"Finals Week" by Wendy Despain

Finals Week
by Wendy Despain

Krantz leaned back in his chair and stretched his long arms as far out behind him as he possibly could. He couldn't believe how exhausting exhaustive research really was. This had been a particularly dull day, too. He'd plodded through a lot of old files today, so old they had no holographic output. His computer had tried to cheer him up by reading the data in various comical voices, but after a while that annoyed him so much he had the text just scroll over a soothing background of mountains and Mozart. Now the walls had shifted back to his pause default of slowly shifting colors, and a graceful aqua streak was arcing across the wall in front of him, fading through the deep blue background. He rubbed his eyes.

"Snurty, get me a chocolate the way I like it, and send one to Girdy in her usual style. Go." He rocked slowly in his chair. It was still in the small hours of the morning, so there was a good chance his gift of chocolate would be favorably received. Girdy kept similarly unpredictable hours, so he was not surprised that a note arrived soon after his chocolate.

To: The jerk next door.
From: The wench on the other side of the wall.
Concerning: death by goldfish.
Message: I've just spent the last six hours of my life getting my ear talked off by an old, dead dolphin trying to explain deep sea theology. The gram didn't really appreciate the sip of chocolate i offered him. thanks for annoying him just a little bit more. it's that kind of thing that really makes a difference in interspeciate relations.

/me

ps. i've got roughly one more hour of this invertebrate idiocy. mind if i drop in when i've fried the fish?

He sipped his chocolate and typed a quick reply on his wrist input.

To: ye wench
From: what was that you called me?
Concerning: zen and the art of drowning
Message: dolphins have backbones.

He didn't include an answer to her question because she knew she could "drop in" any time she felt like it. She just felt like mouthing off. He propped his feet up.

"Snurty. Douse the lights. Give me the stars from earth. Planes horizon. About the...40th parallel south. Go." He was immediately immersed in darkness with a panoramic view of the night sky. He leaned back and took a deep breath. "Snurty. Air. Number 12. Go." A light, cool breeze brushed his cheek and he could just smell a distant sea. "Ah. That's it. Snurty. Sound. Distant surf on pebbly beach." He scratched his head through his spiky blond hair. "Tetrarch's Study in A Minor two notches louder. Go." He settled into his chair and sipped his warm drink as the soft sound of a viola floated in on the breeze. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting like that, lost in the music, when a loud laugh echoed behind him.

"You, sir, are drunk on technology." He swiveled his chair around but found that he couldn't see anyone in the half light of the stars. He squinted and scanned the room trying to catch a movement. "Don't you have neat little toys like this in the podunk station you come from?" Her voice came from behind him and he swiveled again.

He laughed. "Only high level technicians got to play with nifty little things like local environment."

"Seriously?" She sounded incredulous--and once again behind him. This time he just leaned back and put his hands behind his head.

"We had a data length quota for decorating our rooms, and they wouldn't let kids or punk students actually get their hands on the directorates. If I wanted to manipulate my environment much, I had to gram to a remote location, which just isn't the same, you know?."

With a slight tearing sound, a rip appeared in the darkness. Golden light flooded across his knees. Girdy stepped through and he saw the light glance off the gold highlights in her hair and one silver earring she always wore at the crest of her ear. She grinned at him.

"I know. And I can play as well as you can." She waved her hand dramatically and the rip closed with the high, keening sound of a great deal of wind. They were in the darkness of the stars again. "You like our unlimited access to the facilities here?"

He laughed. "That's one way to say it."

She looked around and took a deep breath. "Hmm..." she shrugged. "It's a start," and she grinned at him. He knew her so well, he didn't need to be able to see her to know her movements.

"You want me to turn it off?"

He could tell that she shrugged. "Nah. It's kind of nice. Just let me add a few touches of my own, eh?"

He grinned, and knew she could tell, though not see it. "What do you want? Sharks? Dolphins?" She hit him on the shoulder. "Snurty. Whale song. Loud--"

She interrupted him with a shreak and put a hand over his mouth. "Don't you dare!"

The voice of a popular comedy character croaked, "Command?" They both laughed, and she moved her hand away from his mouth. For a moment he considered completing the request, but decided she'd had a long night and continuing the joke would only get on her nerves.

"Cancel command." She still stood close to him. He enjoyed the sense of having her there, with him for a moment. Then he poked her in the ribs. "Come on, what do you want? I know you've already got access to my computer."

He sensed her grin in the darkness.. "Snurty, Access Sned on my voice print and retrieve file 325. Go."

A deep, wide couch with many soft pillows suddenly appeared, softly illuminated by a blue floor lamp. In front of it was a low table. As they watched, fruit and sweet juices in intricate flasks appeared one at a time, soon covering the table.

Krantz raised an eyebrow. "File 325? And you were teasing me about playing with the technology."

Girdy flopped onto the couch and stretched out, cat-like. "Hey. I transferred all my files from home. And yes, over twenty or so years I've acquired several hundred environment files. Although, that number represents my filing system more than how many files I have." She picked up a flask and nearly drained it without taking a breath. Then she wiped her mouth with one of the many cloth napkins also on the table and leaned back. "Hey, help yourself, my friend."

He leaned forward and surveyed the possibilities, then he laughed. "I don't even recognize half the stuff here. What's good?"

She picked up a large peach and bit into it, noisily slurping the juice from it. "All of it." She said with her mouth full. She pointed to a dish of something green, sliced into regular round pieces.. "Try those. They're probably to your taste. It's Seedless Kiwi." She answered his unasked question and took another noisy bite of her peach. She lay back in the pillows and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Yes, unlimited data space does have its good points. Even if it also allows grams of annoying aquiforms." She took an angry bite of her peach, but relaxed again as she chewed. Krantz picked at the kiwi and just watched her. Her next bite was much less emphatic. She spoke quietly, thoughtfully. "Do you find it ironic that they allow us the holographic power and freedom to create alternate realities?" He didn't answer her immediately, and she opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.

He looked down at the kiwi and took another bite. "You mean in view of what we're doing here?" He glanced at her and she nodded, looking at him intently. He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath, then swiveled his chair so that he was parallel to the food and could see her face better. He took a tiny, bright strawberry and chewed it thoughtfully, finding it surprisingly sweet.

