"Marisuu" by Audrey Youko.Greywords M.

The rain fell thick and heavy. A kind of rain that leaves you soaked...with your own blood! For you see this was not a rain of water, it was a rain of arrows!

"How will we ever survive this!?" Exclaimed the handsome and noble swordsman.

" It's alright," I replied calmly despite the hail of arrows. "I'll just will them away."

"How will that work?!" Asked the jaded, sarcastic, women-hating magician.

"It’s easy! Because I'm perfect!"

"Aaaaaah." Everyone remarked and the beautiful and feminine cross-dresser added, “Well that makes sense."

As the rain of arrows stopped and the skies cleared birds began to sing, almost as well as I could.

"Humph! I could've done that!" Remarked the Magician.

"No you couldn't have." Interjected the stoic and self-loathing healer.

Also in our group was a martial artist who's obsessed with fighting, along with a singing dog, a screw-nosed dog, a talking cat, a bug-eyed cat, a round flying bunny, an electrically charged bunny, a demon bunny with a third eye, a cabbit, a little black pig, a piglet with bat wings, a teddy bear with a machine gun, a friendly blob, a fuzzy bunny prone to explosions, and a bowling ball with a beak that can only say "chu".

After the onslaught we continued walking. No one knows why we’re walking. It just seemed like a good thing to do.

While we were in the forest we met an old and tiny man. We gave him food and he lifted my skirt the first chance he got.

After much arguing we decided he was the perverted yet wise old man who we needed to complete our group so, without any input from the old man himself, he joined our party.

The swordsman got bored, or something, and so he got into a fight with the fighter over who would make a better boyfriend for me.

After extolling their various virtues, they finally decided I would have to choose, which really was the best decision because I have absolutely flawless judgement. Of course.

"Go out with me!" Demanded the fighter.

"No with me." Purred the swordsman, twirling a rose.

“ I wish I could get a date for once in my life.” Moaned the healer.

"Please stop! There's enough of me to go around!"

"How'd you manage that?" Asked the cross-dresser.

"Actually, I'm the youngest of a group of septuplets. Each one of us is prettier and smarter than the rest, so naturally, being the youngest, I'm the best. But my sisters are nice too!"

"I could never love anyone but you!" They both cried in unison.

All of my twins promptly went off and became evil.

"But you still have to date someone." The cross-dresser reminded me.

"Well then, I'll go out with... the magician!"

"Okay, despite my having said numerous times that I hate girls like you and would never in a bajillion years date one, sure. I'll pick you up at seven thirty and we'll go to dinner and a movie." Agreed the magician.

"Make it eight so I can get ready, and let's go bowling instead."

" I swoon because somehow you've figured out my secret hobby. You're so brilliant. I am not worthy."

"No, I am not worthy." Muttered the Healer.

“Well, it’s late. You all need to go to bed so that I can wake up in the middle of the night and have a girlie heart-to-heart with the cross-dresser.

“And we would all hate to miss that.” Jibbed the magician.

Everyone promptly fell asleep on the spot, except for the old man who fell asleep trying to sneak a peek at my panties, and the cross dresser and I sat down.

“Let’s get right to it.” Said the cross-dresser. “ The only reason I cross-dress is because I think no one will like me if I don’t. I would stop if I fell in love with a girl, but you have enough boyfriends already so I’ll be the big-brother figure.”

“Alright.” I took a deep breath in preparation for my heartfelt speech. “ You don’t have to cross-dress just for people to like you. I would like you anyway.” There, that was it. The whole thing.

“Alright then! That being settled we should stop at a town so I can get my hair cut before I meet my gruesome demise.”

Everyone suddenly woke up and we continued our journey for another two whole pages before we met the giant villain.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting?!” He snapped. “I’ve already changed in and out of my super form three times! Now come at me so I can kill you and laugh about it.”

“You won’t win!” Cried the swordsman.

“Yeah. We have her.” The magician motioned to me while I was in the middle of giving food to starving homeless people.

“We are nothing if we do not try, Eh?” Shrugged the villain.

“That’s true.” Conceded the fighter. The perverted old man ran and hid while all of them leapt at the bad guy at once

"NO!" I screamed, my eyelashes fluttering uncontrollably.

The villain laughed and unleashed a deadly attack and then stood back politely and watched as I went to each one held his head in my lap and listened to him pledge his undying love for me and tell me to be strong before he died.

Now I was mad. Or something close to anger. Okay, now I was upset.

I started to glow and then my normally long beautiful blond hair transformed into long flowing blond locks. My clothes were replaced by a billowing white princesses dress, then I was transported inside the giant robot All of my previously evil septuplets resumed their ancient form as crystals and formed a rainbow, except there was pink and no orange. I then used my Swirly-girlie-magical-lovie-dovie-delicious-soda-flavored-with-a-hint-of-cream-fat-free-low-carb-soft-and-fluffy-super-sparkly rainbow attack.

The enormously huge mega-villian dissolved like…like a…dissolvey thing.

The after affect of the attack also brought all of my boyfriends back to life, which was good because I still needed to choose which one to fall madly in love with.

"Okay, normally at the end of the story I would end up with my one true love. So who protected me the most?"

"We didn't really fight all that much." Said the cross-dresser.

"Yeah, and when we did we all bit it." Jibbed the magician.

“Which is all my fault.” Said the healer who was surrounded by a doom cloud.

We all ignored him, as usual.

"Well, who did I meet first? That usually takes care of it."

"We started in the middle of the story." Moaned the healer, the doom cloud added a half-hearted “BOOM” for effect. At least it was making an effort.

"All right will my one true love please show yourself?!"

Suddenly the perverted old man stepped out of the bushes where he had been hiding and turned into a tall, ridiculously handsome young man.

"That would be me. My name is Wun Tru Lav. I'm a martial arts master who has been missing for years, as well as a master fencer, an arch-mage, and a Ph.D. certified Yale graduate healer. I also am a master of disguise and heir to the throne of an insanely rich country."

"Why you're even more perfecter than me!" I exclaimed with stars shining in my big, moist, dewey, blue eyes.

"My darling," he said as he lifted me up onto the sadistically pretty white horse that had appeared out of nowhere.” That’s not even grammatically correct." He smiled and the sunlight glinted off of his straight white teeth.

And everyone was happy except for the slew of cute mascots which had all returned to "heaven" in the melee.

Which is the way things ought to have ended.