"Giblet Gravy, Paparazzi Pixie" by Ashley R. Wynn

Word Count :2026

Giblet Gravy, Paparazzi Pixie

            “And that about wraps it up for sports,”   Gromel Greenwood grinned charismatically into the lens.  Sharp teeth flashing and curly chin-hairs bouncing, the satyr introduced his correspondent. “Reporting live for Channel 13, KFAE, New Lyr, on the Crystal and Glass Scrying Network, here is Giblet Gravy.  Giblet, what have you got for us tonight?”

From the heart of Blackwood Forest, star reporter Giblet Gravy stood outside in a sunny circle in front of a half-dead tree.  “As we reported last month the beautiful Heart Oak behind us had been savagely felled by human loggers from The-City-by-the-Water, as had much of the surrounding forest.” 

            The lens panned beyond the stunted, hacked oak to the clear-cut remains of the forest immediately around it.  Vines and undergrowth had begun to take over, but the devastation was still remarkably evident.  “The humans cut down a large portion of the forest, using their vile iron axes.  Treetops and limbs had been torn from the logs and left to rot before the humans bound the logs together to be dragged behind teams of some never before seen breed of huge bluish grey cows.  They dragged them through the monstrous cows’ offal, churning up the earth in great gouges with hoof and log.  The logs were then pushed into the clean waters of the Redwine River, fouling it and causing flooding as they floated and jammed downstream.”

            “Few of the humans escaped the wrath of the local dryad, Neeka, who has become a fae creature of heroic standing.  Those men that weren’t slaughtered by the local bears, wolves, birds, ants, and other brave creatures that fought for their forest homes, were captured by the dryad or drowned by the trio of nymph sisters who call the Redwine home.”  The lens focused on the fluttering pixie, presenting the Channel 13's audience with Giblet Gravy’s best side.  His yellow and brown butterfly-like wings held him steady as he gazed into the lens, trying to mesmerize an audience he could not see.  He knew however, that they could see all one-and-a-half lightly furred hands of him, in all his sparkling pixie glory.  In all his brown, scantily clad in strategically placed sequins, glory.  Giblet Gravy’s glowing cherubic face was quite serious as he continued his report.

            “Though traveling from treetop to treetop, our heroine reached the Heart Oak just in time to save it from the massive iron axe of the leader of the woodcutters.  Enthralled by Neeka’s rather obvious supernatural beauty, the leader of the humans, known as Lumbering Jack, and several other members of his woodcutting crew stood, eyes wide and mouths agape.  They watched as she poured her life-essence into the topped-out Heart Oak, and tried to keep it from dying from the fatal wound inflicted by Jack’s wicked iron axe.”

            The scene played out across the receivers in the CGS Network into the homes of witches, wizards, fairies, elves, dragons, and magical creatures the world over.  As they relaxed in their huts, towers, birdhouses, trees, caves, and other warm homey places, they watched the lives of their fellow supernatural beings with great interest and amusement.  The kingdom’s most talented illusionists were employed to depict the visual parts of many news pieces.

            “After these brief messages from our sponsors, I’ll tell you what became of those foul men and their iron axes.”  The lens immediately shut off and another at the newsroom began transmitting the illusionary advertisement.

            Finally off camera, Giblet Gravy sighed and ran a tiny, bejeweled hand through his short spiky yellow hair.  It was going to be a long day, doing this piece.  It wasn’t nearly as racy as the original attack, with the ripped earth and trees all grown over and green.  Giblet Gravy needed a good story.  He was tired of doing this old “Happily Ever After” bit.  He needed something like what happened a few years ago when the rather popular, beautiful princess married an unknown ogre.  Scandalous enough, but when they had the marriage annulled a week later, it was reported all across the network that it was because the princess was more of a monster than the ogre.  It got nasty, with charges being brought against one side for allegedly slaughtering and eating family pets.  Now that had been a story!

            The yellow and brown pixie fluttered before the lens once more as his lenscrafter counted down silently.

            “Good Afternoon, I’m Giblet Gravy, your host for this episode of ‘Happily Ever After.’”  The pixie slathered a wide grin across his face and twinkled at the lens.  “Earlier I was telling you about the horror visited upon this area of the Blackwood Forest and the blasphemy these men committed upon the most historic tree in three kingdoms.” 

The lens focused on the barely surviving tree behind the pixie.  “The Heart Oak.  Once transplanted here by legendary hamadryads and elves trying to save a rapidly disappearing woodland home.   Their names and the old forests are long forgotten, but the founding oak carried as a sprout from the old forest still stands, thanks to Neeka, the Blackwood’s current dryad.”

            The lenscrafter directed the lens to Giblet Gravy’s left, where the dryad stood.  The reporter considered this part of the story worth it.  Neeka was indeed a supernaturally beautiful creature.  She had flowing ringlets of dark brown hair that cascaded over her bare shoulders and down her back.  A crown of woven flowers kept her shining hair out of her wide green eyes.  Her skin was a lighter, more delicate shade of green. A line of darker freckles paraded across her small upturned nose, only a little off step.  Neeka’s teeth barely peeked from her sensual mouth, her full lips turned at the corners in an easy smile.  Her voluptuous body was covered in a strapless sheath of woven grasses, split to the hip at both sides and tapering to a narrow chevron that ended between her knees.  Her shapely, well-displayed legs ended at a set of toes cuter than Giblet Gravy’s.  Tooth and bone charms hung around each ankle, clacking and clicking quietly when she moved.

