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Stories / Stories / Victoria Bellamy / Text 1 of 9 / A little too long

"A little too long" by Victoria Bellamy

SciFi/Fantasy text 1 out of 9 by Victoria Bellamy. ←Previous - Next→

This is a story I made up one day when I was bored. I hope you like it cause it always makes me smile!!!

←- To Weave a Tale | The Battle -→

She slowed and swooping through the trees, landing gracefully on the wet grass. A few moments later she heard the soft footfall of someone else landing too. She turned; her ivory coloured wings retreating seamlessly into her pale skin making her look almost human. Her companion was flushed although not as much as she was. She turned away from him and made her way through the overgrown grass to the delicate stream surrounded by blossoming poppies and daises. She conjured a rug out of thin air and laid it casually on the riverbank.

She sat and dangled her feet in the gentle stream, her feet tingling from the cool waters. The boy appeared behind her and in an instant was sitting on the rug too, cooling his feet in the stream. They talked for what seemed like a life time entranced by the forests summer song. When they had nothing more to talk about they sat in silence enjoying the sunshine and the dappled shade.

Suddenly she sensed his eyes upon her and she felt inexplicably afraid so she looked quickly away from the stream to gaze at a flower next to her foot. After a while, the flower seemed to lose its splendour, but the boy had not relinquished his gaze. Tearing her eyes from the flower she turned slowly towards him, uncertainty mounting within her. As she faced him, she gazed up into his flawless blue eyes that were glittering with an unknown delight. Trapped in the spell of his enchanting eyes she stared hopelessly for just a little a too long.

←- To Weave a Tale | The Battle -→

Date	Name	Comment
4 Sep 2006	Chrishankhah	Loading... I really like the mystery you leave! Makes me wonder what's going to happen. If he's good or evil, if it's the wonder of love or the product of a spell or both... You have me curious! Victoria Bellamy replies: "I'm gkad you found me! For me the whole point of writing this was the uncertainty of the end. What is going to happen next? Is the boy genuine or not? That kind of thing"
15 Sep 2006	Jennifer 'Hallaloth' Licata	Loading... I love the description right off. It has a way of showing a sort of captivation that seems to hang between them. I almost want to know more, however I think you could leave it as is and just have it be a prose piece. Blue eyes, hehe...too many people like blue eyes. -huggles-I liked the movement your story had. We've been doing descriptive writing in my College Writing class, and I think my teacher would love this! Victoria Bellamy replies: "Thanks for all the comments and kind words. If your teacher has a laptop/computer you could always show it to him. I don't mind. Thanks again! "
23 Sep 2006	Patricia M. D´Angelo	Loading... Love is indeed has its own enchantment. I agree with the other readers, this feels like the opening to a bigger piece. It's a good sign when the readers want more. Victoria Bellamy replies: "Tis indeed. Thanks for feedback! "
2 Oct 2006	Taylor R Brown	Loading... Omg i totally love it! It's so sweet and romantic. I love that it leaves what happens to the two up to the readers imagination. Victoria Bellamy replies: "Yeah! Thanks for the comment!"
9 Oct 2006	Edward Ramirez	Loading... Short and sweet. Very nice story. I like the vague ending giving leaving the last sentence so much mystery to conclusion. Being caught by his spell. Is that the narrator's depiction of falling in love? Was his gaze a sort of 'trap' enchanting her from her free will? And then the last words...a little too long. That makes me what to analyze it even more! Great job! Victoria Bellamy replies: "My depiction of love? Maybe. I've never been in love so I can't tell. Was his gaze a trap? Again Maybe. You decide. And please analyze it even more. I love the last words too! Thanks for commenting!"
30 Nov 2006	Réka Szabó	Loading... "She slowed and swooping through the trees, landing gracefully on the wet grass." - Shouldn't that be "landed"? Otherwise, it's really great. The ending is brilliant. Me likes it. (Though personally I prefer deep, warm brown eyes ) Victoria Bellamy replies: "yeah it was meant to be but I changed it?! It was a weird day. Anyway I'm glad you like it!"
6 Mar 2007	Kelli Armstrong	Loading... I like it mucho! I too noticed the landing instead of landed, but that is the only thing that I have to say about corrections. Short and sweet! Perfect for a quick gratifying read. Victoria Bellamy replies: "Thank you. "
6 May 2007	Robert Hansen	Loading... The guy who posted that thing above me, it was me, sorry.
6 May 2007	Robert Hansen	Loading... Is it just me or do you always use blue eyes? Anyways, it good, sort of short and sweet. That's admirable in itself, 'cause I can't write anything that short, or that descriptive.
19 Dec 2007	Tara and Rosalind (your best mates)	Loading... we love your stories they are really good. Can you write a story about horses !! (from Tara) and write more stories now now i tell you now (from Rosalind)
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