"I tend to think they did it on purpose. I mean, we have a limited time here to answer one incredible question. With access to the grams, we can eat, drink, and live the question." He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Oh, and sleep it too. I've even been dreaming about it. Constantly. Which tends to put a bizarre twist to my research." He grinned and looked at her. She was examining her peach thoughtfully.

She took a deep breath and looked at him intently. "Krantz...what is reality?"

He laughed and took another strawberry. "Indeed, that is the question. Not to be or not to be, but what is the difference?" He glanced at her and saw that she wasn't in the mood for joking. He stood up and came to sit beside her on the couch. She watched him but didn't sit up. He looked at her hand clutching the napkin and touched it softly. He couldn't help thinking how good it was to have her here and not just her gram. "This is really bothering you, isn't it?"

She let go of the napkin and held his hand tightly. She sat there in silence for a moment, then took a deep breath. "I'm ok. It's just gone from a purely intellectual question on an exam to a quite personal one. In the past week, I've held long conversations with over seventeen grams and only two humans." She frowned a little and ran her thumb over his hand. "Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference."

He grinned. "Let me give you a hint. The dolphins aren't human."

She glared at him for a moment and continued. "I mean, the well-programmed grams are wonderful conversationalists and great teachers."

He nodded. "I know." He was quiet for a moment. "It gets really disconcerting when they're not great teachers and wonderful conversationalists. The ones with real personalities can make you wonder. If they were all perfect, it would be easy to tell the gram from the real." He smiled at her, then looked at her intently for a moment. "Have you come across any live grams in your research?"

She took a deep breath, looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook her head. "Not that I noticed, no. Why?"

He sat back a little and scowled. "I haven't either. It's all pre-recorded. Like I'm following a predictable path and someone already went through ahead of me and knows precisely where I'll look next."

"Well, it's not like we're the first to take this test. And it's not like they haven't ever used this question before." She laughed. "And it's not like no one ever thought or wrote about it before. Even the dolphins have theories on the subject."

"Yeah, I've been going through text files of the ancients." He grinned. "Plato, Aristotle, Kahnt... not a very imaginative place to start, but it gives me something to do. How did you get around to the dolphin question?"

She shrugged. "I figure reality has to be interspeciatic. I mean, if it's universal..." She shook her head. "I finally decided that there must be some kind of objective reality. It can't just be what ever we want it to be."

"But how do you account for various observers? I mean..." He shrugged and sighed. "I guess that's why it's the final exam, eh? It's definitely a question of cosmic proportions." He smiled, hoping to cheer her up a little.

She sat up. "Have you even figured out how we're supposed to present it? I mean, do we give an oral presentation? Are we supposed to give them a complete multimedia file on our conclusions?"

Krantz shook his head. "I really don't know what they're looking for. All I can figure is that they want us to show a little creativity and originality in the final presentation. Either that, or we're supposed to go to the good old default, the term file." He chuckled. "Maybe we're supposed to be researching that question too. It's not like they gave us a lot of directions."

"Well, they sort of led up to that point, though. I mean, for the last five years we've been getting gradually fewer and fewer directions for assignments. It didn't really strike anyone as odd that they didn't give us any for this one."

Krantz giggled. "Except for that one guy...what's his name? Gangly arms, curly black hair, expensive pad?

"Oh, the compulsive note-taker?" Girdy said as she reached for a grape and popped it in her mouth. "I don't remember him saying anything."

Krantz grinned teasingly. "Of course not. You were too stressed about the question. Here, I'll replay it for you.. It was funny. Snurty. File number one. Go."

As the stars were replaced by the curved, subdued gray walls of the lecture hall, Girdy said, "You recorded it?" Krantz didn't answer. He was looking around the room already, listening to the lecturer's drone caught mid-sentence.

He stood at the front of the hall facing the arcs of students sloping up and away from him. His hair was a dull gray that matched his suit in a rather boring way. The only interesting feature about him was his nose, which was huge and hooked, adding to the raptor look of his blue eyes. The large screen on the wall behind him was blank and silent. The man just spoke, finishing up his long, dry welcome speech. Krantz got up from the couch, which now sat rather comically in the space between the students and the lecturer, and walked up to stand just behind the lecturer's left shoulder. He spoke on, just as he did that day a week ago.

"Krantz, you devil," said Girdy from the couch. "I can't believe you recorded this. You got almost all of it. How? You said you never had access to this kind of data space before."

Krantz was studying the lecture intently. "I didn't. So when he said we had unlimited space, I wanted to see what it could do." He shrugged and grinned at her momentarily. "Actually, I didn't believe it. I was hoping that by setting it on full record, I could fill up what ever space requirements there really were." He giggled and went back to his careful examination of the lecturer. "I was hoping to crash the system before I even got to my room. Input overload, you know. I couldn't believe they gave all thirty of us unlimited access and space."

Girdy raised an eyebrow. "Thirty?"

He nodded and motioned to the students. "Count them. Thirty." She did so, quickly, and then shook her head at herself.

"Can you believe I didn't even count that day to figure out the odds? I was so nervous I'm surprised I managed to get dressed that morning."

Krantz grinned and walked into the audience of students as the lecturer droned on. He sat on the back of the chair in front of the one that the recording of Girdy occupied. She continued to stare through him in the direction of the lecturer and chew on one fingernail.

"Yep," he said with a grin. "The first time I saw the real you, and you were a nervous wreck."

"There you go, using that word." She shook her head. "It's not like I altered my gram. You'd seen the real me before. A lot."

He turned and looked at her. "No, I'd seen your unaltered gram before, but not you. There's a difference, remember? You were just commenting on that."

She scowled thoughtfully and got up from the couch. She threaded her way through the unseeing students to stand in front of the desk where Krantz's recording sat. It punched thoughtfully at a small input pad, seeming to ignore the lecturer. She watched it for a bit, then looked back to the real Krantz, who by now was studying her recording just as intently as he had the lecturer.

"That's why you asked if I'd seen any live grams yet. What's the difference between a live gram and really being with the person? I didn't even think about it when I met you here. I mean, we'd been through so much together, it didn't really matter that you were here, and not your live gram."

He looked at her in surprise. "It didn't?"

She laughed. "Not at first." She motioned to her recording. "Look, I don't even have the same colored socks on. You expect me to pick up on the subtle differences of reality and grams? I was just glad to have someone I knew here. You're the sub-genius. I didn't even think to record anything until I started my research." She looked back at his recording, and then slowly around the room. "Thirty. Then odds are only four of us are going to pass."

