. Many times, little fish had come to he surface of the ocean to sing to the draft horse:

“Come to the ocean,

Over the beach.

Drink of the water

That you can reach.

Pops wants to see you,

The great sperm whale,

So you will not be

So sick and pale.”



Every time a fish came up and sang to the draft horse, he became insulted by the message that was meant for him. He angrily scraped the forest floor with his hooves until they were covered in mud and leaves, and then ran down to the edge of the water. Taking care to stay dry, he grabbed the fish and dropped him onto the beach. The fish would dry up and die. The deer and hyena would never see this happen, for they were too busy eating toadstools; they were always hungry.

However, Horse, Deer and Hyena were always waiting for the others to come by some misfortune so they could feed off the unfortunate soul’s carcass. Deer and Hyena both knew how hungry they were, but Horse was too proud to admit that he was never full. However, he always listened and secretly sang along when he heard Deer and Hyena singing this song:

“I don’t know

Where to look, where to turn;

What I’d see, if I did,

But I have a yearning.

I don’t know

Where to go to get food;

What to eat to be filled,

But this hunger’s burning!

I must go

Where I can feed myself

I must find my own way

To fulfil this churning.

Look at these

Other beings, eating here.

Maybe stealing their food

Will fulfil this yearning.”



When the song was over, Horse, pretending he hadn’t been singing along, responded in this way:

“I know the way to the ocean

Where there is plenty to drink.

Far beyond you,

I am greater; now shoo!

For I am more worthy, I think.

I can go swim in the ocean

Because of all my hard work.

While you are both eating greedily,

I must say, I never shirk!”



Deer and Hyena always laughed at Horse for this poem, and always went about their own ways of searching for food. Though Horse did not tell them this either, he ate toadstools, just like them, but unlike them, he also ate plenty of foxglove.

One day, the narwhal came up to the surface of the ocean instead of a fish. Keeping his horn hidden under the water, he sang beautifully to all three beings eating in the forest. Horse was even more put out at this than when a fish came and sang, because the fishes only sang to him.

This is the song that Narwhal sang:

“Oh, come and sing in my garden.

These quenching waters aren’t cold.

Drink what you need,

And take not what you see,

For what you see is senseless and old.

Oh, come and play in my garden,

Out of the trees, where it’s light,

And though, right now,

I appear very weak,

You’ll see my family’s might!”



When Horse heard this, and realized that Narwhal was singing not only to him, but to Hyena and Deer as well, he angrily countered,

“Now, you fool, I’ve been chosen to work.

You should know I would not shirk.

In the shadows, I don’t lurk.

Since I’m eating foxglove, you should see,

That it’s wrong to bother me.

I’m greater than you or these.

My Master has given me to eat

All this foxglove, which is sweet,

And your water is no treat.

You should be ashamed of what you speak

To these two, because they reek!

Though you say you’re strong, you’re weak.”



He, Deer, and Hyena laughed at Narwhal.

Then, Horse, in all his pride, said, “Now I’ll drag this disrespectful fish to the beach so he will dry up and die.”

So, after covering his hooves in mud so that they would not touch the sand of the beach, Horse ran down to the edge of the water, grabbed Narwhal by his flipper, and dragged him onto the land. All the creatures watched this, and laughed at Narwhal as he dried up and suffocated under his own weight. Soon the sunlight burned his skin. Narwhal’s song grew quieter and quieter, but the last note he let out was low, loud, and long. When he finally died, all the bushes at the edge of the forest withered up, so those in the woods could see the pure, clear sea, and the sunlight shining onto it. Horse was happy to have gotten rid of Narwhal, and told Deer and Hyena, laughingly,

“There, you see?

He is only a fish, you see?

He’s not nearly a whale, you see?

I am right, and he’s wrong, you see?

I do see.”


They all laughed together and went deeper into the forest for the night.

As Horse, Deer, and Hyena were sleeping, Narwhal opened his eyes. His breath became deep and steady, as the tide rose and covered the whole beach. When the sun rose, there was no longer a beach between the forest and the ocean. Horse, Deer, and Hyena awoke under the trees, in the shade, but as the bushes blocking the view of the ocean had withered away, they could see that the ocean was very close, and, astounded, heard Narwhal singing to them once again…

“Oh come to receive my garden,

For I did not wake to fight.

You should all live here,

So that’s what I give.

If you let me, then I’ll end your plight.

Oh, come and live in my garden,

For it is truly a home!

Come be members

Of my family.

You’ll no longer be alone!”



In fact, Deer and Horse were so astounded the narwhal that they ran out of the forest and jumped into the water with a great SPLASH!

The whole time, Hyena knew that he would not be able to feed off the carcasses of Horse and Deer if they reached the water. He tried to grab their heels and stop them, but he only got splashed by the cool, refreshing water. However, he hated the water and yowled at Deer and Horse.

Horse and Deer ran right into Narwhal and the three of them became a splashing, frothing pool of white. It flashed like lightning until it shone so brilliantly that the entire forest was illuminated. From this pool, a perfect being formed.

It shone like white lightning. Its green eyes bored into all whom it looked at. Its golden, cloven hooves and wiry but strong legs supported its great body, all carved out of something more solid, valuable, and powerful than marble, steel, or gold. Its muscles were like liquid strength. This being’s body was in the shape of a great draft horse, it’s legs and hooves like a deer, and upon its head was a twisted horn, which brought into its being all whom it touched. This creature is called UNICORN. It stood upon the sea’s waves and watched the hyena run into the forest.