            The pixie reporter checked himself for drool as the lenscrafter lingered on the tree nymph.  Sex sells, even in the magical world.  The only other non-catastrophe sort of creature who would produce a larger audience would be a succubus.  Their overt sexuality was flavored with just enough nastiness to ensure good ratings.  Whips and chains worked almost every time.  Giblet Gravy made a mental note to check up on any local succubae. 

            Neeka smiled a little wider and wiggled a few fingers in greeting to the unseen audience.  With a nearly audible gulp, the lenscrafter swiveled his lens back to the shiny-furred pixie reporter.

            “Neeka ordered the remaining men to melt down their cruel iron weapons and to forge themselves narrow spades to be attached to long handles.  Once the enthralled men had their new tools, Neeka set them to work re-seeding the devastated forest.  The tiny sprouts behind me are of that planting.”  The lens focused on several small saplings. 

            “Enhanced by the dryad’s magic, the enchanted seeds are growing at record speed.  Neeka sent all of the humans but one out with huge sacks of seeds and their spades.  Each was given a pot and a small knife, and warned to take nothing from the forest that was not needed.  The bespelled humans will plant the thousands of seeds across the forest and adjoining lands until they run out.  At that time they will be freed of Neeka’s enchantment and allowed to return to their previous lives, in the hopes that they will see the errant ways of their past and live instead harmoniously with all nature.”

            The lens swept slowly across the ravaged, but replanted forest as Giblet Gravy spoke.  It focused on him briefly before widening its angle to include the dryad and the ruggedly handsome man who had joined her.  His white teeth were broadly visible beneath his shaggy black beard.  The beard was longer than Giblet Gravy was tall.  Towering over Neeka, the woodcutter’s muscles rippled beneath his black and red checked flannel shirt.  His sturdy denim britches showed signs of wear, but would hold up for some time, as would his enormous boots.  The huge man plopped onto the ground at the twitch of Neeka’s finger, smiling adoringly up at her.

            “Lumbering Jack remains here at the Heart Oak, tending it with the greatest of care under Neeka’s strict supervision.  Neeka, will the human be allowed to return to the City-by-the-Water?”  The pixie turned his attention to the alluring dryad.

            “As soon as he has rectified his crimes against nature, Jackie will be allowed to return to his people as he pleases or not.  Although I can assure you that his long beard will be quite grey by then.”  The dryad ruffled the man’s unruly black hair as he rapturously gazed up at her.

            “Thank you, mistress!”  Lumbering Jack clasped her narrow hand in his large square ones and covered it with kisses.  Neeka giggled as he continued up her arm, and the lens focused in on the sparkling pixie.

            “Well, folks out there in looking glass land, that’s about all the time we have for today’s segment of ‘Happily Ever After’.  Thanks for joining us on Channel 13 this fine afternoon, and we hope you’ll tune in tomorrow to catch our new contest at KFAE broadcasting.  All denizens of New Lyr are eligible!  Tune in to this evening’s news for more information.”

            “Cut!” cried the lenscrafter, who immediately began dismantling his broadcasting lens.

            Giblet Gravy ran a hand through his spiky black hair as he fluttered over to the dryad.  Neeka was speaking to Lumbering Jack.

            “When you finish mucking out the stable, make sure you put down fresh hay for the cattle.  And have the gnomes double check that milking machine.  We lost fifteen gallons this morning because of a simple gasket.”  She signaled for the man to stand and be dismissed.

            “Yes, mistress.  Thank you, mistress!”  The human in the checkered shirt pressed his face into the forest floor before hopping to his feet and hurrying to his chores.

            Neeka watched him go, obviously enjoying the view of his bottom in the worn denims.  She turned to the pixie.

            “Did you get enough for your show, dear Giblet Gravy?”

            “Yes, my lady dryad.  As always your photogenic qualities have come to my aid.  I really appreciate you letting us come out here, Neeka.  Stories are becoming few and far between these days.”  He paused and waved to the lenscrafter, “You go ahead, Carl.  I catch up with you back at the station.  Great work this afternoon!”

            Carl waved to the pixie, and after a lingering look to Neeka, climbed onto the KFAE flying carpet.  After securing the delicate broadcasting lens, the carpet rose into the air and disappeared over the forest, heading back to the station.

“It’s always a pleasure to work with you guys at KFAE.  Always ready to help out my old buddy Bandersnit.”  Bandersnit was the president of Channel 13, and was the Big Boss Man around the station.  He was also an enchanted skunk.  “Got time to stay and have milk and cookies, my good friend?”

            “What kind of cookies?”  Giblet Gravy dry-washed his hands in anticipation.  He was a sucker for junk food and shiny objects, Neeka knew.

            “Butternut Delight,” she beamed at the pixie and held out a hand for him to settle onto.  “And I can assure you a juicy piece of gossip or two I heard through the honeysuckle vine.”

            A look of serious consideration played across Giblet Gravy’s furry features.  He folded his yellow and brown wings and rubbed his pointy little chin.  His wide eyes narrowed as he asked,  “With blue milk?”

            The dryad laughed, emitting a twittering sound of birds in leaves.  “Of course!  Let me tell you about my little dairy venture.”  She touched a knot on the Heart Oak and a small door slid away.  Neeka brought Giblet Gravy inside for some refreshment.  She smiled at the sequined paparazzi pixie, and considered what one of those enlarging potions might do for him.  The potions she saw advertised late at night in her scrying pool.  Not lingering on the thought she continued her story.  “I’m sure you noticed the new barn and stables?  Well, about those blue cattle the woodcutters had. . .”