"Hmm...." He looked around the room. "Who do you think the other two will be?" She glared at him. "Seriously, Girdy, what were their grades? I know you hacked them. You knew you were accepted too soon."

She laughed at him. "My impatience is going to get me in trouble some day. Yes, I hacked the grades." She grinned. "And yes, I couldn't help looking at the others. And yes, I noticed that you only squeaked in with a plead and a prayer."

He looked hopeful. "Was I last?"

She laughed and came closer to him. "Yes, you pathetic student. You were dead last on the list."

He opened his arms. "I'm good. What can I say? Now, you changed the subject rather well, but I still want to know what their grades were."

She laughed. "Well, you tell me their names and I'll tell you their grades."

"Another cheap shot. You know I can't put names to faces. Tell me."

"No! You'll be hopelessly biased when you meet them."

"Yeah, just as much as you are. And really, Girdy. Do you honestly think I'll go out there and meet them?" She laughed and he continued. "Besides, what kind of biases can I have? I'm at the bottom of the list. All of them are above me."

"Well, just as long as you remember that grades are no indication of anything."

He chuckled. "Yeah, right. Grades are always an indication of something. Just not always the obvious." He hit her shoulder teasingly. "Now, tell me."

She sighed. "OK. I know you're not interested in all the ones in the middle, so let me see...." She looked around the room. "Well, Jim here, the perpetual note-taker, slid in just above you, but somehow I don't think his near failure was intentional. Most of the rest of them are sort of hard-working-in-the-middle-non-descript when it comes to grades. The type that actually study. There's one, though, that I find rather interesting. His grades were dead center." She looked around the room and finally settled on a figure in the back row. She took Krantz' hand and pulled him up to look at the man.

He sat in the back corner. As the lecturer continued to speak, the subject of their attention pulled a small elastic loop from one pocket, stretched it experimentally, and then let it fly nonchalantly. He couldn't have aimed better. The loop nipped the ear of Jim, the perpetual note-taker, who sat in the front row, directly in the middle, and continued its flight up to bounce off the lecturer's idle hand. Krantz doubled over with laughter. Girdy chuckled and said quietly, "wait, the show's not over."

The man pulled three small objects from his pocket and proceeded to juggle them, still slouching lazily in his seat. Krantz looked down to where his recording sat, then back to the entertainer.

"How did we miss this guy? He's great!"

Girdy kept watching him. "I didn't notice him really until I was doing the usual run through my computer environment."

Krantz looked at her with a straight face. "I love how you refer to your hacking activities."

She ignored him. "Most everyone is fairly boring. I started going through this guy's files in the normal way, and half way through this little porcupine shows up."

Krantz looked at her incredulously. "Porcupine?"

She kept watching the juggler, who added a fourth object as she watched. "Yeah, you know, the animal? It was a great gram. He watched me for a few minutes and then politely asked if he could play. I watched him for a bit and finally let him in. He got his little paws into my soup and very carefully obliterated anything I had on this fellow. But very subtly, so I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't watching very closely. It's a great little defensive program. I called the guy to have a little chat about it."

"He's the other real person you had a conversation with this week?"

"Yep. He's an interesting. He said he built it to protect him from the nerds."

Krantz grinned, but decided not to let the snide comment get any further than his mind. Especially after the warning look from Girdy.

"He knows a lot. His file and data use are phenomenal."

"Why is he here?" Asked Krantz as he watched the complex juggeling accomplished with such extreme nonchalance.

Girdy chuckled. "Why are any of us here, eh?" She shrugged. "The chance for unlimited job security, I suppose. Programmers are kind of expendable these days. He looks like the type to take risks, too. Although it takes a lot of hard work and endurance just to get to this one, hellish final exam."

Krantz looked over his shoulder to the lecturer. "Speaking of which, here comes the question." The entertainer caught their attention one last time, grabbing all of his juggled toys at once, two in each hand. He then sat forward, looking just as intent as everyone else in the room.

Krantz and Girdy turned to look at the lecturer as well. Everyone simultaneously leaned forward in their seats as the lecturer paused.

"And so we come to the final question," he said, with only a touch of dramatics in his dull voice. "Reality."

Krantz nudged Girdy and motioned at Jim. The perpetual note taker spoke loudly and awkwardly, without asking for attention first. "Sir, is that r-e-a-l-i-t-y and then a question mark?"

The lecturer turned slowly toward the gangly man in the front row and focused all of his attention on him, glaring with those blue hawk eyes for a long moment. Girdy laughed. The lecturer said simply, "Dismissed," and walked out. Recordings of students stood slowly. A few talked to each other. Jim looked visibly shaken. The recordings of Girdy and Krantz found each other and headed quickly out the door. Eventually, they all filed out to find their quarters. Except for the entertainer.

He had been scribbling something on an input pad as everyone else walked out. When the last recorded student left, he slowly raised his head and looked Krantz straight in the eye. Krantz raised one eyebrow and kept the gram's gaze. It leaned back and spoke softly.

"There be four things which are little upon the earth,
but they are exceeding wise:
The ants are a people not strong,
Yet they prepare their meat in the summer;
The conies are but a feeble folk,
Yet make their houses in the rocks;

As the gram spoke, Krantz moved his hand slowly to his wrist interface and typed a quick message to Girdy's wrist interface, asking her what was going on.. She answered the same way. Her reply was curt, and mostly said she'd tell him about it later, but that this gram was definitely live, and to treat him with respect. It continued speaking through their interchange.

The locusts have no king.
Yet go they forth all of them by bands;
The spider taketh hold with her hands,
And is in kings' palaces.

So. You recorded the initial proceedings beginning immediately after being told that you had no quota. Very interesting."

"I thought so," said Krantz simply. The gram turned to Girdy and nodded once in greeting. She nodded back. The gram looked them over for a moment, then smiled a little.

He pointed to each in turn. "So. You're the highest, you're the lowest, and I'm at the arithmetic mean." He leaned back. "What are we going to do about it?"

Krantz shrugged. "We could do the usual. Crash the mainframe."

"Or hack it," said Girdy.

"Or reprogram it," said the gram. They all looked at each other for a moment. Krantz scowled.

