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Sharon Kelly Adams

"Something´s lurking" by Sharon Kelly Adams

SciFi/Fantasy text 4 out of 5 by Sharon Kelly Adams.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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I was trying to write in the 2nd person, well create a 2nd person, but I think it came out as a strange 3rd person. Oh well I hope you enjoy it still.
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←- the Mermaid | Diary -→

 

 

There you stand in front of a set of large oak doors, gilded with a pair of golden handles with skulls in the middle.  You take a deep breath and place your hand on the door. You swallow the lump in your throat, and push the doors open. You walk into a dimly lit room with candles in the chandeliers, a figure stands in front of you with their back turned. They gaze out an open window, their hair caught by the breeze. You notice the slender figure and the long flowing coat lift slightly when the wind gusts a bit harder. You approach closer to the figure wondering, hoping. The head turns slightly and the side of it is caught by the moonlight. You look up at the face and see a pair of soft pink lips and shimmering blue eyes the put the sea to shame. The figure steps in to the light a bit more and you see the angelic face of a woman. She pulls a strand of long blonde hair out of her face and smiles at you. She whispers sweetly “I’ve been waiting for you, a very long time I should say.” You look at her and wonder what she has said. You take a few steps closer to her and are now right next to her.  Her eyes glint in the light.  She smiles and reveals a pair of white fangs and pulls you close to her. “Welcome to your doom,” you hear her say and she sucks your blood. You feel your life running out of your body, as you fall away from her and hit the ground without a sound. It grows dark and the last thing you see is her, smiling at you with your blood dripping down her chin.


 

←- the Mermaid | Diary -→

DateNameComment 
20 Jan 200245 TwiNked
Cool story! Reminds me of those old 'chose your own adventure' type books. Great job in second person too; you dont see that too often.
22 Feb 200245 Cate Pemble (Goddess of Insanity)
*Runs away screaming* VAMPIRE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAHHHHH GET THE STEAKS!
6 Mar 200245 An anonemous Iowan
This story is so gosh darn stupid I just wanna spit...on it....ya....so there.....ya....bye....

By the way how is beef going to get rid of a vampire (you spelled stakes steaks 2
28 Mar 200245 Drew
*blink* *blink*It was really good th second time(I didn't)
understand the first time)oh well but it was really cool and Mr.I'm really smart Iowan lern to read good stuff and insult well
17 May 2002:-) Matthew Hart Akers
the Iowen is a moron. This is very difficult to write, 2nd person is. I liked the style, but it seemed like it rushed through some things that it shouldn't have, when he was dying. I think a little more description, you know...
24 Jun 2002:-) David Grant
-grins- really, really nice job of dialogue. . . Even better in the depiction of vampires being grotesque, yet beautiful creatures. : )
23 Sep 2002:-) Lucian Castille
I like this. It is well worded, although I thought the end lacked subtlety.
15 Jan 200345 Mous, Anon O.
A few comments for the commenteers and one for the writer:
- what would an 'Iowan' as said party describes oneself, know about beef?
- Steaks played an important part in many a vampire book. I remember one particular book involving a cat and animal friends.

Sharon: Second person writing is one of the most difficult. Fitting a story into a paragraph is doubly so. Nicely written and 'Yol Bolsun'.
18 Apr 2003:-) Bridget L. Duncan
that was unexpected. You descibe it real well. you write so goood.
19 Jul 200645 Horror
Iowan is stupid,your story was ace, an he doesnt know anything about beef,(or insulting). Steak was useed in many a story to lure the vampire in an stuff like that. I cant beleive he didnt like your story, or is it a she? She probably hasnt read a vampire story before, lol she's sooo sad, not reading one of the best tipes of story at all!
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'Something's lurking':
 • Created by: :-) Sharon Kelly Adams
 • Copyright: ©Sharon Kelly Adams. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Horror, Of, Story, Vamp
 • Views: 230

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