That is why the hyena, who usually scavenges off the misfortunes of others, is always hunting for the Unicorn so he can rip Horse and Deer away from Narwhal and devour them.

←- The Hat | Glaze -→

DateNameComment 
19 Aug 2003:-) Kevin T Wallace
Wow I love this story! You've really captured the essence of fable writing. I love the plot but a couple of criticisms would be that your song/poetry might have benefitted from a stronger rhyming scheme (and maybe longer lines) and secondly, the end came just a little too quickly. Full marks for imagination though, this a really visual story too. BTW I didn't know that Unicorns were part deer - is that your own idea : ) Keep Writing

12 Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Actually I've heard a couple of stories about Unicorn legs... some say it's deer, some say it's goats. I say goats don't fit in this particular fable."
30 Aug 200345 Jessie.'Jsi-Spitz'Young
hello, Vicki! Did I mention I like bunnies? Have you done a story about bunnies?

1 Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "I could... hmm... bunnies... Jessie, thank you so much for teaching me something about myself. What have you taught me? You've taught me that picking out random words and describing a situation with them could easily break my writer's block. I'll start with nouns to warm up to the idea."
8 Oct 2003:-) Shane M. Mans
Excellent fable! It really brings me into the mood of lessons learned by long forgotten creatures before the beginning of time. It puts me in mind of the demigods of creation, who did not even realize they were creating, simply doing what comes naturally to them. I am trying to think of some critique to say, yet even the poetry seems appropriately primitive to me. They seem to be spoken or sung from the moments need and nothing more.

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "I haven't done everything I want to do with this story. I'm glad you can see the poetry as being in an improvised tribal style, I believe that is who is telling the story, but I'd still like to tweak it to make the rythm more understandable. Also, this fable is meant to be an allegory/metaphor and I need to make sure it hasn't any inconsistancies with the thing it symbolizes. I'd also like to add more ties between the story and its meaning."
30 May 2004:-) Maria Sergio
very nice... I like the style you did this in, and how it all turned out. I kept wondering, where's the unicorn? the title says unicorn... But then I found out ^_^

*seventh comment tango*

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "The Seventh Comment Tango? Alright! *dances* Well, the Unicorn wouldn't be in the very beginning of the story if the story explains the origin of the Unicorn. However, perhaps it would be better to foreshadow... Hrrrmmm..."
25 Jun 2004:-) Susanne Merz
Nice imaginatory work, very visual I feel.
I don't think foreshadowing is necessary in this case, since the choice of animals is, to me at least, quite obviously hinting in itself. And I agree that the poetry parts could perhaps use a little tweaking, though I myself wouldn't know, how to do any better.
Greetz Susa

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Thanks. I don't think the poetry would be very difficult to change, but I have to be in the right state to work on this."
26 Jul 2004:-) Joanna Piancastelli
This is a lovely piece with that creates beautiful mental pictures. The thing that confuses me about the poetry is the lack of an obvious rhythm. It may be that you can hear tunes to the songs in your head that the rest of us don't benefit from, but the poems don't really scan properly to me.

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Well I'm glad you like the type of description. The poems are quite important, because they are supposed to be the greatest revealers of character. I do see the work they need."
19 Jan 2005:-) Chelsa L. Dagley
Hello! I read your 'doctors orders' story and just had to read one more because you're a good writer 2 I like this one alot because interestingly enough I love unicorns!! I had a story one time that centered around them beings gods...but it got lost and then deleted from my computer8
anyway back to your story lol I actually like the songs, I sung them aloud (god I feel stupid lol) to see if they could be sung with a beat (but who knows if I'm right I'm a bad singer anyways) and they seemed alright to me. It kind of made me feel like a person was telling me a fairy-tale 2
take care
chelsa

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "You make me feel supported."
3 Aug 200645 Natalie Omond
Aww, poor little fishies... :wipes tear from eye: Whatever happened to justice in the world? JUSTICE? Where is Aslan when you need him?
I agree with you, it can be mistaken for a fable, the way it is written. It also sound a bit like Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland, with the random songs and poems scattered throughout the story.
This is the first story of yours that I have read, and I would like to read more, but unfortunately, time and school homework prevent me from doing such a thing. If you come to by gallery and keep nagging me to return, I will come, yet school permitting. :fumes: School is evil.
I really like your style of writing and hope I will hear from you again.
btw, I loved your description when the horse, deer and hyena are all in the water, it sound really believable and magical. Maybe you can ask a good artist on elfwood to draw you thet scene? I know I would like to, but I can't draw...

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "Hmm? When is school over in Australia? Should I email you again in November or something?Thanks for the comment. I'll try and get one back to you as soon as possible."
11 Aug 200645 Anonymous
Yeah, school semesters in Australia are different to the other world. We have our major holiday over Christmas, which is our summer, so I am at school at the moment... School is evil...
BTW, I still protest unfair treatment for fish!

:-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth replies: "No fish were harmed in the making of this story. Except imaginary ones. *sighs* My poor, poor imagination. And now the water of my imagination shall stagnate! NOOOOO!"
23 Aug 200645 Anonymous
Hi well i think this story is kind of silly
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About 'Unicorn's Origin':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth
 • Copyright: ©Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Unicorn, Fable, Narwhal, Horse, Deer, Hyena, Animal, Animals
 • Categories: Angels, Religious, Spiritual, Holy, Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 768


More by 'Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth':
Glaze
The Doctor's Orders
Alchemical Haiku
The Hat

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