"What's your name?" he asked the gram.

It chuckled. "Call me Breen. You guys mind if I get my real self down there to chat?"

Krantz shrugged. "Sure, I'll give you patch-in to Snurty."

"Ok," said the gram. "I'll be there in a bit. What's your room number?"

Krantz looked surprised. "Uh..." He looked to Girdy for a little help. She laughed.

"We're in room five. Don't bother knocking."

The gram bowed extravagantly and disappeared. Krantz turned to Girdy immediately.

"How did he do that?"

Girdy started moving back to the couch as she answered. "It's a fairly simple watchdog program. Told him someone had recorded him and was playing him back. He probably monitored the whole thing from the second you said go." She sat on the couch and picked up what was left of her peach. "I think the poem was a part of his live switch. The gram focused on the owner of the recording, says its little poem to buy time for the switchover, then goes fully live." She shrugged. "I've got one too. One of these days I'll set up one for you." She looked around. "Could we have a different background? I'm a bit tired of this lecture hall."

Krantz shrugged. "Whatever you want. Oh, Snurty, Level three patch-in for Breen. Go. Oh, and that wasn't a poem. That was a bit from the Christian Bible."

"Know-it-all." She teased and laid back on the couch. " Snurty, access Sned on my voice print. Retrieve file 516 and run. Go."

The blue lecture hall was gone. Golden light flooded through tent flaps with the hot breath of wind. It was a Tressian bedouin quom, a dwelling with many rooms, made of multicolored cloth stretched and draped over poles. The floor was covered with a deep carpet and piles of pillows were everywhere. Krantz felt the wall nearest him.

"Is this silk?"

Girdy took another bite from her peach. "Of course. Only the best with unlimited data space."

Krantz noticed the other materials scattered around the room. "You have expensive taste, Girdy."

"I would agree with you, Krantz," said Breen as he stepped through the door with a gust of hot wind and light off the golden sand. "I feel under dressed for this place." He was wearing exactly the same casual clothes he was recorded as wearing a week ago.

"I like to see quality environments from quality machines. Is that a crime?" asked Girdy in a mock pout.

Krantz grinned. "With you? On occasion."

Girdy sat up. "Now, Krantz, you'll give our new friend the wrong impression of me. I've never been convicted of anything."

Breen grinned. "The worst kind."

Krantz picked up a flask of citrus juice and raised it in a toast to Breen, who chose one of his own and drank with him.

Girdy rolled her eyes. "Great, now I've got two people trying to get me indicted."

"Snurty, give me a chair. Go," was Krantz' reply. A short, purple stool with a velvet cushion appeared. Krantz raised an eyebrow. "Snurty, what is this?"

The crackly voice replied obediently. "File 516 from Sned requires that all objects input conform to Tressian standards." Krantz glared at Girdy, who simply grinned back.

"Is that Burny Wimple's voice? You have good taste, Krantz."

Krantz smiled at Breen. "Why, thank you."

Girdy sat forward. "All right, fellas, make yourselves comfortable. Time for ye ole' generic introductions."

Krantz sighed heavily and sat on the floor leaning against a pile of cushions. Breen found a similar seat closer to the food, and started eating grapes one after another, in quick succession. Neither seemed to pay too much attention to Girdy, who went on regardless.

"Ok, Breen, My name is Girdy and I've been in school for too long. I grew up and attended all my classes from Ilton Breng, a class four station in the middle of pacific international waters. I attended Hentick University by gram, where I met this fool, Krantz who was actually live attending."

Breen raised an eyebrow, but kept eating without pause.

"The story goes that he grew up on star station six and the freaky gravity affected his brain."

Krantz muttered, "Yeah, well, look what the tides did to her." And Girdy ignored him.

"Through a few near-disasters, we met and became friends, of sorts."

Krantz muttered, "of sorts," but meant it in a different way than she did. He took another long drink of his thick juice.

"And with a little effort, we both ended up here taking the final."

Breen looked interested. "So, this is the first time you two have real-met?"

They both just nodded in answer, and Breen hmmed.

"Well, my name is Breen, and I was actually born and raised on a land mass. Mountain range, in fact. I attended all my classes by gram too, because of the isolation. I've been out of school for two years now, though, so I'm rather out of the habit."

Girdy leaned back and finished off her peach. "What have you been doing in the mean time?"

He chuckled. "Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Some of it was even legal." He took a long drink.

Girdy just nodded. "And what brought you back to take this hellish final exam?"

He looked at her for a moment, then answered. "I couldn't resist the chance to be famous and sought after by every employer on the planet."

Krantz spoke up. "I think that's just about the only reason that will get people here." He looked at Girdy significantly. He didn't feel like discussing his reasons either, and he wanted her to stop pushing this recent acquaintance for information.

Girdy narrowed her eyes and looked at Breen for a few breaths. He held her gaze very calmly. Krantz finally coughed and set his empty flask on the low table. Girdy glanced at him and relaxed. Breen set his glass on the table too and stood up.

"Well, I came down here to show you guys something one of my security programs picked up. I thought you might be interested. And maybe you in particular could tell me a little more about it." He indicated Girdy.

"Krantz, what level patch-in did you give me?"

Krantz had his mouth full of an orange slice, so he held up three fingers.

Breen nodded and said, "Snattix, read me the last filter report, and send the text to Snurty, filename filterrep. Go."

A soft, female voice started speaking. "Security recording filter report number one eight seven one two. All security checks run. Major anomalies follow. Recording was made on this premisis, but thirteen of the thirty individuals shown can no longer be located on this premisis. Scene includes one severely altered live gram. Portions of this scene were recorded from two other sources as well as that which made this record. One wall shown is made of one-way plexi."

Girdy stood in one fluid motion and stepped once in the middle of the low table, somehow missing all the dishes piled there, and then she was out of the tent and talking to the computers.

"Snurty, clean this place up and show last recording, freeze on second frame. Go." The tent was gone and Krantz and Breen sat on the floor in the middle of the lecture hall, their mouths still full of food. All around them were the figures of themselves and their colleagues, in a perfect vignette. Girdy didn't stop. "Snatix, highlight the gram, the thirteen absent individuals, and the see-through wall. Search for the home codes of the two other recorders all picked up in security recording filter report one eight seven one two. Go." She spun around to look over the congregation of pupils. Desks throughout the room seemed to have sprouted halos. Girdy looked them over, then her face clouded and she yelled. "Snatix, do what I mean, not what I say. Give me the absentees in green, the gram in blue. Go," she snarled. The pupils' halos uniformly turned a soft shade of emerald. Girdy held up her hands. "And? come on, you stupid motherboard, who's the stinkin gram?"

Breen and Krantz were both on their feet by now, both staring past Girdy's shoulder to something behind her. Krantz cleared his throat.

"Uh, Girdy..."

She looked at him and nearly shouted, "What?" Seeing their faces she turned, and all three stood for a moment as still as the recordings around them. Then Girdy sat down rather suddenly. The two others came a little closer to her and also sat and stared at the old, gray professor who now wore a pale blue halo and stood in front of a softly glowing wall.

Girdy finally took a deep breath and whispered, "Hold on, fellas. This is going to be quite a ride." Then she spoke louder. "Sned, take a look at this situation and further analyze. As data becomes available, highlight portions of gram that were altered from the live image. Analyze highlighted wall and give me anything you can get, on my request. Search for the current location of other highlighted individuals. Report on my request. Go." Within a breath, the whole figure in front of them glowed. She shook her head. "Ok, Sned, unmark altered portions of gram, mark unaltered portions. Go." The proffessor dimmed, then only his eyes glowed blue. All three of them started a little and Girdy was quick to dim the eerie scene. She took a deep breath.

"Snatix, report on home codes of recorders. Go."

The soft female voice answered calmly, "No codes found."

Girdy looked quite surprised. "Snatix, is the search finished? Go."

"Global codes searched for match. No matches found."

Girdy stood up. "WHAT?" She looked very pale. Krantz touched her hand lightly, but she shook him off.

"It's only a computer, Girdy. It makes mistakes."

"Not this program. It can identify every electronic device built in the last two centuries. Sned, report on the wall. Go."

"On the other side of the one-way glass, I can detect the normal light level for a college classroom," said a quiet, thoughtful, sexless voice. "As well as the body heat of approximately thirteen individuals, approximately six output screens, and very little motion is detected in the entire recording."

"Sned, superimpose any image scavenged behind the wall. Go."

The dim shapes of people sitting and standing came up on the formerly blank wall. Girdy shuddered a little, took a deep breath, and turned around to look at the students. "Sned, point out those students who's location has been verified, off campus. Go."

All thirteen students immediately had a delicate red arrow pointing at their chests. Girdy pointed at Jim, the compulsive note-taker, and walked toward him. "Sned, tell me where this student is right now. Go."

"James Hanning, student, has been located at 156 Drenter Street in downtown San Diego. By the way, this is the address he listed as his permanent residence."

"He went home?"

"It would seem that way," answered Sned.

"Sned, how many of these individuals were located at their home address? Go."

"Ten are currently at the address listed as their permanent residence. The other three have been there within the last forty-eight hours."

Girdy turned to look at Breen and Krantz and said, as if they hadn't heard, "They were sent home."

Breen was staring at her. Krantz, however, didn't even look at her. He was standing at the wall that still displayed the ghostly shadows of unknown watchers. He was frantically running his finger over the wall, writing on it with blood red light that streaked from his fingertips. He had already outlined all the heads and torsos of the crowd, and he was just finishing placing a glowing red number in the outline of each head, counting them. As he came to the last few figures, he yelled, "Girdy! Girdy! Get over here!"

She went to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm here Krantz, what is it?"

He quickly finished numbering the heads and pointed accusingly at the last scribbled number. A glowing, bloody 16.

"Girdy, get your stupid computer to tell us its findings on this wall again. Come on, Sned, speak up."

Girdy spoke quickly. "Sned, report on the wall. Go."

The soft voice said in almost a sing-song, "On the other side of the one-way glass, I can detect the normal light level for a college classroom as well as the body heat of approximately thirteen individuals, approximately six output screens, and very little motion is detected in the entire recording."

"Sned, you're off by three. Count them, THREE." He slapped his fist against the wall over the outlines of the last three heads in his sequence.

Girdy spoke quickly. "Sned, recheck body-heat analyses. Report. Go."

The soft voice said calmly, "The body heat of thirteen individuals is detected. Three men of considerable size, eight women of average size, and two children."

"Children! There are no children! Look at that, Sned. Look! They're too big."

The soft voice responded to him. "There does seem to be a discrepancy in the data."

Krantz glared at Girdy. "Girdy, if your computer had a physical interface I'd strangle it."

Girdy sighed and rubbed one shoulder. "Why do you think I don't have a physical interface? Sned, give me a couch. A very big, soft couch. Here in the middle of the floor. Go."

A huge purple couch appeared in the middle of the room, right where she indicated. She immediately flopped onto it and stared at the ceiling.

"Sned, anything unusual about the ceiling? Go."

"Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Good. Put up Krantz' default color washes in light blue. Just over the ceiling. Leave the rest of this blasted mess in place. Go." The slowly shifting colors played over the ceiling. She took a deep breath and stretched each muscle in her shoulders.

Krantz soon flopped next to her, laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. Breen stood up slowly and stared at Girdy.

"Krantz, never let her get upset in public. She tends to do one or two impossible things at once." He blinked. "Come to think of it, so do you."

Krantz turned his head slowly to look at Breen as if he only just remembered there was anyone else in the room. "Maybe you'd better have a seat, Breen. You look a little green."

Breen slowly sat on one corner of the couch and kept staring at Girdy. "I couldn't even report you if I wanted to. Nobody would believe me."

Girdy sat up slowly and looked at him warily.

"I'll admit that I forgot you were here." She put one hand to her mouth thoughtfully. "How many violations did you count?"

Breen shook his head. "It's not the violations I care about. It was the things that are patently impossible."

Girdy lay back on the couch and pulled Krantz close to her, holding him tightly. She swallowed. "For instance?"

Breen stood up and began to pace around the room. "For instance? Most of the things you executed in the last ten minutes. I mean..." He looked lost for words for a moment. "Well, first your computer actually volunteered information. Then you accessed my computer-one of the most secure systems in the world-without the slightest hint of permission. Then you ran a complete check on every electrical address code from the last two hundred years--" he spun around and pointed one finger at her accusingly, "from my computer!"

Girdy spoke quietly. "That program was in your computer before I got to it, Breen."

He stopped and stared at her. "Then there's another one. Knowing what programs are in someone else's computer without permission."

She shrugged.

He shook his finger at her. "Then you got a computer to respond without using a structured syntax like saying go. And you," he aimed his frustration at Krantz. "You got a computer--somebody else's computer--to respond to you without even addressing it! We needn't even discuss the fact that you both yelled and screamed at it, far above the voice recognition range that's security safe."

Krantz sighed. "Sit down, Breen. You've obviously seen far more than we intended. But there's not a lot you could do about it if you wanted to. You're right. No one would believe you on any of those counts. None of it is really impossible. Some of it takes an incredible amount of data space, but around here that's not much of a problem. Actually, that's never much of a problem for Madame Felon here."

Girdy poked him. "I keep telling you, I'm not a felon. Nothing I did there was precisely illegal."

Breen snorted and sat down on the edge of the couch. "No, not precisely illegal. Too much of it was blatantly impossible. You're not Madame Felon. You're Madame Paradox."

Girdy grinned. "Why, thank you. You'd better watch it, Krantz. If he keeps talking so sweet to me, you may have competition for my affections." She squeezed him.

Krantz chuckled. "You trying to steal my girl, Breen?"

Breen stared at him for a minute, then shook his head and laughed helplessly. "I give up. You guys are just..." he motioned futily with his hands. "Just...I don't even know." He fell back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

They all sat in silence for a few minutes, then Breen took a very deep breath and let it out slowly. "You know, that really is quite soothing."

"Yes, quite. Kind of like petting your brain, you know," said Krantz. He sat up a little more but stayed close to Girdy. "Now that the storm and the subsequent interrogation are over, let me ask you a few questions, Breen." Breen shrugged as he kept staring at the ceiling and Krantz continued. "Could you tell us, our new and frustrated friend, just how it is you come to know that the things we just did are supposedly impossible? And why it is that you would caution us about taking the show on the road?"

It was Breen's turn to sit up slowly and look at the others warily. He examined them closely for a moment, then hunched over and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Those two years I took off school. I was caught doing some pretty high level hacking. I talked my way out of prison and into a job. They hired me to try to solve some of those limitations of the vocal interface. Sometimes I think that was worse punishment, though." He leaned his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. "I know them intimately."

Girdy hmmed softly and said quietly, "and did you ever succeed?"

Breen chuckled and shook his head tiredly. "I was proud of the inroads we'd made on the problems. But what you just did was incredible. Our accomplishments are puny in comparison." She glanced at her wrist. He shook his head. "I just don't get it. How could you make two years of blood and sweat obsolete in ten minutes?"

Girdy chuckled. "Believe me, it took a lot more than ten minutes. And I can't even take the credit for it, really."

Krantz moved his head a little to get more comfortable. "Well, don't try blaming it on me. I know next to nothing about programming."

Girdy poked him. "And that's precisely how you did it." She look at Breen. "This boy's brain is so twisted that he looks at a problem from this bizarre perspective..." she shook her head, "I don't know, from somewhere out near Alpha Centauri I guess. I was puttering at the problem of voice recognition range one day when he just sort of looked over my shoulder and said, 'Hey, why not do this?'"

Breen laughed, "What did you do?"

Girdy shrugged. "I knocked him flat. Then I thought about his suggestion a little more and realized that what he was saying is like...an open kitchen window is a better entrance to a building than a locked door. I mean, there's no reason we can't live with our tables on the walls with our ability to manipulate gravity. Metaphorically speaking, of course.." Breen was laughing by now. "I decided he might even be useful enough to warrant an apology."

Krantz chuckled. "Half-hearted though it was."

Girdy looked at him. "Oh, as if you cared. You knew I wasn't sorry for hitting you. I've done it many times since then, too."

Krantz rubbed his jaw. "I can tell how good my ideas are by how much pain I'm in."

Girdy ignored him. "Programming comes pretty naturally to me and problem solving comes naturally, albeit twistedly, to him." She shrugged. "We've come up with some fairly interesting things."

Krantz sat up and looked around them again. "Yes, and now we've got this fascinating little difficulty to deal with. Look around you, kids, this is not normal."

They all looked slowly around the room. The soft, shifting blue light from the morhping color paterns above made the whole room look even more eerie. Thirteen students, caught in a still-life, still had green halos and red arrows at their chests. The lecturer at the front of the room had a blue halo and his eyes glowed softly. Behind him sat a congregation of shadows, outlined in neon blood with scribbled crimson numbers for eyes. And still the light from the ceiling moved and shifted like time-lapse photography of days.

Girdy checked her wrist unit, then acted as if she were listening intently to something the others couldn't hear. She kneeled on the couch behind and a little beside Krantz with one hand on his shoulder. She was the first to speak, and she spoke softly as if trying not to disturb the recorded gathering of watchers.

"Before we go any further, I think I need to share a little bit of information with you both. When I start using some of the more, uh, unique features of my programs, a security program automaticly kicks in. It just reported. One of its features is a hide and seek." Krantz turned toward her a little, not to look at her, but to listen more carefully. "It found three recorders aimed on this room. Two of them were routine, and we'd already been hidden from them. The third--" she swallowed once. "The third had an electronic home code that matched one of the two found previously. One of the ones that couldn't be matched to any home code on the planet." She took a deep breath. "This recorder was hidden exceptionally well. The only thing that found it was a little spinoff of something we've been working on. There's no telling how long it's been in place, and....I couldn't hide us from it."

Both men turned simultaneously to stare at her in horror. Breen coughed a little. "Everything you just did has been taken down?"

Girdy nodded and kept looking around. "From now on, fellas, we have to consider ourselves watched."

Krantz nodded slowly. "Watched by someone who has outsmarted us." He took a deep breath and spoke quite normally and nonchalantly, which sounded bizarrely out of place in the surreal scene. "Could you at least pinpoint the source, so we can smile at the camera?" He smiled broadly. Girdy patted him on the head as she moved off the couch to stand looking at the lecturer.

"Sorry my friend, couldn't even accomplish that. Just consider yourself cameo-ed. I'm the star of this film, you know."

Krantz stood up and came to stand next to her. "Nonsense, I think it's our mysterious friend here, who just happens to have devoted his life to solving the problems you've just demonstrated the solutions to."

Breen stood up. "Krantz, I am not a spy."

Krantz turned to look at him levelly. Girdy stepped between them. "Fellas, I really don't care if you are a spy," she said pointing at Breen, "and you're the Emir of all of Persia, "she said looking at Krants. "It sort of seems to me that we have a bigger problem here. And frankly, I don't think it was set up by the service to catch a mid-level hacker. If you think what I've been doing is impossible, let me tell you, the things that are countering me are so far beyond impossible that I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to look out the window and find the earth spinning clockwise with a silly grin in the Atlantic. So let's not start dismantling each other yet. I think we really have to work together on this little dilemma, or.... Well, let me put it this way. I think we've seen a little too much to just be sent home. Get the drift?" At their reluctant nods, she muttered, "and if I see another demonstration of male sparring behavior, I'll do what any sensible female would and push you out into that big starry vacuum on the other side of the wall. Understood?"

They nodded more easily this time. She turned and walked toward the students. Breen leaned closer to Krantz and whispered, "Man, you'll never have to worry about being hen-pecked, you just have to keep your eye on the cutlery."

Krantz straightened his collar. "I'd rest easier if I didn't know she carried the sharpest of it around in her mouth."

Girdy called to them from a desk in the front row next to Jim, the perpetual note-taker. "OK fellas, your stand-up routine is over. Breen, outline the problem."

He looked around the room. "It's been a while since I was in school, but here goes." He rubbed his jaw. "Point one, the disappearance of students." Girdy stood up and put one foot on the chair of the desk. "Point two, the production of a very specific, false image we were all presented with from the start." Girdy stood on the seat of her chair and kept listening to Breen. "Point three," he pointed at the wall, "the identity of the observers." Girdy stepped to the top of the desk. "Point four, the discrepancy of heat readings to the visual count, and Point five, the identity of whoever it is watching us." He bowed his head slightly and touched his forehead as if tipping a hat to the unknown onlookers.

Girdy surveyed the room slowly from her new vantage point. "Thank you, Mr. Breen. I think that fairly well describes the situation. Mr. Krantz, point out any connections."

Krantz put his hands behind his back and walked slowly around the room. "Three of the five involve us being watched. No action taken, specifically-on us. However, point one involves action taken on others like ourselves. Obviously, there is something that set us apart from the others, since the action hasn't been taken on us. Can we assume that the same people who are watching us were watching them?"

"We don't have to assume," grinned Girdy. "Sned, search for any evidence that the other fourteen students have been or are being observed in a similar fashion. Go."

"I'm afraid you've made a miscalculation, Girdy," said the soft voice of the computer.

"What?" she said, putting her hands on her hips and looking very indignant.

"There are only three...two students other than yourselves on this premises."

"WHAT?" they all said in unison.

"Where are all the others?" said Girdy.

"Eight are on two shuttles back to the planet. Three are sitting in the shuttleport on station Henderson. One is in a shuttle between here and the shuttleport."

"So there are only five students left on the premises?" Girdy said incredulously.

"That is correct."

Breen cleared his throat. "Anybody feel like we're running out of time?"

Girdy glared at him. "Sned, give us any evidence that the other students were observed in a similar fashion."

"All personal quarters and study lounges have a recorder with the same home code as the one I cannot block."

Krantz said, "Sned, check all the rooms and halls of this facility. Is there any place that is not observed by this camera?"

There was a slight pause, then voice said quietly, "None is detected."

Girdy yelled, "Not even a broom closet??"

"The entire premises is under surveillance."

Krantz swallowed. "Anyone else feel like they're under a microscope?"

Breen chuckled. "Well, this is called a final exam, isn't it? Seems they're examining us pretty good."

Breen stopped laughing as he realized what he said was much less of a joke than he had intended..

Girdy stepped off the desk to the floor. "Guess why they never told us what form they wanted our final presentation in."

"Damn. We've been presenting since the moment we arrived here." Breen sat on the couch. "It's a wonder I'm still here."

The soft voice interrupted his musings. "Just thought you might like to know, one of the two individuals not in this room just received a message to proceed to the shuttleport as soon as possible."

Breen turned to stare at Girdy again. "You screen the mail?????"

She shrugged. "Somebody's got to do it. Sned, what did that student do just prior to receiving the message?"

The distinct sound of someone clearing their throat politely came from somewhere in the ceiling, then sned spoke. "He fell asleep."

"Snurdy, a pot of hot coffee. Black. Twice the caffeine. three cups. Go."

A tray appeared on the middle of the floor with a large pot of hot coffee and three cups arranged neatly on it. Krantz went to it and poured, with a shaking hand, a cup for each of them, and sat down to drink it, staring at the lecturer.

Finally, he spoke. "In light of the recently acquired information, it's not all that surprising that we had a roomful of observers staring at us that first day. They were probably taking bets."

"Yeah, well, weren't we?" said Girdy softly.

Krantz took a sip of his coffee. "Seems like a lifetime ago." He kept staring at his coffee. "Girdy, now, don't deny this for once, I'm serious. I know you do a lot of illegal things, and I know you know the answer to this, intimately, so tell me. What agencies or organizations in the entire earth and everything floating around it, have a security system equaling yours?"

Girdy just kept staring at her coffee. She slowly tapped her cup on the desk a few times, then suddenly threw it hard against the wall of the lecture hall. It shattered, and coffee moved slowly down the wall. "None, Krantz. None," she said in the absolute silence that followed. "And you know it as well as I do." She stood up and he saw that she was almost in tears. "If it's out there, I've seen it and beat it."

He stood and went to her, putting one arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. She didn't cry, but held him tightly. Breen looked away. Finally, she took a deep breath and stepped back. He reluctantly let her go. She smiled a little at him and squeezed his hand, but they didn't speak.

"Aright, gentlemen," she said loudly. "We have a problem to solve, a very limited time to solve it in, someone looking over our shoulders, and a stiff penalty for the first wrong move we make." She smiled evilly at them both. "Isn't that a great pep talk? Now, let's get to work, shall we?" She smiled and sat down.

"I'd like to advance a proposition, Girdy."

"We're all ears, Breen. Go for it."

"Let me just state a few obvious things. It seems that one of the things we were supposed to determine here as a part of our final exam, is just exactly what is going on. Now, while that is always a worthy goal," the other two grinned, "it seems to be a bit more, shall we say, intricate this time. It includes a forthright deception on their part as evidenced by the hidden watchers and the altered gram which we were shown. And so we see that the exam truly was reality. Our search for it, and how we did it. Now that seems to explain all points--"

"Except for point number four," said Krantz, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the wall with the ghostly outlines on it, still displaying their incongruous numbers.

Breen bowed. "As the gentlemen said. Except point number four." He grinned. "Which I will not be so naive as to explain away as a computation error on the part of Sned."

"Thank you," said Sned's soft voice. Breen jumped and Krantz and Girdy giggled.

Girdy continued for him. "So we see that there is yet another layer to be stripped away to find the real reality, which is getting stranger by the minute."

Breen bowed to her.

Krantz took a deep breath. "Sned, I want to see this bizarre heat reading. Instead of pinpointing and refining it, just show us all the heat in the room. The more heat, the brighter the light. Oh, and knock out any heat sourced to the room l ights. Show it to us in...oh, violet."

Immediately each of the ghostly figures on the wall received a glowing purple fuzz of body heat. The rough red outlines were doubled in violet, and Sned dimmed them without being asked. The numbers remained, still counting out sixteen figures. Some figures were fairly average sized, but their outline was particularly bright. Others were tall, thin and very dim.

"Sned, point out the ones you diagnosed as output screens." Three of the taller shadows immediately received red arrous.

Girdy swallowed. "Nice try, Sned, but those are obviously not output screens. I need to work on your deductive reasoning." She sighed and addressed her human companions. "Any possible solutions?"

Breen sighed. "Extra insulating clothes?"

Girdy chuckled. "In a space facility with climate control so exact? I don't think so. They'd be dying of heat. Besides, if it was just clothes, it would show bright spots where extra heat was escaping at necklines and things. And look at their heads. Those outlines are brighter at their heads, where most people give off the most heat, but the tall ones are a uniform brightness all over."

Krantz was shaking his head. "No, you guys, I think I've got it. Don't you see? It makes so much sense my teeth hurt."

Breen looked at Girdy. "His teeth hurt?"

She just shrugged.

"Look at the evidence," Krantz continued as if he hadn't heard them. "We come here to this orbital education facility with the promise that whoever passes will be employed for life, even though the economy is choking. We're presented with an extremely well-designed lie and the only people who pass, I think, are the ones who see through it. Someone watches us every step of the way and eliminates anyone that isn't digging into the lies they told us. What we find when we start digging is technology none of us have encountered before, even though I think we can be safely described as planetary experts on the field. We also find evidence of biological systems we've never encountered before. The only logical conclusion is that we're dealing with...people who aren't from Earth, or any of its satelites." He looked to the others expecting ridicule.

Both Breen and Girdy were staring with horror over Krantz's shoulder. Finally Girdy gasped out a whispered, "Krantz..."

Krantz wet his dry lips and swallowed. He suspected exactly what it was that had so frightened them. He took a deep breath and turned slowly around to look the lecturer in the eye. The old gray lecturer now stood with his arms crossed, his hawk-like eyes blinking and fastened intently on Krantz.

Krantz bowed respectfully and somehow managed to say in a normal voice, "Good evening, Sir. I'm sorry I didn't see that you had joined us." the gram reached out and put its hand on Krantz's shoulder.

"Well, you can stop looking so pale, now. I I have good news for you." He said in the same grey voice he had addressed them in on that first day, only now it had gained a new depth and richness.

"Your conclusions are correct, and you are the first three of this year's class to pass the exam. If you will check, you'll find that you are no longer being recorded."

"That is correct, " said Sned softly. "The cameras in other parts of the building are still in operation, but the one in this room is no longer detectable."

The lecturer chuckled. "I assure you that it has been disconnected and will not be used on you again. I do hope you understand that it was all a part of the exam, and not intended to be an invasion of privacy. We understand that is a large part of your culture."

"Girdy took a deep breath. "So. What..." she paused, but he nodded and smiled encouragingly. "What does your unaltered gram look like?"

He chuckled. "You are a brave one, aren't you? Well, here I am." The gram immediately changed. Although the form was still roughly human and the same height, only his eyes remained unchanged. H had no hair, and his limbs all seemed much more delicate, although his torso was somehow more square. He wore a simple smock and leggings whose colors moved and shifted somehwat like the default mode of Krantz's computer which now crawled across the ceiling.

He smiled kindly. "Most of us do not look much different from you, although a few races have a morphology a little closer to the crustacea and insects on your planet. Those would have given off the most unusual of the heat readings you were analyzing."

Breen had recovered from his shock. "How many races are there?" The lecturer shrugged and smiled. "I honestly don't know. The universe is infinite, after all. The different kinds of sentient beings would logically be infinite as well, don't you think?"

"But how many interact with each other?" Breen continued.

Again the lecturer smiled helplessly. "We all do in some way and at different levels, of course. There are political and religious confederations all over the place. A bit like your own planet and satellites on a much broader scale."

"So, all this time, Earth has been going about its own little business, while intergalactic wars and commerce and cultures have been going right past it?" asked Krantz.

"Wow, the universe just got a whole lot bigger for me, folks," chuckled Girdy. "I feel pretty insignificant now."

"Hmm, that's one way to say it, I suppose. Although not everyone on the planet was completely clueless. This part of the school system has been in place for quite some time, after all. Earth is slowly taking its place among the interstellar species. Every year three or four find their way to us and join the party."

"Well, if we're such a backwards little planet, why do you let us in?" asked Girdy quietly.

Breen smiled ironically and muttered, "When I consider thy heavens, the moon and the stars; What is man, that thou art mindful of him?"

The lecturer smiled kindly at them and nodded at Girdy. "I think you said it best. You have a point of view from somewhere out by Sol or something, and the more perspectives we get, the better. You Terrans truly have a unique way of looking at life. But come, there are some others who would like to meet you. After all, you've passed, and just as we promised, many people are interested in getting you to work for them.

He lead the way to the door out into the hall. Breen was the first to follow. Krantz reached a hand down to help Girdy up, and they caught up to Breen. Girdy still held Krantz's hand tightly, and touched Breen's arm with her other hand. She whispered softy, "Hold on tight, fellas. This is going to be quite a ride."

??